Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Am I the only one that feels this way?

First, I feel numb, I can barely cry. I feel sad and dissappointed.

When I think about trying again, I feel so mixed. I have a wonderful DD.  It took almost a year to conceive her and 18 months to conceive this one.

Now, I just wonder if its better for me to stop trying.  

Its probably too soon to be contemplating all of these what-ifs but no matter how much I try to distract myself and focus on DD or my job, I keep dwelling on this loss and how this may be it for us.

 

 



 6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                             50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                  100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
4/14 Currently taking BCP.. moving onto IVF in July '14
Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG

Re: Am I the only one that feels this way?

  • I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  I know exactly how you feel, with things so fresh it's hard to imagine trying again, or ever not feeling so scared and confused. Even when we first made the decision to TTC I had mixed feelings, I was already 18 years past having my first and she's wonderful and perfect, and I questioned whether or not I should be tempting fate by trying for another especially at my age. And now with this loss I just feel even more terrified. It's so hard. You're definitely not the only one feeling this way! 

     


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 40  DH: 41
    Daughter from previous marriage: 19

    TTC #2 since August 2012
    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014


    My FF Chart

    TTCAL BLOG

    All ALers welcome!

  • image gscoville:

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  I know exactly how you feel, with things so fresh it's hard to imagine trying again, or ever not feeling so scared and confused. Even when we first made the decision to TTC I had mixed feelings, I was already 18 years past having my first and she's wonderful and perfect, and I questioned whether or not I should be tempting fate by trying for another especially at my age. And now with this loss I just feel even more terrified. It's so hard. You're definitely not the only one feeling this way! 

     

    I am so sorry for your loss, I too am missing my right tube, but not due to ectopic. I agree this is a painful and scary process. I love my daughter and I don't want her to think she isn't enough for me, she is. Its just that I can see her with a sibling and it kills me that I can't easily make that happen. 



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    4/14 Currently taking BCP.. moving onto IVF in July '14
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
  • I am very sorry for your loss. I too would love a sibling for dd. I fully intent to try again as soon as we are given the green night but I am too terrified... I don't think these feelings go away. Hugs and best of luck deciding what's best for your family.
    BFP #1 4/6/09; EDD 12/6/09; miscarriage 4/10/09..............BFP #2 5/3/09; DD born 1/9/10........BFP #3 12/15/12, EDD 8/31/13; baby stopped growing at 5w3d; natural miscarriage..........BFP #4 2/8/13, EDD 10/20/13; missed miscarriage discovered 9w2d; d/c.......BFP #5 10/22/13, EDD 7/8/13; miscarriage 10/28/13..... BFP #6 11/19/13; EDD 7/28/14, baby development
  • I feel you. Its a crappy place to be :) I wrote a similar post about my DD, thats what is helping me the most right now. Take care. 
    Pregnancy Ticker


    image


    Natural M/C 1.10 MMC 1.13 CP 12.13
    This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies. And for all the butterflies that never felt the wind in their wings. And for all the hearts that had hopes and dreams of a wondrous flight together.
  • I know how you feel.  I feel like I'm stuck in this depression that I can't get out of.  The only thing I can say is to continually remind yourself what blessings you already have and that more may come to you.  Constantly repeating self-affirmations has really helped me in the past.  I know it sounds kind of kooky, but give it a try.  When we found out my SIL was pregnant, I had to continually tell myself how happy I was to get a niece.  It took more than a couple of self reminders when I was feeling jealous, but now there is no doubt in my mind that I am overjoyed to be an aunt, even though I still yearn to be a mom.
    Age: 29 | DH Age: 31
    Diagnosed with PCOS
    TTC Since 2009
    July 2011- IUI #1 BPN (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Aug 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Sept 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Oct 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Nov 2011- IUI #2 BPN (Femara, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Took a break and then found a new RE
    Oct 2012- IUI #3 BPN (Follistim, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    Nov 2012- IUI #4 (Follistim, Ovidrel, Crinone)
    BFP on November 29th
    Pregnancy was ectopic and terminated on December 8th
  • I know exactly how you feel as I am going through the same thing.  Over a year and a half, with tons of fertility meds/procedures and finally got pregnant to result in this.   At this moment all I want to do his spend as much time as I can with my DS and throw in the towel.  I think a much needed break is deserved.  Maybe in a few months I will be/you will be ready to try again!?!
  • I feel the exact same way.  I have a perfect DD and she is the center of my world and I would love more than anything to give her a sibling but with this MC being number 3 for me I am seriously contemplating if I should continue to try.  Each one seems to be a little longer pregnancy than the last but I don't know how many more times I can continue this heartbreak.  Will it get to a point that I keep trying and with each try I get more numb to the fact that I am pregnant because I know it will not last?  I don't want to feel that way.  I want it to be a happy experience like my DD was and I just don't know if it will be now.

    On the other had I feel like a failure if I quit.  I feel like a failure that I cant carry another child.  So I am torn on how to proceed.  You are definitely not along.  I am so sorry for your loss.  (((hugs))) 

    Mommy to baby J - 09/2009 - My perfect little princess.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    TTC#2
    BFP 10/14/11 - MC 10/21/11 @ 4w3d
    BFP 01/23/12 - MC 02/05/12 @ 5w2d
    BFP 12/21/12 - D&C 02/07/13 @ 10w2d 02/27/13 - MTHFR

    My Blog:Two Moms and a Journey

    My Chart

  • image spendsitwell:

    I feel the exact same way.  I have a perfect DD and she is the center of my world and I would love more than anything to give her a sibling but with this MC being number 3 for me I am seriously contemplating if I should continue to try.  Each one seems to be a little longer pregnancy than the last but I don't know how many more times I can continue this heartbreak.  Will it get to a point that I keep trying and with each try I get more numb to the fact that I am pregnant because I know it will not last?  I don't want to feel that way.  I want it to be a happy experience like my DD was and I just don't know if it will be now.

    On the other had I feel like a failure if I quit.  I feel like a failure that I cant carry another child.  So I am torn on how to proceed.  You are definitely not along.  I am so sorry for your loss.  (((hugs))) 

    I am so sorry for your losses. I too can relate to feeling like a failure if I quit. Hugs 



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    4/14 Currently taking BCP.. moving onto IVF in July '14
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
  • I am sure in time we will find the right answers.  Right now nothing seems like the right thing to do even though I have a million things going through my head of what if.  It's so frustrating.  Thank you so much for the support.

    Mommy to baby J - 09/2009 - My perfect little princess.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    TTC#2
    BFP 10/14/11 - MC 10/21/11 @ 4w3d
    BFP 01/23/12 - MC 02/05/12 @ 5w2d
    BFP 12/21/12 - D&C 02/07/13 @ 10w2d 02/27/13 - MTHFR

    My Blog:Two Moms and a Journey

    My Chart

  • I understand the feeling numb part. I hope time can heal all our broken hearts and that we all find luck in trying again. Hugs to you.

    BFP #1 1/7/13***EDD 9/14/13*** MC 1/17/13
    ~*6/24/13 hCG #1-112 @ 13DPO, Progesterone-21.75*~
    ~*6/26/13 hCG #2-238 @ 15DPO, Progesterone-28.15*~
    ~*6/28/13 hCG #3-566 @ 17DPO*~
    BFP #2 6/21/13***EDD 3/4/14*** Arrived 2/19/14***Team BLUE

    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards