Attachment Parenting

Feeling like a really bad mom - not AP related

Hi Ladies,

This has nothing to do with AP but I'm posting here because I really like this board and I just need to talk.  I had DD's ears pierced 4 months ago by a pedi in town (She's 10 months old now)  I know many people don't like it but in my culture everyone pierces their baby girl's ears.  Anyway, despite me cleaning them everyday and following the pedi's instructions, the right earlobe has been infected 3 times already.  I felt terrible and was thinking I should have never had them pierced in the first place.  The first 2 times we were able to treat it with antibiotic ointment and it got better.  Then the 3rd time it got red and puffy, so I again put antibiotic ointment at night before bed.  The next morning it was still red and puffy and there was actually dried up blood all over the earring post and back of the earring.  Poor baby.  So at that point I decided to just take the earring out and see if that would help it heal.  It's been 5 days and it looks better but I'm bringing her to the pedi tomorrow morning so that he can take a look and make sure it's healing ok.

I just feel so terrible that I put her through this just because I wanted her to have earrings so she can look pretty.  And now she has these little holes in her ears and everytime I look at them I feel bad.  I just hope they heal well so that we can get them redone when she's older and actually wants to wear earrings.  My DH says I'm making a big deal and not to worry but I just can't help feeling so bad.

Thanks for listening.

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Re: Feeling like a really bad mom - not AP related

  • You did the best you could with the information you had. It's good parenting to admit when something isn't going well and quit - you took the earrings out and you'll likely wait longer if you have another girl.

    No parent is perfect. Live and learn.

  • image tokenhoser:

    You did the best you could with the information you had. It's good parenting to admit when something isn't going well and quit - you took the earrings out and you'll likely wait longer if you have another girl.

    No parent is perfect. Live and learn.

    Thanks.  Yeah, this parenting stuff is really hard.  Yes, even the first time it got infected and we were able to treat it I had already decided  "If we ever have another girl I am not piercing her ears until she asks for them."  I just really wish the stupid holes would go ahead and heal already so I don't have to be constantly reminded of what I did and keep feeling bad.

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  • It could happen at any age. I begged to have mine pierced at 8 years old and they became infected and very painful, so I had to have them out. I didn't get them pierced again until I was 21 or 22.
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  • Is it possible she's having a metal allergy rather than infections? Allergy can still cause redness and drainage.
  • image bloverde:
    Is it possible she's having a metal allergy rather than infections? Allergy can still cause redness and drainage.

    This. Pretty much everyone in my family is allergic to nickel, which is what mot earrings seem to be made of. I personally can't wear them very long without my ears itching like crazy. My aunt wears a lot of jewelry and she only wears gold because it's the one thing that doesn't trigger a reaction. 

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  • I was thinking allergy too. Hope you're both feeling better soon! 
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  • image bloverde:
    Is it possible she's having a metal allergy rather than infections? Allergy can still cause redness and drainage.

    I have a nickel allergy and the exact same thing happend to my mom when she had mine done as a baby. Try real gold or nickel free & it may help.

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  • image genmccarley:

    image bloverde:
    Is it possible she's having a metal allergy rather than infections? Allergy can still cause redness and drainage.

    I have a nickel allergy and the exact same thing happend to my mom when she had mine done as a baby. Try real gold or nickel free & it may help.

    Thanks Ladies for all of your replies! After taking the earring out to see if that would help, I see that it is now starting to close. Her ears were originally pierced with stainless steel earrings because that's the kind they had at the pedi's where they pierced them. She does have 14k gold earrings that her great grandma bought her but I can't get the earring in there. I don't want to force it and risk hurting her if the hole really is starting to close. I took the other earring out also even though we've never had a problem with that ear and I'm just going to get them repierced when she's older and asks to have it done. I feel bad going through the whole piercing thing again now while she's a baby. If it's really an allergy, how come the other ear was always fine? If it was an allergy to the metal wouldn't both ears be having issues?
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  • i am a pediatric NP and no pedi should ever use steel... it is shown that only 14K gold is approved for infants. This is not your fault. It was just reaction to the steel. Try again later and stick with gold. It also tells you that perhaps you will need to watch for sensitive skin where belts and buttons from pants touch as well as bracelets and necklaces. Stop beating yourself up- I apologize on behalf of that stupid doc. ;(
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