February 2013 Moms

Showers do not equal registry gifts

I want to preface this by saying I am extremely grateful for all the love, support and gifts my LO has received. I love my family and coworkers and the showers they put on for us.

However, I cannot help but be disappointed that we are not getting much from our registry. I know that it's really hard to pass up cute pink outfits, but at my work shower, out of the 20 something gifts, only 2 things were from my registry and there were probably 5-6 things total that were not clothes. There was literally 1 outfit that wasn't pink. My poor DH!

Our registry has a good variety of low priced items (under $20), and there is a huge Babies R Us very close to the school where I work.

I feel guilty for seeming so ungrateful, but I'm going to take back as much as I can (only a few gift receipts) so we can afford to buy the things we need.

 If/when we get another pink newborn outfit, I might throw up.  

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
«13

Re: Showers do not equal registry gifts

  • I felt a little bit the same way after my showers too (my Mom threw me one, my MIL threw the other).  And I definitely felt guilty about it as well.  I was very grateful for all the amazing things we got, but I was a little concerned too.  You're not alone on this.  I even said something to my mom about it (we are really close).  I was feeling stressed a bit that we got a lot of "fluff" (random outfits, toys we don't need, trinkets that I will stick in a box somewhere and never look at again), but nothing we actually really NEEDED.  However, with completion coupons, some gift cards and a couple returns, we were able to get all the things that were necessary. 

    I don't think you are wrong in feeling this way... we are all closing in on the end and we just want to make sure we're prepared.  And it would've made life a bit easier if the things we got at our showers were what we registered for (after all, that's why we made registries). 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers image image
  • The same thing happened to us at one of our showers. Thankfully, most of the pink clothes were from Carters and most of the random stuff is sold by BRU (even if that's not where it came from). As long as things still have the tags, you can return them to Carters without a receipt. Likewise, if you add something you got to your BRU registry, you can return it no problem. We ended up returning a LOT and got a few hundred $ to BRU and $150 or so to Carters.

    image
  • Honestly, this is one of the reasons we didn't find out the sex of the baby- because I knew all we'd get is gender specific clothes/toys/blankets and hardly anything we needed off our registry. Even not knowing, we still got a lot of gender neutral clothes and blankets, when there were still things we needed on the registry that were reasonably priced. I don't really understand why people do that either. Maybe they like being creative and coming up with their own gift? I personally am not very creative so I always use registries when available, but I guess not everyone is like that. I totally get your frustration though! 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

    image


    image
    View Full Size Image     View Full Size Image   

  • I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???
    image
    image

    Married 9/26/09 BFP #1 12/09 Blighted Ovum 12/23/09 D&C 1/10 BFP#2 5/1/10 DS born 12/18/10 38wks 10 lbs 1 oz BFP #3 6/25/12 EDD 3/5/13 RCS DS2 born 2-22-13 38wks 8 lbs 4 oz

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • The exact same thing happened to me for my work shower... out of 20 people, one person chose to shop off my BBB registry.  Almost everything I got were clothes from Target (where I did not register), all different kinds of baby shampoo, and odd things that no one really needs.  It made me appreciate the person who shopped my registry a lot more!  

    image
  • We are TG and still didn't get a lot of useful things or the things I registered for. I ended up returning a lot. That said I really didn't expect to get much from my shower and knew if we wanted/needed something we would have to buy it. 
    TTC #1 since 11/10 | Diagnosed with PCOS 11/28/11 | Lap 1/20/12: stage 2 endo & cyst removal
    Clomid- No response
    Metformin 1500 mg Femara 5mg + Trigger + TI Round 2 = BFP!
    Beta 13DPO: 115, Beta 16dpo: 561 BFP Chart
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/kaDcm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>


  • image onlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

    image


    image
    View Full Size Image     View Full Size Image   

  • image kleigh926:

    Honestly, this is one of the reasons we didn't find out the sex of the baby- because I knew all we'd get is gender specific clothes/toys/blankets and hardly anything we needed off our registry. Even not knowing, we still got a lot of gender neutral clothes and blankets, when there were still things we needed on the registry that were reasonably priced. I don't really understand why people do that either. Maybe they like being creative and coming up with their own gift? I personally am not very creative so I always use registries when available, but I guess not everyone is like that. I totally get your frustration though! 

     This exactly! 


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We had the same thing. We returned enough to BRU though to get a credit to use towards things we actually needed which was good. I just hope the people that gave us the things we returned don't ask where those items are. LOL! 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little off-putting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm.  Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift - you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions.  Anyway, just my 2 cents. 

    I may be a big ol B sometimes… but...
    image
  • Alright, I am not trying to upset anyone. But baby showers are supposed to celebrate your new baby. Gifts are just a plus side. Not everyone looks at the registries, not everyone wants to follow them. When it came to my babyshower, for DS1, I did not make a registry, When people asked what I wanted for him, I mentioned that I had to find some big things still but I needed some small things, and gift cards would be great. If they asked what the big things were, than I told them what I needed. I never expected people to get all the things I needed. I am the parent, I need to supply for my child. Gifts are nice, but come on, other peolpe are buying things for you, they are not going to know what you are not going to want unless you tell them.  We had planned that if I was going to have a girl, the invitaion would flat out say "please limit pink items to one, Purple would be wonderful!! :)" I am not a pink person, lol. but again, people wouldn't be able to know what I wanted or didn't want, unless I am telling them. This time, there is no babyshower, just me and SO getting things for this LO. Some close people, like my brothers, and SO co worker, got us a few things, just some clothing, hand-me-downs and and body wash.

    My point, and I really am trying to make this sound as nice as i am saying it in my head, is that registries are more to make the parents organized. Yes some people may try and get you things off from it, but remember, that you are the parents, and you will be supporting and supplying for your LO. So people not getting you things that you want/ need is just trying to help you get prepared for having to buy the things yourself. Hehe Big Smile

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker IAmPregnant Ticker
  • image kleigh926:

    image onlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    You can always donate extra stuff like blankets (clothes too, etc.) to Newborns in Need or a local family family homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter then they don't go to waste.   

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


  • image PeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little off-putting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm.  Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift - you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions.  Anyway, just my 2 cents. 

     

    Oh I for sure didn't expect that, and I didn't feel like going into it people would/should only use my registry. I loved my showers and the celebration of my sweet LO was the main joy! I was just surprised I guess? 

    I do have to ask, what do you plan on doing with your extra newborn outfits that LO might be too big to wear or grow out of too fast? Is it better to keep it than to return it for something you need?  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.
    image">







    image"">
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
  • image osirismama:

    Alright, I am not trying to upset anyone. But baby showers are supposed to celebrate your new baby. Gifts are just a plus side. Not everyone looks at the registries, not everyone wants to follow them. When it came to my babyshower, for DS1, I did not make a registry, When people asked what I wanted for him, I mentioned that I had to find some big things still but I needed some small things, and gift cards would be great. If they asked what the big things were, than I told them what I needed. I never expected people to get all the things I needed. I am the parent, I need to supply for my child. Gifts are nice, but come on, other peolpe are buying things for you, they are not going to know what you are not going to want unless you tell them.  We had planned that if I was going to have a girl, the invitaion would flat out say "please limit pink items to one, Purple would be wonderful!! :)" I am not a pink person, lol. but again, people wouldn't be able to know what I wanted or didn't want, unless I am telling them. This time, there is no babyshower, just me and SO getting things for this LO. Some close people, like my brothers, and SO co worker, got us a few things, just some clothing, hand-me-downs and and body wash.

    My point, and I really am trying to make this sound as nice as i am saying it in my head, is that registries are more to make the parents organized. Yes some people may try and get you things off from it, but remember, that you are the parents, and you will be supporting and supplying for your LO. So people not getting you things that you want/ need is just trying to help you get prepared for having to buy the things yourself. Hehe Big Smile

     

    Good point, well said! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I honestly don't think people should rely on registries to provide all the gear for a baby. IMO, you should be prepared to buy your own baby essentials and if you get some gear well that is a bonus.I don't think you sound ungrateful I just think your expectations may have been off a bit.
    Jen
    Mom to Ava 12.21.04 and Austin 10.22.06
    BFP 12/5/11...natural m/c 12/23/11 Pregnancy Ticker
  • image PeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little offputting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm. nbsp;Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions. nbsp;Anyway, just my 2 cents.nbsp;

    I agree with you, except that I believe OP has a right to return items she won't or can't use in exchange for needed items.

    OP, you sound terribly ungrateful and entitled. It's really disheartening.

    Surprise!  BFP 12/1/13...EDD 7/29/14
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    M/C 6/17/07
    M/C 10/31/11
  • I can see the argument from both sides (having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts). Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude.

    Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like.

    When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.  

  • image ally2011:
    image kleigh926:

    image onlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    You can always donate extra stuff like blankets (clothes too, etc.) to Newborns in Need or a local family family homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter then they don't go to waste.   

    I wouldn't let them go to waste. Whatever clothes or blankets I don't use for this LO, I am planning to save for the next one. And if I never use them, of course I would donate them. 

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting gifts to come from the registry or returning items that weren't on it and won't be used. Registries are there for a reason- those are the things that the parents need. Just buying cute clothes instead of necessities doesn't make much sense to me.

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

    image


    image
    View Full Size Image     View Full Size Image   

  • image CeCe627:
    I can see the argument from both sides having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts. Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude. Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like. When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.nbsp;nbsp;

    ?? That's amazing that you would call someone spending money on you a selfish giver. Is this real lyfe?!?!

    Surprise!  BFP 12/1/13...EDD 7/29/14
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    M/C 6/17/07
    M/C 10/31/11
  • Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with the last few posters. I think you expected too much out of your shower. Of course it's nice when people stick to the registry, and that's the smartest thing to do as a gift-giver to make sure you're getting something you need/don't already have/etc. But that's just not reality for everyone, and it's really better not to depend on others to buy the things you need for your baby. Your guests are just there to support and celebrate with you, and they took time out of their life to do that for you. So if that means they wanted to buy you a pink outfit or one of fourteen blankets, well, it's their money, and most people want to buy something that's fun to pick out and goo and gah over.

    FWIW, if your baby is anything like my first, she went through multiple outfits a day so her excess of clothing came in handy. I also bought her some clothes on my own, so I got to pick the color and style I liked. Now, I'm stuck with all pink and only dresses because that's what SHE likes, lol. Also, blankets are really handy to have around, too. We used them for burp cloths, rolled up to help support her, and extras in the diaper bag to put it on the floor or wherever we might need it.

    image
    My silly Lily is almost 4. BabyFruit Ticker
  • image meggipi5:

    image PeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little off-putting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm.  Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift - you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions.  Anyway, just my 2 cents. 

     

    Oh I for sure didn't expect that, and I didn't feel like going into it people would/should only use my registry. I loved my showers and the celebration of my sweet LO was the main joy! I was just surprised I guess? 

    I do have to ask, what do you plan on doing with your extra newborn outfits that LO might be too big to wear or grow out of too fast? Is it better to keep it than to return it for something you need?  

     

    Honestly, I'm not worrying about it until that happens. I only have a couple of footie pj things right now, all in 0-3 mos. I'm honestly not even sure I have any NB at the moment. My shower is next weekend,so I'll cross that bridge when/if we get to it.   once baby comes, we'll know how big he/she is, and DH can hit up Target or Carter's while I'm in the hospital and buy some more clothes if we need them. 

     If I do wind up with a couple NB things that don't fit, I'd probably just save for future kids, regift to family (telling them it's a regift). Maybe exchange for bigger size. I'm not saying you can't return ANYTHING if it's a sizing issue, but some people make it sound like they are returning upwards of half of all their gifts. In my mind, that's just a little selfish and rude.   I just remember going through this with my SIL at her bridal shower.  She got a gorgeous homemade quilt, and then complained that she didn't need a quilt and how annoying someone gave her something she couldn't return. It really makes someone look ugly inside.m Anything I truly need, I budgeted in when we decided to start this lil life adventure. And from what everyone keeps telling me, a true adventure it will be! 


    I may be a big ol B sometimes… but...
    image
  • image JRomeH:
    image PeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little offputting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm. nbsp;Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions. nbsp;Anyway, just my 2 cents.nbsp;
    I agree with you, except that I believe OP has a right to return items she won't or can't use in exchange for needed items. OP, you sound terribly ungrateful and entitled. It's really disheartening.

    Really? I disagree that she sounds ungrateful and entitled. There's nothing wrong with being surprised that she didn't get much off her registry, considering that's the main point of registries- for guests to know what the parents want or need. I mean, why even have registries if most people aren't going to pay any attention to them anyway?

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

    image


    image
    View Full Size Image     View Full Size Image   

  • I'm not calling you ungrateful, but you shouldn't expect a shower to provide you with the essentials.  It's your job to get those.

    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • image JRomeH:
    image CeCe627:
    I can see the argument from both sides having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts. Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude. Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like. When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.nbsp;nbsp;
    ?? That's amazing that you would call someone spending money on you a selfish giver. Is this real lyfe?!?!

     

    Yes, it is real life. And, please know that I view a shower as a chance to celebrate the little life that is to come, it really is not about the gifts (and I was very grateful for everything I received at my shower). However, yes, I would call someone spending money on me a selfish giver if they fit the criteria. For example, if it is well known that I don't like to wear pink, and someone buys me a pink shirt, regardless of the cost, it is selfish. Giving is not about just buying someone something. It requires thinking about that person and what they want. Sometimes people give gifts for the sake of being able to say they got you a gift. That is selfish to me. 

  • image SunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker IAmPregnant Ticker
  • image osirismama:

    image SunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

    The invitation that was sent to my shower guests included where I was registered (and every invitation for a shower that I've ever received also included it). My registry had exactly what I wanted. That's not mind reading, that's using common sense. Problem solved. 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

    image


    image
    View Full Size Image     View Full Size Image   

  • image CeCe627:

    image JRomeH:
    image CeCe627:
    I can see the argument from both sides having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts. Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude. Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like. When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.nbsp;nbsp;
    ?? That's amazing that you would call someone spending money on you a selfish giver. Is this real lyfe?!?!

     

    Yes, it is real life. And, please know that I view a shower as a chance to celebrate the little life that is to come, it really is not about the gifts (and I was very grateful for everything I received at my shower). However, yes, I would call someone spending money on me a selfish giver if they fit the criteria. For example, if it is well known that I don't like to wear pink, and someone buys me a pink shirt, regardless of the cost, it is selfish. Giving is not about just buying someone something. It requires thinking about that person and what they want. Sometimes people give gifts for the sake of being able to say they got you a gift. That is selfish to me. 

    I completely agree that people can be selfish givers.  I've been guilty of this and kick myself in hindsight.  Why did I think my friend would want a newborn bathing suit in the middle of winter?  Because I thought it was cute and people would go "awww" at the shower?  I was being selfish and thoughtless.  When I go out of my way to buy (or make) a gift for someone, knowing that's what they want and need, I feel really happy.  

    I'm not saying the people who shopped off my registry at my shower were selfish givers, but as I was returning half of what I received to Target, I made a mental note that in the future, I will always try to shop off people's registries or buy something that I know they will find valuable and really appreciate. 

     

    image
  • image kleigh926:
    image osirismama:

    image SunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

    The invitation that was sent to my shower guests included where I was registered (and every invitation for a shower that I've ever received also included it). My registry had exactly what I wanted. That's not mind reading, that's using common sense. Problem solved. 

    Right, but registries are meant to be suggestions.  I think that's the point being made. Even on my registries, I have a note that says "These are simply suggestions. Our nursery theme /colors are X, but we will,love anything you think baby would like!".  

     Its the same for weddings. It's a suggestion. To think of them as exclusive buying lists is a bit rude.  


    I may be a big ol B sometimes… but...
    image
  • I feel like a registry is just one option for people...not everyone chooses to use it, and they have every right not to. I sometimes deter from it if I really know the couple and found something really neat.

    Even with the registry, we got a few duplicate items that were on there...so I'm not sure if it never updated or the registry didn't get scanned.

    Plus, some people may not be able to afford a lot and if they can get a handful of outfits on sale for as much $ as a blanket you want, they make go with the outfits so it looks like they bought more. 

«13
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards