2nd Trimester

Doctor revealed sex and I am sad...

Let me start by saying...I am thrilled beyond belief that all test have come back positive.  I had additional bloodwork done because I am 37 and my risk for trisomy disorders was not that reduced after the 13 week screening.  So everything is GREAT.

 However, I feel like an emotional wreck and I am sitting in my office trying hard not to cry.  The geneticist came on the phone...gave me the results and said you are having a boy.  Apparently, this additional blood test determines sex because it is literally looking at chromosomes.

 So why do I feel sooooo guilty that I am crying because it is not the little girl I wanted?  I have three nephews, I wanted something different, I LOVE pink and I am obsessed with little girl stuff.

 Is it ok to be disappointed?  How do I stop feeling this way?  Maybe I should go to Target after work and get some cute biy things to cheer me up?

 I would love any advice.  All my friends had thei kids 10 years ago and aren't really good at this stuff.

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Re: Doctor revealed sex and I am sad...

  • So... this is your first kid and you're crying because you're having a girl? 

     

    BFP#1: 7/19/12 EDD: 03/15/2012 M/C: 7/28/12 - I love you always, Lily!
    BFP #2: 10/28/12 EDD: 07/09/13 

    My beautiful little rainbow baby girl born July 16th, 2013.
  • No because she's not having a girl..
    Pregnancy Ticker BabyFetus Ticker image image image image
  • image ImaniJ55:
    No because she's not having a girl..

    My bad. So, you're crying because you're not having a girl?

    I can get being upset and everything but maybe you should cruise by the TTCAL or PGAL boards for some perspective... 

    BFP#1: 7/19/12 EDD: 03/15/2012 M/C: 7/28/12 - I love you always, Lily!
    BFP #2: 10/28/12 EDD: 07/09/13 

    My beautiful little rainbow baby girl born July 16th, 2013.
  • image mystererae:

    image ImaniJ55:
    No because she's not having a girl..

    My bad. So, you're crying because you're not having a girl?

    I can get being upset and everything but maybe you should cruise by the TTCAL or PGAL boards for some perspective... 

    Ah yes, or 3T or IF boards.

    Eta: seriously not trying to be snarky. I think checking out all these boards will help to put things into perspective 

    Off BCP since 1/12
    TTC since 3/12
    High LH/FSH Ratio 8/12
    DX with PCOS 11/12
    Clomid 50mg - 19.5mm Follie - Trigger + TI = BFP! 11/12
    EDD August 11, 2013 
    DS Born August 14, 2013!

    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPicimage 



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  • image mystererae:

    image ImaniJ55:
    No because she's not having a girl..

    My bad. So, you're crying because you're not having a girl?

    I can get being upset and everything but maybe you should cruise by the TTCAL or PGAL boards for some perspective... 



    So true and once you hit your third tri, you won't even care if its a boy or girl. You just want them to come out healthy over everything.
    Pregnancy Ticker BabyFetus Ticker image image image image
  • I'm not trying to sound harsh, but maybe that's kind of what you need. I'm sorry but there is nothing that irks me more than when people stop counting their blessings, of which there are MANY when you are pregnant with a healthy baby, and choose to focus on something so selfish and small as the sex of their baby. I can understand having a small, BRIEF wave of sadness, but IMO that should be quickly overcome by a tsunami of love, appreciation and gratefulness that you have the opportunity to carry a new life and nurture this little person growing inside of you.

    If I were you, I'd throw a pity party for three minutes, then throw all disappointment out the window and get excited about your sweet new baby boy! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think it's normal to be disappointed. I was feeling like that when I found out this LO is a girl. I wanted a boy and any other future babies of mine I wanted them to be boys. I have a DD already and all that cutesy stuff is not for me lol I'm a plain jane kind of girl. Boys are fun and you'll love your baby no matter what gender it is. All that really matters is that LO is healthy.
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  • It's not abnormal to be a little disappointed. Staying sad and disappointed is when it becomes a problem. Give yourself a second, be bummed. Then start moving on.
     

  • What are those boards?  I am new.  I know nothing about this.  Thanks though....
  • Considering your age i think that you should be thankful that you were able to conceive a healthy baby. That being said, you wanted a girl and got a boy and there is no changing that. I can promise you that instead of tutus and dance lessons you will fall in love with toy trucks and work boots faster than you could ever imagine.  When you see that baby for the first time all of your thoughts of little girls will disappear and you will love this little boy! I think, if this is going to be your only child, that no matter what it was you would be a little sad that it wasnt the other sex because its human nature to want what you cant have and to wonder what kind of mom you would be if it were a girl. Stay positive and love this little guy! 

  • Thanks! I completely understand all that matters is health...but I can't help I am an emotional nightmare....I was simply asking for advice on how to cope.  NOT more criticism.  I feel badly enough.  Hormones suck! 
  • Thanks!  I appreciate it.  And you are right.  I started by saying all that matters is the health.  It was just disappointing and all these hormones are killing me.  I appreciate the pep talk.
  • Congrats on a healthy baby!  Now take a deep breath.  & allow yourself a little time to feel however you feel about the news.  I have known other parents who were disappointed.  As long as you are looking at the positive (healthy, which it seems you are) and don't get stuck on the disappointment, I think you will be fine.  Now that you know, you can start thinking of all the positives of having your little boy now.  

    If it helps, I was sure DS was DD, as was DH.  When they announced we had a boy, we were shocked.  I actually had guilt over it and that I, obviously, wanted a girl (#18&)-1 % &; 3$1 "'41-3_ % 3$%?: % +&?314 ;( "'41-3 3" #1 & 6%2'). I am so happy it was a boy first though.  It turns out someone knew better than me :)  With DD, I thought she was going to be a boy and spent my pregnancygearing up for all the positives of 2 boys.  While I was thrilled when they said we had a girl, I had to find the positives for that relationship and let go of the ones I expected. I was always happy, but I found out when baby was here, so I think it was easier having baby in my arms.   Good luck - go find something adorably boy.

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Thanks Kitten 80 and others.  You are all right and it was fleeting.  Just being stuck in the office with no one to talk to made it sort of hard.  [My office is horrible].  I do have a million things to be thankful for and I am everyday.  Emotionally though, thanks to raging hormones...I could not help my reaction.

     I am headed to target for retail therapy which always works for me.  Now, I am 4 weeks ahead of time on knowing whether to buy blue or pink!  That is a total bonus!

    :)

  • Sorry for the #s & symbols above. I'm on my semi smart pone so I can't see once I get a few sentences in - no way to scroll.  And today, I can't get "edit" to work. Oh well.  I see you are new.  There is a Bump glossary bottom left corner that can help you with abbreviations. Things like TTC are "trying to conceive" "pgal" = "pregnant after a loss" - they are other boards as well as acronyms used in posts.  

     

     

     

     

     

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  • image GraceInCA:
    First post. MUD.
     

    You know some people have to post their first post at sometime.... soooo just because it's her first doesn't mean that she's automatically an MUD. Give the lady a little bit of slack for being honest and trying to get some help/support. I get people are going to disagree, but I feel like people are called out for being MUD a little too quickly around here.  

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You're just hormonal and blowing a little disappointment into a major thing right now. It happens. You'll feel better soon. In the meantime, head to Baby Gap or something and do a little browsing. Don't go in the tutu section and feel bad for yourself -- check out all the adorable little man stuff.

    I know you've already got three nephews and think you wanted something different... but this isn't another nephew! This is YOUR little guy, and he'll always be extra special to you. 

    Alaska babies <3!

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    Killian Holt born May 2011 at 38w4d
    Lily Song-Yi born July 2013 at 39w5d

    TTC at end of summer/waiting on AF/dreaming of a third/
    RN caring for high-risk pregnant mamas
  • Baby boys are so cute and wonderful. I have a girl and two boys with another boy on they way. They are all fun and cute kids, don't worry usually a lot of difference in gender is a preconcieved notion. My daughter doesn't own one doll or babrie, because she hates them. She is into animals and wants to be a zoologist. She is very interested in dinosaurs and goes on fossil digs in the yard with her brothers, she quit dance to play basketball. She wears some girlie things but with a bit of her spicey attitude nothing preppy girlie. They all like the same things so I never really think about the boy girl thing. Congrats, and have fun shopping, I really think that is a good cure for most minor things ;)
    August Sig. man crush
     image
    Mom to 4 cute kids! 10 yo girl 8 yo boy 6 yo boy and a 1.5 yo boy!
  • Im lurking because TB is slow

    I had a touch of disappointment when I found it was a boy. I didnt even think I cared until I found out. Some pluses about a little boy. 

    If I had a little girl, I wouldnt have a little man calling me mom in his tiny little boy voice that melts my heart

    I have this weird grandeur about raising a man. I mean, not everybody gets to do it and how wonderful to see your little boy grow into this big hunk who still loves you like when he was little.

    You can do a little boy's hair way before a little girl's.

    Sweatshirts! 

    For me, it was mostly a "cute" thing. Little boy stuff isnt cutesy to me. My guy had reflux so bad he basically wore a receiving blanket his first few months, so girl or boy, my LO wouldnt have been wearing anything cute. I remember dressing him up to go out to dinner for the first time in his little matching socks and outfit. He was so sweet and cooing at everybody. He will melt your heart. Dont worry.

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  • I can totally understand how your feel. I went through the same thing a few weeks ago. What helped me, was going out and shopping for baby boy things. It was so much fun and it helped keep me focus on the reality of the situation. Time heals all wounds. Give yourself some time and then go enjoy preparing for your LO!
    Pregnancy Ticker Married: December 19, 2009
  • I honestly don't get this mentality. I'm sorry you're upset, but my biggest thing when I'm pregnant is making sure baby is healthy.

    This is my third and I have 2 boys. All the people saying "I hope it's a girl" to me are making me want to punch them. I just feel blessed to have 2 amazing boys and hopefully another healthy baby inside me.

    I really don't understand when parents are disappointed. I mean, you do know when you set out to have a child, there's a 50/50 chance you with have either sex, right? Or is that not common knowledge?

    I'm sorry if I sound harsh, I just think this kind of attitude is a slap in the face to all the people that would kill for a healthy baby. That said, I hope you come to terms soon with this and can start feeling incredibly happy and blessed about the life you're holding in your hands instead of "crying at your desk". It just seems a little ungrateful to me. Sorry.
  • get over it and try for a girl after this one! Come on boys are great too!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Hey OP, don't listen to the PPs who criticize. That happens on here a lot. What you are feeling does not make you a bad mommy, or mean that you prioritize sex over health of your baby. You are just adjusting to the news. Your first impression is often not the lasting one.

    Have fun at Target, it sounds like you know just what you need. :
    Me: 37, DH: 34
    DD1: born 7/4/13
    TTC our second!

    My Ovulation Chart


  • I try to stay away from this board but I just can't, I am so jealous I am not here anymore.  Anyway, I totally get how you are feeling.  I felt really bad that my second was a boy but of course after a few hours I got over it and moved on to picking baby boy names.  Well we decided to have a third and prayed and hoped and crossed our fingers we would have a girl. At 18wks we found out we were having a little girl only problem was she was going to die.  She had an encephelocele at the base of her skull.  This is more commom in girls.  So as much as you may want that little girl,  at what cost?  Its ok to be disappointed but let yourself enjoy just being pregnant and having a healthy baby. 
  • It's ok to be disappointed. Lots of people are. Just give yourself permission to do so, and then you'll find you'll start getting excited about little boy stuff...hormones are a crazy thing! There's always the next baby...and by then, you'll probably be hoping for another sweet boy like you already have! :)
  • Give yourself some time to get over the disappointment. Cry it out, then move on. You're going to have a healthy baby boy, and that's something you'll eventually be happy about. I know everyone's probably making you guilty, saying you should be thankful that you conceived at all, etc, but there's no point in suppressing your feelings. Let them out, then move on. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers image image
  • Think of the positives of a little boy!  Mine is my mommas boy and it's great!  Most of all be so thankful that the baby is healthy!  
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  • I wanted a girl so badly for my first. Obviously, that didn't happen.

    Now? Should fate never "give" me a daughter, I honestly would not care because I know what it's like to share a bond like no other with your child, regardless of what is between their legs.

     

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  • image BabyOliveira:
    Thanks!nbsp; I appreciate it.nbsp; And you are right.nbsp; I started by saying all that matters is the health.nbsp; It was just disappointing and all these hormones are killing me.nbsp; I appreciate the pep talk.


    I totally understand where you're coming from on being over emotional, even if it seems a bit silly. It's a huge emotional roller coaster of excitement, anxiety, worry, impatience, joy... your body is going through crazy changes and your life is about to go through crazy changes and we all get super frazzled! As a teenager I used to get teary on PMS, to the point where being told todo the dishes when I KNEW it was my turn, no injustice or upsets, would make me cry inexplicably! So I totally understand that sometimes you feel upset over stuff even if you don't want to be upset, because of hormones or who knows, even when you feel like "I SHOULD be so happy what's wrong with me?"

    Just let yourself process the feelings for a few days. Talk to your partner or your BFF about your feelings. Or your therapist if you have one. Think about what exciting things you can do with your son. And know that not everything about your chd is determined by their sex, especially if you don't force it on them! Your son may still be interested in the activities you dreamed of doing with your daughter. Give yourself some time to calm down, to think about your feelings. Let yourself feel, it's ok! You can think about it, process it, move on. If you're unable to move on, see a therapist for help and make sure you're not in an unhealthy place.

    I hate all the "At least you're not infertile or didn't have a MC boohiss" people. "These people have it worse so your feelings are invalid!" Is stupid and not helpful. Hey at least the people on TTCAL board aren't the worst off people in Africa with terrible maternity death rates infant mortality, with no proper healthcare or electricity! So they should STFU!
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