3rd Trimester

#2 and terrified

Hello mamas! I am 35 weeks with my second. I am very excited but also have a very high maintenance 2 year old which is causing me a lot of anxiety. My husband is very supportive but works ridiculous hours and I'm starting to wonder if I can handle 2 kids pretty much on my own..I had a very hard time with my first as a newborn and am starting to freak out a little...what if this baby doesn't ever sleep and then I'm up running after my toddler all day how am I going to cope with no help? Anyone else feeling this way or able to offer some words of wisdom?

Re: #2 and terrified

  • I will follow this post because I'm 7 weeks behind you but otherwise in the same boat.  DD#1 is an amazing little girl but she is what all the books describe as "spirited."  We're dithering over a stroller now because I think I need something with a freakin' rollercoaster harness to strap her in so she doesn't scamper off.

    Right now my best hope is that she *loves* babies.  So I am hoping to gain an excited little helper who will channel at least some of that energy into doing things to help mommy with baby sister.  Or not, we'll see.

     

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  • In not a SAHM, but I am scared jumping to two kids. DD is 3.5, so she's a little more independent but she's sensing some changes and really wants mommy all the time. I'm a complete control freak and struggles to accept any help when she was born, even from DD. I'm concerned that I will be the same with this LO, and then try to do it all with DD still and just burn out. DH is able to help, I just don't ask... So, I'm not in your exact situation, but I'm still scared to jump from one to two kids... Good luck, I'm sure everything will be a smooth transition for you.
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  • I did find the transition from 1 to 2 very difficult.  Mine are 15 months apart so that presented challenges in itself.  

    The best advice I can give is to see if DH can take a couple weeks off of work or take any family help that comes up.  That way they can take care of your 2 year old so you can get as much sleep as possible and time with baby before you have to go it alone.

    I would also if you don't already make some SAHM friends. They were invaluable for me.  They would help with my toddler while I tried to nurse or do anything while we went on playdates etc..

    I used the stroller a lot for my toddler to confine them as it was hard to chase after them with a newborn.  I nursed in the car a lot, so my toddler was in their carseat confined.  Find fenced in playgrounds for the spring and take advantage of indoor enclosed play areas.  DS1 was a runner so I needed the extra protection.  Get a bjorn, ergo, or moby wrap whatever and wear the new baby as much as possible.  This way I could put DS1 in a shopping cart and wear the baby.

    At home I did let DS1 watch a little more tv than I would have liked at first, just to get adjusted.  You can also make a nursing/feeding box with special toys you only let them play with while you are feeding the baby.  

    Let them help as much as possible so they don't feel excluded.  I did get use to nursing with DS1 on my lap, lol.  

    You are going to need DH's help and I know you said he works a crazy schedule, but try to get as much help from him when he is there.  Also, I would travel to visit family a lot at first.  Like a week at my mom's here and there.  They live out of state and that way, DS1 was showered with attention and I didn't have to worry about housekeeping or cooking.

    When the baby gets old enough to leave with someone, take your toddler on some mommy/big kid dates.  

    Hopefully you get a great sleeper and it won't be too bad.  Just keep a sense of humor about it all, it gets so much easier as the baby gets older!! 



    Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d 

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  • I expect it to be tough but plan to just roll with it- what else can you do.  DS will go to his sitter's a few days a week so he can stick to some of his routine, have some time away from the baby to play with kids his age, and allow me to have some time with just the baby.  I'm thinking that will help keep me sain ;)
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  • You just do it. I know it sound simplistic, but you just find a way to get through it. I have three all a little under two years apart. My husband is now a resident but was in medschool when we had all three. There were times where I just thought what the hell am I doing, but I figured it out. I figured out ways to take all three to the store and have room in the cart for food, and not have a screaming horrible trip. I found ways to sneak in a nap by adapting an ability to fall asleep right next to the them playing and be able to rouse when needed (not sure how that works the body adapts I guess). I learned how to nurse sleeping and wake to put the baby back in a bassinet. I got to the point where I take all three of them out to dinner alone, and now that they are older it seems like no big deal, but when I was pregnant with my third it seemed like a huge task. There will be times you are frustrated, but it will work out. I have a memory of driving around the neighborhood with my second as a newborn just bawling because I knew I had to wake up in a few hours with my first, and I was just so tired. Eventually at some point in the morning babysitter "Blue" came one and I crashed for a half an hour, you do what you do to survive. Then you look back and think it wasn't that bad because time has the blissful effect of making you forget :)
    Mom to 4 cute kids, 10 y/o girl, 8, 6, and 1.5 y/o boys
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  • I look to my mom for advice a lot. She had 1 baby that died from complications several hours after birth (but was full term--- very strange circumstances) As she was recovering from that, she got pregnant again and had my older brother. Within two weeks of my older brother's second birthday, I was born. Within three weeks of my 2nd birthday and my older brother's 4th birthday, my younger brother was born. We are all almost exactly 2 years apart.

    She tells me that you adapt and you cope as you go along. Some toddlers are more difficult than others, but you learn to (attempt) to establish a routine and you get through it because you have to; there isn't another option. She tells me that some days you have bad days, and other days you have good days but you have to just roll with it.

    I take her advice and run with it. If your baby is here and you truly feel like you can't cope, then you need to reach out to close family/friends for help while your H works his crazy hours. 

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  • image jinnymb:

    I did find the transition from 1 to 2 very difficult.  Mine are 15 months apart so that presented challenges in itself.  

    The best advice I can give is to see if DH can take a couple weeks off of work or take any family help that comes up.  That way they can take care of your 2 year old so you can get as much sleep as possible and time with baby before you have to go it alone.

    I would also if you don't already make some SAHM friends. They were invaluable for me.  They would help with my toddler while I tried to nurse or do anything while we went on playdates etc..

    I used the stroller a lot for my toddler to confine them as it was hard to chase after them with a newborn.  I nursed in the car a lot, so my toddler was in their carseat confined.  Find fenced in playgrounds for the spring and take advantage of indoor enclosed play areas.  DS1 was a runner so I needed the extra protection.  Get a bjorn, ergo, or moby wrap whatever and wear the new baby as much as possible.  This way I could put DS1 in a shopping cart and wear the baby.

    At home I did let DS1 watch a little more tv than I would have liked at first, just to get adjusted.  You can also make a nursing/feeding box with special toys you only let them play with while you are feeding the baby.  

    Let them help as much as possible so they don't feel excluded.  I did get use to nursing with DS1 on my lap, lol.  

    You are going to need DH's help and I know you said he works a crazy schedule, but try to get as much help from him when he is there.  Also, I would travel to visit family a lot at first.  Like a week at my mom's here and there.  They live out of state and that way, DS1 was showered with attention and I didn't have to worry about housekeeping or cooking.

    When the baby gets old enough to leave with someone, take your toddler on some mommy/big kid dates.  

    Hopefully you get a great sleeper and it won't be too bad.  Just keep a sense of humor about it all, it gets so much easier as the baby gets older!! 

    All this, almost exactly. 1-2 was tough at first, but you figure it out and get in a groove, then things are amazing. Anything after 2 I've been told isn't so dramatic... and so far that is holding true in our house, it's like she's been here all along.

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  • Going from one to two for me was a breeze- that being said my first two are also 6 years apart (sry no the same thing i guess) but now my kids are 7and 20 months and the younger of the 2 is a major mommas boy....he might as well be attached to my hip...so im a lil nervous this time around-about how hes gonna handle it and everything?! DH works from home so hes here and helps a lot and my familys mostly within a 10-15 min drive so im not so worried about having help- just how my lil man is gonna react to becoming a big brother...
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