December 2012 Moms

DH doesn't do it like I would...

But I will just sit here and watch, rather than push my way in there and take over, the ssslllooowww diaper change while LO screams, the ADD bottle preparation, or the propping in a swing or bouncy seat while watching tv or on computer, rather than holding in his arms.
Because he won't get any faster or better at these things if I'm always doing I go back to work in a month, sob, and h will be watching him 3 days a week.

Anyone else feeling a bit controlling and fighting the instinct?

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Re: DH doesn't do it like I would...

  • I had this problem with DS however I did not sit back and watch... I micro-managed everything and now DH is an amazing dad!
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    BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09

    BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11

    BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12

    BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12

  • It's a painful process for us moms ;)  I think they need to learn to do it themselves.  They get all resentful if you start telling them how to do everything.  I still hold my tongue when involving my 2 year old.  Unless it's safety related, let them figure it out. 

    Or you could just drop hints.  This might work better this way ...


  • I am normally a super controlling person and I was super worried that I wasnt going to let my husband do anything. But my SIL told me that if I want help then I need to let go. I have been surprisingly laid back and havent even thought about the way he does anything. It is really nice to relax. I do however stress about anyone else doing anything for her.
  • I'm trying to pick my battles...there are so many to choose from right now. I know he will work out his own methods...LO is the first person he ever changed a diaper for...the first time, he actually put on rubber gloves!! He learned quickly that they weren't necessary, and just made it harder.
    He won't listen to anything I say, but frequently concedes after the fact that, yes, I was right. It's painful.
    I really hope this lil guy does not take after his daddy in that regard!! I say to him all the time, "don't fight your mama!"

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  • I have the same problem. DH seems to get really frustrated quickly with her. I can't say I am super surprised bc he has always been pretty impatient. He will often give up or just let her cry away while he watches tv or plays on his iPad. We end up fighting about it most nights. I am just waiting until she is a bit older and he can play with her more. I think that will help bc he is better at that stuff than I am. I think he really thought the baby would come out all happy and playful and he seems disappointed that he can't really play with her yet bc she is very colicky and we don't have much time where she wants to be entertained. I am either feeding, changing a diaper, trying to get her to stop crying or watching her sleep. Hope it gets better soon for both of us. I feel like it all falls on me since I am the patient one and home with her all day...ugh.

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  • I let my dh figure out his own style of doing things, and he's an amazing hands on dad because of it. People learn best buy doing, so leave the room or look away, but give your DH a chance to find his own way.
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  • I have to be REALLY careful about letting DH do his own thing and NOT stepping in unless he's doing something really wrong or asks for my help...his parents were really bad about letting him try something once, and if he didn't do it the way they wanted, they took it away and did it for now he's really sensitive about that. DH had never been around babies or little kids until I got pregnant and had him start helping us in the nursery at church, but he's a great Dad and he's perfectly capable of taking care of our little girl (even if he doesn't do things the way I would do them)


    BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
    BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
    BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14

  • Try to stay out of your husband's way and let him figure it out on his own. The only exception is if he's doing something neglectful or unsafe. Good luck! 
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