February 2013 Moms

mini meltdown

I just realized how close I am to having this baby and how it won't be just me and dd anymore. Had to shell out a few tears over this it just makes me sad. Any other moms feeling this way. Or any moms with advice with transition for her and me.
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Re: mini meltdown

  • I remember feeling this way but I guarantee you will be SO glad you had another child. There is nothing like seeing them interact and grow together. I actually feel sad when I see only children, like the kids and the parents are missing out on this great experience. You will not be able to remember what it was like to only have one. 
    Jen
    Mom to Ava 12.21.04 and Austin 10.22.06
    BFP 12/5/11...natural m/c 12/23/11 Pregnancy Ticker
  • I've been like that on and off the whole pregnancy. Pretty sure it was just Monday when We were discussing who was taking care of DD1 when we head off to the hospital, and the thought of leaving her to go have another baby made me completely lose it. I know we want to grow our family, but it is so hard to see the big picture right now.

    Annnnd I'm all weepy again. Stupid freaking hormones!
  • I know exactly how you feel. Im sooo extremely excited for our second and so excited to give DS a sibling and to watch them grow together and we plan on having more too. But some days I feel so sad its not just going to be DS and just be us three. And I feel guilty he won't be getting my full attention. Im a SAHM too so it may be extra hard for him to share me. Just today I got the snugabunny bouncer for the new baby and as I was putting it together I was just about crying. DS was crawling around "helping" me and I felt so bad to be getting stuff ready for his new sister. 

    I found this on the 2u2 board from a post like this one. I bawl every time I read it:

    LOVING TWO

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.  Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.  And I wonder:  how can I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then he is born and I watch you.  I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me."  And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

    You cry.  I cry with you.  I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.  A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.  I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass and we are settling into a new routine.  The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two.  There are new times - only now we are three.  I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. 

    I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long.  I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.  And I begin to relize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you. 

    I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.  And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.  Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently. 

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.  There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

    I love you - both.  And I thank you both for blessing my life.  - Author unknown

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  • I don't have any advice. I feel the same way. I've been trying to soak it all in these last few weeks with just one. We've been doing a lot of fun activities together and I'm cuddling him as much as I can. 

    I cried not long after I got my BFP because I was so sad for DS's babyhood to be over. He'll always be my baby, but it will never be the same once I bring his little sister home.  

  • And now I'm weeping... I've been feeling guilty about another one coming and having to share my time and have things change so dramatically for DS and I, even though I know logically that it's best for everyone and things will change for the better. My DS is almost 4, so we've had all of this great time together and I guess it's just hard to let go of that. Add that to the hormone-fueled emotions and the insecurities I feel about taking care of 2, and I've been a real mess lately!

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  • Coming from an only child it's the best gift you can give your child. First thing on every birthday and Christmas list growing up was a brother/ sister, anytime I feel sad I can't help but feel excited that my DS will get to grow up with a sibling.
  • The hormones don't help at all! But we all can do it and I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way!
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  • It is not as bad as you think. You will see the new baby and just be happy, that is how I was. Now my DD who was a few weeks shy of two was slightly weirded out. I tried to do extra specail things and show her a lot of love. Have a good cry about it, that is healthy, but try not to be too worried. I was just awe struck in love when the new baby came.
    Mom to 4 cute kids, 10 y/o girl, 8, 6, and 1.5 y/o boys
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  • You are definitely not alone.  I've been a mess on and off through this whole pregnancy because of it.  As an only child who was (and is) incredibly close to her parents and never really missed having a sibling, the idea of sharing that love is still pretty foreign to me.  I just keep telling myself it will work out.  DS1 is such a sweet little boy.  He loves babies and I know in my heart that he will love his new little brother.  But to be honest I'm still a mess and have broken down about it so many times during this pregnancy.
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    lovelylittleworld
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  • I remember feeling that way with DS when I was expecting DD, in fact I remember taking the time to sing and rock him until he was asleep for the about a week the last month of my pregnancy, haha I thought I wouldn't love DD as much because she was taking my time away from my baby, but it all turned out just fine despite what I thought lol. Do definitely take the time to enjoy your first LO's before your seconds get here though, I am so glad I went the extra mile with him that last little while and I think it helped him too. Also, I brought a framed pic of him with me to the hospital as a focal point and so I wouldn't miss him so much. I'm bringing one of both of them this time.
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  • image mhbraymer:
    I just realized how close I am to having this baby and how it won't be just me and dd anymore. Had to shell out a few tears over this it just makes me sad. Any other moms feeling this way. Or any moms with advice with transition for her and me.


    Yes, except mine was a huge meltdown with full on ugly crying off and on all night. However, mine was compounded with the fact that my husband just started working much longer hours as he just got a promotion. It's great, but leaves me to do all the childcare all day and the dogs are up to me too. We don't live near family so I have no help around really and I started freaking out wondering how I am going to do all this with two kids under two...way under two! And in winter when you have to crazy bundle kids up to leave the house. Yeah, I'm nit entirely finished freaking out. And every day I can't help but feel worried about how DD will react to me not giving her my fill attention. I know these feelings are normal, but it's hard to deal with sometimes.
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  • image jas9210:

    I know exactly how you feel. Im sooo extremely excited for our second and so excited to give DS a sibling and to watch them grow together and we plan on having more too. But some days I feel so sad its not just going to be DS and just be us three. And I feel guilty he won't be getting my full attention. Im a SAHM too so it may be extra hard for him to share me. Just today I got the snugabunny bouncer for the new baby and as I was putting it together I was just about crying. DS was crawling around "helping" me and I felt so bad to be getting stuff ready for his new sister. 

    I found this on the 2u2 board from a post like this one. I bawl every time I read it:

    LOVING TWO

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.  Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.  And I wonder:  how can I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then he is born and I watch you.  I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me."  And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

    You cry.  I cry with you.  I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.  A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.  I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass and we are settling into a new routine.  The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two.  There are new times - only now we are three.  I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. 

    I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long.  I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.  And I begin to relize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you. 

    I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.  And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.  Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently. 

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.  There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

    I love you - both.  And I thank you both for blessing my life.  - Author unknown

    That is beautiful, and sums up how I am feeling. I am excited for the new addition, DS1 seems excited too. He talks about where the baby is going to sleep, and how LO will like the swing and all this. He talks to my belly and tells LO he needs to come out soon. But I am starting to feel like my perfect plan will not work out. DS has been in daycare for a portion of his life, when I went on leave from work in August, I took him out and he has been home with me everyday since. Now I feel bad because he got used to just me and him, and that is going to change. I tried to make a plan so that he will have just mommy and him time everyday still. My Plan:

    When LO goes down for naps durring the day, 1 nap will be just me and DS time to play. Another Nap will be for me to clean up some. And another for all of us to take a nap. DS will be allowed to help with bathing, and picking out LO's outfits, along with 1 feeding a day after a few weeks.

    DH said that we can always do a bi weekly thing, if not weekly where we leave LO with one of his uncles for a couple hours and take DS1 out to have just mommy, daddy and him time. Or where we switch off and do something with DS1 while the other stays home with LO. We plan on having a lot of total family time, where all 4 of us do things together, but we want him to still have his alone time with us every now and then.

    I am just worried that he will not like having to share us with a sibling. But in all honesty, he does great sharing me with my neices and all that.

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  • image jas9210:

    I know exactly how you feel. Im sooo extremely excited for our second and so excited to give DS a sibling and to watch them grow together and we plan on having more too. But some days I feel so sad its not just going to be DS and just be us three. And I feel guilty he won't be getting my full attention. Im a SAHM too so it may be extra hard for him to share me. Just today I got the snugabunny bouncer for the new baby and as I was putting it together I was just about crying. DS was crawling around "helping" me and I felt so bad to be getting stuff ready for his new sister. 

    I found this on the 2u2 board from a post like this one. I bawl every time I read it:

    LOVING TWO

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.  Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.  And I wonder:  how can I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then he is born and I watch you.  I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me."  And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

    You cry.  I cry with you.  I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.  A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.  I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass and we are settling into a new routine.  The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two.  There are new times - only now we are three.  I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. 

    I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long.  I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.  And I begin to relize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you. 

    I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.  And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.  Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently. 

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.  There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

    I love you - both.  And I thank you both for blessing my life.  - Author unknown

     

    Well... I didn't really feel that way too badly...not to the point of stressing over it anyways....until I read that. Now I'm bawling. Thanks Confused

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