February 2013 Moms

On my own

Havnt checked the forums in a while. My s/o kept ignoring and yelling at me and partying excessively, and then some girl he'd been flirting with claimed he cheated on me with her when we got into our last huge fight. So I packed up everything including the crib and now I'm in the process of figuring out where to go once I have the bby while I crash at my grandmas.

He claims he didn't cheat but either way things were pretty bad, and he even thinks a break is necessary. Even though this is the worst time to do it in my opinion. Like couldn't you have gone nuts before I got prego or something?

Lol but you know, he resents me for keeping it anyways, even though he said he'd support me. So I guess that sort of thing doesn't matter to him.

The hormones are making this so hard to deal with because I'm like bi polar. One minute I'm all "girl power" and ready to move on" the next I'm crying and driving by his house because some part of me just can't quite let go.
image image

image image

BabyFetus Ticker

Re: On my own

  • First of all, I'm very sorry.  My H and I separated early into my pregnancy, so I can understand how scary and overwhelming everything seems.

     Try to not focus on it right now.  For me anyway, it's best to not dwell on something.  Just give it time :)  Everything will get easier!

     Feel free to reach out if you need to talk :)


  • That's not good if your SO is acting an ass. Even if you do have a break, what's going to happen when baby arrives? I hope he would fix his sht but we all know that chances for that aren't that high. You need to speak with him or you need to be on your own because babies do add stress, even with all that cuteness and love. And it sounds like he needs to grow up.

    ETA: I also want to say that with those extra hormones, it's normal to be like that and he has understand that.
    Pregnancy Ticker BabyFetus Ticker image image image image
  • I'm sorry. It sounds like you're doing what is best for you and the baby, and that's what matters.

    FWIW, my first husband and I separated and I was completely not pregnant, and I still felt bipolar...I think that's probably totally normal and to be expected (though I'm sure pregnancy hormones aren't making it any better)!

    Hang in there! 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers BabyFruit Ticker
  • Let go.  No, this is not the worst time for this to happen.  You could've delivered already, and LO could've been around all the fighting, and if he's abusive in any way, there is no telling what would happen when he's around a baby.

    I know it's hard for you, but you seem to be in love with who he was pretending to be, not who he truly is.  His behavior can change (saying he will support you, apologizing to you), but his personality will never change, and his personality just happens to suck.  Do you think you deserve to be around that?  Even more, do you think your LO deserves to be around that?  Absolutely not.

    Good for you for packing up and leaving.  I'm so, so glad you didn't stay.  However, I will add that I hope the real reason that you left was because of his abusive, selfish antics, and not because you heard he cheated.  You seemed to have been dealing with how he treats you, so why are you up and leaving now?  The abuse is a much bigger issue than cheating.  Let's say you found out it wasn't true.  Would you go back?  The abuse will still be there regardless of if he cheated or not.  He seems like a scary, explosive, selfish person who is not ready to grow up.  You and your LO need to move forward, not be dragged down by a boy who is clearly not ready to be a father.  Good luck in your decisions.  You are doing the right thing.

    DD: 6/30/09. Mild pre-e DS: 9/5/10. Normal pregnancy Diagnosed 6/4/12 with dermatomyositis. Currently on Prednisone and IVIG therapy. 9/11/12: Normal a/s for DS2. No side effects from my medication, yay! DS2: 1/28/13. Thankful for healthy children! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
  • image MrsW0615:

    Let go.  No, this is not the worst time for this to happen.  You could've delivered already, and LO could've been around all the fighting, and if he's abusive in any way, there is no telling what would happen when he's around a baby.

    I know it's hard for you, but you seem to be in love with who he was pretending to be, not who he truly is.  His behavior can change (saying he will support you, apologizing to you), but his personality will never change, and his personality just happens to suck.  Do you think you deserve to be around that?  Even more, do you think your LO deserves to be around that?  Absolutely not.

    Good for you for packing up and leaving.  I'm so, so glad you didn't stay.  However, I will add that I hope the real reason that you left was because of his abusive, selfish antics, and not because you heard he cheated.  You seemed to have been dealing with how he treats you, so why are you up and leaving now?  The abuse is a much bigger issue than cheating.  Let's say you found out it wasn't true.  Would you go back?  The abuse will still be there regardless of if he cheated or not.  He seems like a scary, explosive, selfish person who is not ready to grow up.  You and your LO need to move forward, not be dragged down by a boy who is clearly not ready to be a father.  Good luck in your decisions.  You are doing the right thing.

    All of this.  OP, I'm glad you have left and I hope you stay gone. Print out the above, laminate it, and re-read when you need a reminder of why it's a good thing you've left. Things will be rough in the beginning, but in the long run, you are doing the best thing for you and your baby.


    TTC #1
    Off BCP 2/2010
    Charting since 9/2010
    Dx: Unexplained IF, Hashimoto's
    June 2011 to August 2011: 3 IUIs = BFFN
    Treatment break until Oct/Nov 2011 then moving on to IVF.
    Scratch that. We're moving to adoption!
    11/10/11 Officially matched
    11/18/11 Our little stinker was born!
    3/7/12 Surprise BFP! 4/13/12 missed m/c and D&C at 8w
    BFP#2 6/17/12 EDD 2/25/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

  • Sweetie let him go. I amon my own as well. I have days where i want to call him an be like we have a family, but why stress over someone who isn't any good. I don't need the extra stress and neither do you. I put my feeling aside and started thinking of my child. He didn;t ask to be here or have a jerk for a father. Just think about it he isn't cheating on you or walking out on you he is cheating and walking out on the both of yall. Put your child first, Pray to the man above and remember Women rule!!!!! after all we are the ones God chose to keep men alive.....(hint hint- bring them into the world)
    ProudMommie13
  • You don't need him. He's obviously an ass. You deserve someone WAY better than that. Men are half the baby making process, and I'm sorry, but even if it was a surprise/accident, man up and support your SO. 

    Hang in there. Sorry this had to happen... 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You are doing the right thing! Hang in there! It will get better over time!! HUGS!
    EXPECTING BABY #2 AFTER 3 YEARS TTC!! :) YIPPEE!!!!!!

    image

    image

    image

  • Good for you!!!! I think I have told you before that once upon a time I left a guy who behaved a lot like yours does. Although it took me a long time to stop looking back, once I did finally move on, my life got a million times better.

    Just know that right now, you don't have to see the end of the road, just the next step. Heck, if you did see the end of the road right now, you would never believe how good it can be anyway. I promise. I have been there. It's not quick or easy but every little movement in the right direction adds up.

    I'm really impressed you had the strength to do this. Keep it up, one teeny bit at a time if needed.

    Think of this kind of starting over like cleaning out a storage unit: the mess gets way bigger and way worse when you first start pulling junk out of it, but that's the only way to get it into shape. It can't look "all better" instantly... As long as you keep working, you'll get there!

    Did I say GOOD FOR YOU yet??? :)


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I agree with PP, it sounds like it needed to happen. 

    As soon as LO is born, make SURE you go file for child support!!  Do not take promises from him. You have to look out for #1 - your baby. 


    I may be a big ol B sometimes… but...
    image
  • Agree with all PP. Good for you for making a change that will wind up being in everyone's best interest- specifically the baby's. Sounds like you were having problems even before this alleged cheating (which I agree is hopefully not the sole reason for your decision), so it's probably the right decision. 

    I spent 5 years with someone who, while I'll always love in a way, did nothing but suck the life out of me with constant negativity. When we split (the day after my 30th birthday BTW), I thought I was going to be alone forever and was all despondent. Well, I forced myself to be positive and look to the future with hope and excitement. 7 months later I went on my last first date with the man I'm married to now. I couldn't have imagined how happy I could be. Try and focus on making YOURSELF a whole person and a good mommy. Everything else will fall into place!

    T&P for you and your family! :) 

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/FNqNm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I am really sorry you are going through all of this right now. Just make sure to take care of yourself and the baby right now. Stay strong and don't ever feel the need to respond to him immediately. Put thought into things like you put thought into leaving ... I know it was hard for you, but it was the best thing for you right now.


    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

  • image MrsW0615:

    Let go.  No, this is not the worst time for this to happen.  You could've delivered already, and LO could've been around all the fighting, and if he's abusive in any way, there is no telling what would happen when he's around a baby.

    I know it's hard for you, but you seem to be in love with who he was pretending to be, not who he truly is.  His behavior can change (saying he will support you, apologizing to you), but his personality will never change, and his personality just happens to suck.  Do you think you deserve to be around that?  Even more, do you think your LO deserves to be around that?  Absolutely not.

    Good for you for packing up and leaving.  I'm so, so glad you didn't stay.  However, I will add that I hope the real reason that you left was because of his abusive, selfish antics, and not because you heard he cheated.  You seemed to have been dealing with how he treats you, so why are you up and leaving now?  The abuse is a much bigger issue than cheating.  Let's say you found out it wasn't true.  Would you go back?  The abuse will still be there regardless of if he cheated or not.  He seems like a scary, explosive, selfish person who is not ready to grow up.  You and your LO need to move forward, not be dragged down by a boy who is clearly not ready to be a father.  Good luck in your decisions.  You are doing the right thing.

    This. Good ridance to him. It'll be hard but I promise it gets better.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image PeanutR1:

    I agree with PP, it sounds like it needed to happen. 

    As soon as LO is born, make SURE you go file for child support!!  Do not take promises from him. You have to look out for #1 - your baby. 

    you can do it before LO is born, at least in CA you can.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • So sorry you have to go through this right now, but it's NEVER easy so maybe it's better that it happens before the baby is actually born. He sounds like too much drama... just try to stay positive and look forward to your future (which is improving now you are not in a relationship with that mess). Trust me, there are way better men out there. I was in a relationship for 8 years (married for 3 of them) with an unhappy drama person and finally at age 28 we split. At that time I had no idea if I would ever find love or get married again, I think I was depressed for a few months, or felt like a mid-life crisis or something where I just didn't feel like myself for a while. Needless to say, about 9 months later I met my current husband and I'm very happy to report that it was a big upgrade to finally find "the one." It will happen to you too, I am sure of it. Just try to focus on the positive as much as possible right now. And don't forget to file for child support.

    Also, since I was just at child birth prep class last night and they mentioned baby blues...be aware if you are feeling especially down after the birth and feel free to discuss it with your dr to get some support.

    Pregnancy Ticker
    20120611-154610-DSC_5742 imageimage
  • I am so sorry this is happening to you! I have been in your shoes, though!!! I wasn't quite as far along though.  2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant with DD#1, her sperm donor walked out of my life and disappeared.  I haven't seen or heard from him in 6 years.  He doesn't even know she is a she.  He has had zero contact-- which truly is for the best.  I was in the middle of plotting my exit strategy from his abusive relationship when I found out I was prego.

    Right now, just take care of you.  Give yourself time to process.  Take advantage of whatever help is offered your direction, you will need it for a while.  Good luck!

                    We're Going to be a Family of 5!

    Lilypie - (PaHE) Lilypie - (4noI)

                                   Lilypie - (2q9u)


Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards