March 2013 Moms

FTM vent

Any other FTM's getting sick of people that have children talking to you like you're an idiot? Is anyone else even having this issue? I am all for advice, I wouldn't come on here if I wasn't, but really only of it's constructive advice. For example, my dad asked me if we were planning on putting the baby down on the changing table and walking away. My response was, umm no because I'm not an idiot. His assumption was that because I've never had a baby before, I wouldn't know that I shouldn't do that. I may not have a child yet but I do have a brain! My favorite is the, "do you even know how to change a diaper" comment. Yes, I do actually and if I didn't I would learn just like every first time parent had to learn. Do these people forget that they too were a first time parent at some point? And I'm sorry, I don't care how many nieces and nephews you have, if you've never been pregnant or had a child, please don't try to tell me how it is because you don't know either! Ugh!

Re: FTM vent

  • Not a FTM, but I remember being so fed up with it, especially from my SIL, who had no kids but spent a few years as a live-in mother's helper. (I about died when she tried to insist a VBAC was a cesarean with a v-shaped incision). MIL wasn't much better, criticizing every choice I made and laughing at half of them. When I started sleep training, she told me I was wasting my time (though she claimed that was because "her kids never slept and I just have to suck it up, because DD is DH's child")

    My dad was also irritating, making comments about discipline when I was in the midst of dealing with my stubborn toddler. I wanted to scream at him sometimes. He spent all day working, my mom raised us while he did tours and such for the Navy. He dealt with a stubborn toddler at bedtime only, not all day. His tough-love approach might work great short-term, but I wanted long-term results that didn't have my child afraid of me (she refused to go near him and he thought this was a good thing).

    Thank goodness my mom rocked and would just offer sympathy and an extra set of hands on my rough days, no criticism and only advice when I asked. 

    DD- 11/17/08, DD- 11/16/09, DS- 3/20/13 
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  • Amen sister! lol.

     I was at the grocery store the other day, and the couple next to me who are FTP had their little bundle of joy all wrapped up. And my cashier (not theirs) yells over me to them that their daughter isn't covered up enough for the weather outside. She was covered just fine, leave them alone.

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  • image SarahRae85:

     (I about died when she tried to insist a VBAC was a cesarean with a v-shaped incision).

    That's hilarious!   I am sure you handled your response to that in a much more diplomatic way than I would have... :-)

     

    For the most part, I haven't had too many people offer me ridiculous advice.  I actually have the opposite problem - everybody says that hubby and i will be great parents and our kid will be really smart (we're both very nerdy), but I'm totally freaked and need as much advice as I can get!

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  • I haven't gotten too much of that -- if anything, I have encountered a few parents who don't seem to be particularly happy with their lives and talk about parenting in a negative light.  You know, the types who basically complain non-stop about how hard it is, without ever adding anything positive, and then say something like "you'll see how hard it is," as if you just stupidly got KU thinking having a kid was going to be the easiest experience ever. 

    I have noticed that some older adults seem to assume that younger ones are clueless idiots when giving advice.  I've noticed it both in my career and my MIL is pretty bad about it.  I used to think, based on the advice she gives me, that she must think I am the dumbest person ever, but have come to realize over time that she just thinks everyone under the age of 35 or so has no clue what's going on.  Around the time we announced we were pregnant, she said something about DH's cousin's girlfriend probably being too young to know that pregnant women aren't supposed to drink.  The girlfriend is 30 years old and has two sisters who have had kids.   

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  • Unsolicited advice is my biggest pet peeve! Especially when it is coming from a FTM who was a few weeks futher along than I. Obviously she's the expert and should send me random tips!
  • image mal922:
    I haven't gotten too much of that if anything, I have encounterednbsp;a few parents who don't seem to benbsp;particularly happy with their lives and talk about parenting in a negative light.nbsp; You know, the types who basically complain nonstop about how hard it is, without ever adding anything positive, and then say something likenbsp;"you'll see how hard it is," as if you just stupidly got KU thinkingnbsp;having a kidnbsp;was going to be the easiest experience ever.nbsp;
    I have noticed thatnbsp;some older adultsnbsp;seem to assume that younger ones are clueless idiots when giving advice.nbsp; I've noticed it both in my career and my MIL is pretty bad about it.nbsp; I used to think, based on the advice she gives me, that she must think I am the dumbest person ever, but have come to realize over time that she just thinks everyone under the age of 35 or so has no clue what's going on.nbsp; Around the time we announced we were pregnant, she said something about DH's cousin's girlfriend probably being too young to know that pregnant women aren't supposed to drink.nbsp; The girlfriend is 30 years old and has two sisters who have had kids.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;


    I agree that we've definitely heard more of the "we think you're an idiot" comments from older adults. We also get the comments about how tough it is to be a parent too. And the ones about how "terrible" it is. Again, we're not dumb and we know that it's not going to be a breeze.
    My response to those comments has now been "If you dislike being a parent so much, then why did you have kids?" That seems to shut them up real quick.
  • I fully admit that DH and I are clueless about being parents, but we aren't idiots. We actually have spent a lot of time researching and talking about the kind of parents we want to be and we haven't made any decision lightly. We've been told we are crazy for wanting to cloth diaper "you guys won't last a week!" and that we are "ruining" our child's life for giving her a name most people will have trouble spelling and pronouncing. My favorite so far has been that we are spoiling our baby because we are putting money in a 529 plan so we can start saving for college now. Seriously?? I'm happy to get advice from people that have been where we are and genuinely want to help, but the judging is infuriating!
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  • image kimba1976:
    I fully admit that DH and I are clueless about being parents, but we aren't idiots. We actually have spent a lot of time researching and talking about the kind of parents we want to be and we haven't made any decision lightly. We've been told we are crazy for wanting to cloth diaper "you guys won't last a week!" and that we are "ruining" our child's life for giving her a name most people will have trouble spelling and pronouncing. My favorite so far has been that we are spoiling our baby because we are putting money in a 529 plan so we can start saving for college now. Seriously?? I'm happy to get advice from people that have been where we are and genuinely want to help, but the judging is infuriating!


    Exactly! I fully appreciate advice just not criticism. Telling me all the things you hate about being a parent is not advice!
    And we are starting a 529 plan as well. My husband is a financial advisor so he is all for it. What's wrong with preparing for your child's future education? I wouldn't say that's spoiling a child at all.
  • image kimba1976:
    I fully admit that DH and I are clueless about being parents, but we aren't idiots. We actually have spent a lot of time researching and talking about the kind of parents we want to be and we haven't made any decision lightly. We've been told we are crazy for wanting to cloth diaper "you guys won't last a week!" and that we are "ruining" our child's life for giving her a name most people will have trouble spelling and pronouncing. My favorite so far has been that we are spoiling our baby because we are putting money in a 529 plan so we can start saving for college now. Seriously?? I'm happy to get advice from people that have been where we are and genuinely want to help, but the judging is infuriating!

    Yay for traditional Irish names! It's not that bad... just annoying when I have to spell it 2 or 3 times over the phone.  Saoirse is easy to say and people will very quickly get used to it after she's born.

     

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  • image lindseybell3:

    image kimba1976:
    I fully admit that DH and I are clueless about being parents, but we aren't idiots. We actually have spent a lot of time researching and talking about the kind of parents we want to be and we haven't made any decision lightly. We've been told we are crazy for wanting to cloth diaper "you guys won't last a week!" and that we are "ruining" our child's life for giving her a name most people will have trouble spelling and pronouncing. My favorite so far has been that we are spoiling our baby because we are putting money in a 529 plan so we can start saving for college now. Seriously?? I'm happy to get advice from people that have been where we are and genuinely want to help, but the judging is infuriating!

    Yay for traditional Irish names! It's not that bad... just annoying when I have to spell it 2 or 3 times over the phone.  Saoirse is easy to say and people will very quickly get used to it after she's born.

     



    Thanks! My husband is Irish and his whole family lives in Ireland so it's important that she have a Gaelic name. My American family thinks we are making a terrible decision because it sounds foreign to THEM. Argh!!!
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