3rd Trimester
#2 and terrified
Hello mamas! I am 35 weeks with my second. I am very excited but also have a very high maintenance 2 year old which is causing me a lot of anxiety. My husband is very supportive but works ridiculous hours and I'm starting to wonder if I can handle 2 kids pretty much on my own..I had a very hard time with my first as a newborn and am starting to freak out a little...what if this baby doesn't ever sleep and then I'm up running after my toddler all day how am I going to cope with no help? Anyone else feeling this way or able to offer some words of wisdom?
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Re: #2 and terrified
I will follow this post because I'm 7 weeks behind you but otherwise in the same boat. DD#1 is an amazing little girl but she is what all the books describe as "spirited." We're dithering over a stroller now because I think I need something with a freakin' rollercoaster harness to strap her in so she doesn't scamper off.
Right now my best hope is that she *loves* babies. So I am hoping to gain an excited little helper who will channel at least some of that energy into doing things to help mommy with baby sister. Or not, we'll see.
I did find the transition from 1 to 2 very difficult. Mine are 15 months apart so that presented challenges in itself.
The best advice I can give is to see if DH can take a couple weeks off of work or take any family help that comes up. That way they can take care of your 2 year old so you can get as much sleep as possible and time with baby before you have to go it alone.
I would also if you don't already make some SAHM friends. They were invaluable for me. They would help with my toddler while I tried to nurse or do anything while we went on playdates etc..
I used the stroller a lot for my toddler to confine them as it was hard to chase after them with a newborn. I nursed in the car a lot, so my toddler was in their carseat confined. Find fenced in playgrounds for the spring and take advantage of indoor enclosed play areas. DS1 was a runner so I needed the extra protection. Get a bjorn, ergo, or moby wrap whatever and wear the new baby as much as possible. This way I could put DS1 in a shopping cart and wear the baby.
At home I did let DS1 watch a little more tv than I would have liked at first, just to get adjusted. You can also make a nursing/feeding box with special toys you only let them play with while you are feeding the baby.
Let them help as much as possible so they don't feel excluded. I did get use to nursing with DS1 on my lap, lol.
You are going to need DH's help and I know you said he works a crazy schedule, but try to get as much help from him when he is there. Also, I would travel to visit family a lot at first. Like a week at my mom's here and there. They live out of state and that way, DS1 was showered with attention and I didn't have to worry about housekeeping or cooking.
When the baby gets old enough to leave with someone, take your toddler on some mommy/big kid dates.
Hopefully you get a great sleeper and it won't be too bad. Just keep a sense of humor about it all, it gets so much easier as the baby gets older!!
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
I look to my mom for advice a lot. She had 1 baby that died from complications several hours after birth (but was full term--- very strange circumstances) As she was recovering from that, she got pregnant again and had my older brother. Within two weeks of my older brother's second birthday, I was born. Within three weeks of my 2nd birthday and my older brother's 4th birthday, my younger brother was born. We are all almost exactly 2 years apart.
She tells me that you adapt and you cope as you go along. Some toddlers are more difficult than others, but you learn to (attempt) to establish a routine and you get through it because you have to; there isn't another option. She tells me that some days you have bad days, and other days you have good days but you have to just roll with it.
I take her advice and run with it. If your baby is here and you truly feel like you can't cope, then you need to reach out to close family/friends for help while your H works his crazy hours.
All this, almost exactly. 1-2 was tough at first, but you figure it out and get in a groove, then things are amazing. Anything after 2 I've been told isn't so dramatic... and so far that is holding true in our house, it's like she's been here all along.