April 2013 Moms

could my living situation get any worse?

mobile: could my living situation get any worse?

I've mentioned before that my bf and I are currently living with my parents. We have had lots of issues with this situation so far ( raising of rent, constant bickering with my mother, disagreements on cloth diapers in the wash, yadda yadda) and to top it off, today i found out my brother got fired YET AGAIN from his new job and since he hasn't resigned his lease for his apartment he will be moving back home and taking over what was going to be the nursery. Im BEYOND furious right now because all my brother does is smoke pot and scream at his online video games. There is no way in hell I am letting his deadbeat ass come into this house where my child will be. Before I was even aware of him moving back in I told him and my mother ( who will be watching my daughter when i go back to college in the fall) that he is not allowed to hold her and preferably not be around her until i see clean drug tests. I honestly don't even know what to do right now. My bf and I don't have enough money to move out and his parents live too far away from the university he just got accepted into to get his BA for us to move in with them. My mother is in complete denial that my brother does anything illegal and it really frustrates me. I've never had a good relationship with him and im honestly not looking to start one anytime soon. I'm trying really hard not to stress over this but I don't want my baby anywhere near him!!!!

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Re: could my living situation get any worse?

  • It really sucks that you are in this situation right now and I can only imagine ow stressed you must feel. With that being said, you are living in someone elses house. You cannot expect your mom to deny your brother coming back home if he needs to. You are clearly an adult and got yourself into a situation where you are unable to support yourself or afford a caretaker for your child. You have no right to not allow your brother to step foot into your mothers house. If I were you I would do what needs to be done to find a place of my own, and stand on my own 2 feet even if it is a 1 room studio. 

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  • image kimmarie1105:
    It really sucks that you are in this situation right now and I can only imagine ow stressed you must feel. With that being said, you are living in someone elses house. You cannot expect your mom to deny your brother coming back home if he needs to. You are clearly an adult and got yourself into a situation where you are unable to support yourself or afford a caretaker for your child. You have no right to not allow your brother to step foot into your mothers house. If I were you I would do what needs to be done to find a place of my own, and stand on my own 2 feet even if it is a 1 room studio. 

    Agreed. She is taking care of HER child, just as you would take care of YOURS.

    (Granted, if your brother was my kid and had to move home, no way would he be smoking weed in my house and acting like a 13 year old, but I digress).

    But the above advice is spot on.  You have to find a way to move out -- and NOT just because of this brother situaiton, but because you need to stand on your own two feet.

     

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  • I am sorry you are going through this.  What is your plan to get you and your family out of there?  I can see why you are angry but you are living in someone else's house and your mom can chose to let who she wants live there unfortunatly.  Sounds like you need a fresh start, hope you can find a place to live where your baby will not be subjected to constant fighting.
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  • You guys are right, I can't tell her who can and can not live here but it's just shitty because I know he won't be paying rent and I will be and he smokes pot and does nothing all day while my bf and I both work and go to school; well I'll be going back once the fall semester starts. The only way I can afford to move out is if I go on welfare which I really don't want to do because I feel like I'm abusing the system. Maybe I'll just try and find him a job in the meantime so he can afford to stay in his place. Just when everything was starting to go right I get this bomb dropped on me. Grrrrr!!
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  • image kimmarie1105:
    It really sucks that you are in this situation right now and I can only imagine ow stressed you must feel. With that being said, you are living in someone elses house. You cannot expect your mom to deny your brother coming back home if he needs to. You are clearly an adult and got yourself into a situation where you are unable to support yourself or afford a caretaker for your child. You have no right to not allow your brother to step foot into your mothers house. If I were you I would do what needs to be done to find a place of my own, and stand on my own 2 feet even if it is a 1 room studio. 

    I agree with this 100%. I am sorry you are in this situation and can only imagine how stressful it must be for you, but you are living in someone elses home. You do not have the right to stop your brother from coming into the house, whether your child is there or not. If you don't want your brother in the same house as your child, unfortunately it sounds like you will need to make alternative living arrangements. I hope everything works out well for you.

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  • you will definitely push through this, dont stress that baby out, just relax and breathe, it will all work out in the end

     

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  • image whiterabbit646:
    You guys are right, I can't tell her who can and can not live here but it's just shitty because I know he won't be paying rent and I will be and he smokes pot and does nothing all day while my bf and I both work and go to school; well I'll be going back once the fall semester starts. The only way I can afford to move out is if I go on welfare which I really don't want to do because I feel like I'm abusing the system. Maybe I'll just try and find him a job in the meantime so he can afford to stay in his place. Just when everything was starting to go right I get this bomb dropped on me. Grrrrr!!

     

    I dont know the intimate details of your situation. Maybe you and your BF should consider taking the next 7 months or so to get a 2nd job and save that money for a place of your own. A lot of colleges have free or low cost child care. I cant comprehend how if you both work you are unable to afford your own place. It seems to me that living at home with your mother, even without your brother there, is a bad situation for everyone involved. I would live off of peanut butter sandwiches and water to support myself if it meant a healthier environment for my immediate family.  

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  • Maybe you can put school off until your bf is done and has a good job where you can afford to go back. It is possible to make it work.. It won't be easy but it cold work. When I was 19 I wanted to move out so I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time.
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  • image MechanicMama1:
    Maybe you can put school off until your bf is done and has a good job where you can afford to go back. It is possible to make it work.. It won't be easy but it cold work. When I was 19 I wanted to move out so I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time.

    I could, but I so badly want to go back to school!! My daughter absolutely comes first so I might just have to give up on that dream and work instead. Right now there is nothing I can do about it though because there isn't enough time. I'll be devastated if i can't go back to school, I had a just a few more classes left before I had my AA. 

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  • I really just want to thank everyone for the advice that was given. It has helped to calm me a bit, my brother moving in is completely out of my hands so i need to stop wasting my time being upset and spend it working on a solution. 
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  • Sorry you are going through this but as people above have said, I would do my very best to find a different living situation. I commend you for trying to work and go to school at the same time, however, unfortunately sometimes when we become parents we have to put aside some of our dreams/goals for our children. It doesn't mean that it has to be forever. It may only be for a year or two until you guys get situated. Try not to stress, everything will work it self out. Somehow, someway, it always does.
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