3rd Trimester

How to say in a nice way

Okay im sure you ladies are getting the same thing the "is your baby here yet" or my favorite "do you know when your babys gunna be here" texts or when people jokingly tell you when its convenient for them to go ahead and have your baby. Im so sick of these! I dont mind someone asking how i feel but i think i would tell you when i had my child and not just skip that part. Do any of you ladies have a nice way of telling people to pretty much back off? I dont wanna sound bitchy but im seriously going to snap on someone if they tell me " well im off work these days so u should have your baby then". Uhm excuse me would you like to have him for me?! Sorry im ranting but its so aggravateing rude. People who dont understand giving birth and labor dont get it obviously. Thanks for listening to me rant! Gl every1!
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Re: How to say in a nice way

  • I don't say it in a nice way.... IMO, it's none of their business and it's also really rude, so they shouldn't expect courtesy in a response.
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  • If anyone has the answer to this I would love to hear. Unfortunately, I think it is just something we have to deal with. I am getting it horribly from MIL.Obviously she isn't asking if we have had the baby because she would know but she keeps saying things like "Oh I just know he is going to be early. You are going to have him on Valentine's Day!" Etc., etc. It really rubs me the wrong way because you aren't my doctor, you aren't present at my doctor's apts and you have you no clue what is going on inside my body with my baby.

     Also, my ex's birthday was Valentine's Day and it really irritates me that she would suggest my son would be born on this day. I am holding him in all day long if it comes to that!

     Sorry I kind of ranted on your rant. But I totally understand why you are frustrated. All the little comments are really, really annoying.

  • Then just tell them. I don't find it rude bc someone actually cares about when I have the baby. It's nice to know ppl want to know what's going on and asking for an update. If you don't think it's appropriate, or it bothers you, then simply just tell them.
  • If you don't want to be rude just make a joke. Something like "Man, I wish I could control this kid already but you know, s/he already has a mind of his/her own! S/he will come when s/he's good and ready. But don't worry, I'll definitely let you know when it happens."

    My favorite response to people who see your belly and say something rude is "Yeah, I had him yesterday.  Can't you tell?"

    Just remember though, it's irritating because you are getting asked a lot by a lot of different people and you are already extremely uncomfortable and impatient yourself. They probably don't mean it in a rude way or to make you irritated. If they are good friends/family, then just a simple "Not here yet, but I promise to let you know right away. So many people keep asking me, it's really hard to keep up so I hope you'll understand if I don't respond next time."


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  • I haven't had it too much as I stay at home hidden away :) for the most part people know that they will hear from someone when the baby comes.  They are excited and pretty much ask when the baby is due.  Its my mother that says things likeyou haven't  had the baby yet and didn't tell me???  Really mom? Get off the drugs and come back to reality uggg.  

    My mom is pissed because I don't want her anywhere near me when I give birth.  She creeps me out.  Plus at the birth of my son I called to let he know I was in labor and she started screaming! Freaking out over the phone, demanded to talk to husband yelled at him. Icchhh talk about stressy. We were able to ignore her and have the baby but now I'm only 1.5 hours away so she continuously puts the guilt trip on me since I told her no I don't want her there.

  • Those sound like pretty normal things to say to a pregnant woman.  I'm not sure that there is a set book of rules on what to say and what not to say.  These seem pretty typical.  And I've had some people who have had their baby and didn't announce the birth until days later and hey were at home.  So, I don't assume that someone will tell me if their baby is born yet.
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  • I just generally ignored texts and calls about it and made a general Facebook status that said I would be sure to update when she was here and if they didn't see anything that nothing had happened. I went to 42 weeks so those last two weeks were HORRIBLE as far as people asking if she was here yet. I even had a work manager from about 4-5 years prior (who I hadn't talked to in years) texting me telling me natural induction methods. She had never had a kid so that made it even better. 
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  • Ha! My ILs are closing on a house the week I am due and have to go out of town, so they told me they'd love me to have a January baby (I'm due at the END of February). I just finally said that I didn't want to have to visit my baby in the NICU because it came that early and that shut them up. My advice, just flat out tell them that its unsafe, or whatever, and leave it at that. 
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  • Its not that i dont want people to be excited for me or ask how im feeling im all for that its just getting old when someone asks you everyday if u had the baby when i tell everyone multiple times i promise i will let u know when i know lol. Plus i know im miserable and crabby and winney but seriously i cant have my kid on your time nor am i going to forget to annouce it. I just figured i wasnt alone on this subject and wanted some insight. Thanks ladies:
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  • YES! You are not alone. I was just telling my husband that I'm not sick of being pregnant, but I am sick of talking about being pregnant and hearing the same things over and over and over again. I'm glad people are excited, but I don't need to hear, "You're still here?" "I bet you're really DONE with being pregnant." "Did you gain weight the last few weeks?" "You haven't dropped yet."

    Come on people, I'm not even due until tomorrow and I'm doing my best not to be impatient - don't make it worse!  

    My husband says when people ask, "You're still here?" That I should say, "Nope. I'm at the hospital having a baby."

    LOL... at least he can still make me laugh ;)

  • I just reply with a simple "I'll do my best" and a smile. 
  • image omgitsrojo55:
    Ha! My ILs are closing on a house the week I am due and have to go out of town, so they told me they'd love me to have a January baby (I'm due at the END of February). I just finally said that I didn't want to have to visit my baby in the NICU because it came that early and that shut them up. My advice, just flat out tell them that its unsafe, or whatever, and leave it at that. 

    I literally said the exact thing when FI's mom was talking about having a Christmas baby simply because LO was measuring three weeks ahead. Even still, my EDD is not until 2/8. The first time, I let it slide. The second time, I said nearly exactly what you did and she never mentioned it again. 

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  • This hasn't been too bad for me.  Just people at work asking when I'm due.

    However, my other half''s crazy aunt saw me at about 5 months along (with me at a normal size for being that far along) and remarked "Oh, I thought you'd be bigger!" 


  • You are not alone, but I haven't figured out what to say, either. I like the "no, I'm in the hospital having a baby!" one, though! Haha. I'm REALLY dreading church on Sunday...I had to skip coffee hour/Sunday school because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was like, "I'm not even due! So yeah, I'm STILL HERE!"

    My fave is when strangers ask me if I'm dilated or tell me that I've dropped. Um, 1) my cervix is not your business and 2) no, she hasn't dropped according to my doctor, but that is also not your business.

    It makes me miss the days when people didn't even use the word "pregnant" because it was too scandalous. Methinks people also didn't ask prying questions about pregnant women's plumbing...

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  • image sarnic123:

    If anyone has the answer to this I would love to hear. Unfortunately, I think it is just something we have to deal with. I am getting it horribly from MIL.Obviously she isn't asking if we have had the baby because she would know but she keeps saying things like "Oh I just know he is going to be early. You are going to have him on Valentine's Day!" Etc., etc. It really rubs me the wrong way because you aren't my doctor, you aren't present at my doctor's apts and you have you no clue what is going on inside my body with my baby.

     Also, my ex's birthday was Valentine's Day and it really irritates me that she would suggest my son would be born on this day. I am holding him in all day long if it comes to that!

     Sorry I kind of ranted on your rant. But I totally understand why you are frustrated. All the little comments are really, really annoying.

    I too am hoping LO doesn't come on my exes birthday. Sure, it'd be easier for DD to remember LO's birthday since it'd be the same as her dad's, but ugh...even though we are civil, he's not my favorite person.

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  • I'm in the tiny minority here, but I LIKE IT when people ask me when my baby's gonna get here, if I've had him yet, or that I should have him during *this* time because then they can make it to the hospital.

    OMG! Someone gives a darn!

    Anyway, usually when someone asks if there's a nice way to say something, the answer is always, "just say it." Say, "I'll let you know." 'Course, you might have to tell a lot of people, but saying "I'll let you know," should suffice for those you say it to. 

  • image Jessicabecherer89:
    Okay im sure you ladies are getting the same thing the "is your baby here yet" or my favorite "do you know when your babys gunna be here" texts or when people jokingly tell you when its convenient for them to go ahead and have your baby. Im so sick of these! I dont mind someone asking how i feel but i think i would tell you when i had my child and not just skip that part. Do any of you ladies have a nice way of telling people to pretty much back off? I dont wanna sound bitchy but im seriously going to snap on someone if they tell me " well im off work these days so u should have your baby then". Uhm excuse me would you like to have him for me?! Sorry im ranting but its so aggravateing rude. People who dont understand giving birth and labor dont get it obviously. Thanks for listening to me rant! Gl every1!

     

     they tell me " well im off work these days so u should have your baby then".

    I find this cute and endearing, not rude.  They're just trying to be part of your life, and I'm sure it's fun for them to dream that the baby will come at a time that is convenient for them. 

    The "is your baby here yet" would annoy me.  I would just say no, or not respond at all.


  • Just text them back or tell them to follow your progress with this website:

    www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com 

    and watch them all melt away....  

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  • image Rosebean:

    Just text them back or tell them to follow your progress with this website:

    www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com 

    and watch them all melt away....  

    Love it!

  • I haven't reached the point in my pregnancy where people are asking when she will be here, however, I can totally relate to your frustration with everyone putting "their two cents in" all the time. In the beginning of my pregnancy baby was taking a lot of my intake with meals and such (as they do) so I wasn't gainning much. I got the whole "You need to eat!" "Did you eat today?" "You look really thin honey..." I swear it got to the point where I literally shouted "IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME TO EAT THEY WILL GET MY FORK IN THEIR ASS!" lol

    I appreciate concern and advice when I seek it. This isn't my first rodeo, I have an eight year old little girl who I carried the same way. My doctor never raised any worry on both my side or his, in fact, he said for my size my weight may take awhile to catch up throughout my pregnancy. Now I'm right on target with where I need to be so I feel like I'm doing my job well :)

    My advice would be to either silence your short reaction with no response until they get the hint, or like some of the others have said- "just tell them how it is."

    Good luck!!

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  • lol too funny. thanks for the website!
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  • image Rosebean:

    Just text them back or tell them to follow your progress with this website:

    www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com 

    and watch them all melt away....  

    LOL

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  • I take your complaint and raise you one -- I wish people seemed to give a crap about when I am expected to have this baby... ha! ;)
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  • people dont say this to me but always ask me what the dr said at my appointments....which drives me nuts....like what you think they are going to say?? So I just say 'Shes still in there!!!' the sarcasm usually shuts them up

     

  • I'm only just 31w so I haven't had the "is the baby here yet" comments, but I do get grief from a lot of people if I even mention that I bought a single item for the nursery or the baby. (Baby shower isn't until Feb 24) I understand their viewpoint to a certain extent as people want to buy gifts, but I was raised on a very tight budget and taught that if I can get something of just as good quality second hand, that I should buy it over a brand new item.

    So there are certain items I've picked up second hand because they were very good deals. I have a friend who offered to give me a brand new bassinet for free because her DD didn't use it. I got an earful because "that's something somebody could have bought you at your shower!" I've gotten to the point where I've pretty much told them all to go to hell and I'll buy for my son if I want to.

    I know my hormones are all out of whack lately (random crying jags for no reason at all and massive mood swings) so maybe that's why I've gotten to that point, but it's my theory that if I have an opportunity to buy something used for very little money and don't get it because it might be a shower gift... then if I don't get it gifted I have to buy it anyway and chances are at a much higher price. 

    My advice would be to just tell them what you're feeling very bluntly. If they get offended and you feel bad about it, just blame it on pregnancy hormones and you'll probably be forgiven.  

    Thrilled on becoming a First Time Mom!
    BFP 7/18/2012 ~ EDD 3/28/2013
    10/11/2012 - 16w - It's a boy!

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