Postpartum Depression

dead inside...

my DD was born almost 1 month ago.  and since her birth, i've been feeling nothing.  i had a very rough delivery ending in an emergency c-section.  while i was in the hospital, all the drugs and hormones flooded my mind and i figured my not connecting with DD was from that.  now, i'm off the drugs, and nothing has changed.  i have spent many days crying b/c i feel like ive let her down, and let everyone down.  and, on top of all this, i developed an infection from the c-section.  during this time, my milk production decreased greatly making me feel more like a failure to her.    i tried to talk to my husband about it, but he only took it as i'm depressed and i want to harm my daughter, which isnt the case at all.  i'm afraid of taking any antidepressants b/c i dont really want to be reliant of them to be happy.  i'm hoping maybe talking it out with other people who are going thru this will be helpful. 
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Re: dead inside...

  • I'm so sorry. I can't compare my experience to yours, and I don't believe any two people can because everyone interprets things differently. I also had a csection, developed post partum pre eclampsia, high blood pressure, a leaking incision for 5 weeks and a big allergic reaction to the gauze tape that lasted months and looked like. Severe burn all across my stomach. I so very wanted a vaginal delivery and to have that bonding of when she first came out. I'm 9 mos pp and I still think about it. Everyone's AlwAys like but look what you have. Ya thanks. I see that. It's so easy to judge.

    I also had bf issues but persevered. I guess what I'm trying to say is you definitely aren't alone. I posted something earlier you should read. Husbands don't get it. And it's frustrating. Maybe talk to your ob, you can't be a lost cause and medication can't always be a solution. Maybe talking to a therapist, work on how you can bond......it will happen. Just for you it may take a little work and that is normal. Don't feel defeated and don't feel alone. Good luck.
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  • I am 3 months pp and I dont feel very much fowards Lo. I cant bf because of rhe bipolar meds and duee to severe vomiting right after csection I didnt get to hold my DD for three days. Ro make matters worse she cries non stop about everything, screams bloody murder when she is in the car seat and is just an unhappy child. She is so hard to be around and I love that I get to eacape to work everyday. I am accountanf and I am so lookinv forwars to the long hours tax season will bring. It means I dont have to be home. I feel aweful that in feel this way. LO was not planned and I catch myself sometimes wishing I had never gotten pregnant. DH is of little support so the only comfort I find is resorting to my anorexic behaviors and working long hours. Yes I am seeking treatment and making sure I never get pregnant again ever. I do love my LO but not the way I imagined I would.
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  • PLEASE don't be afraid to take antidepressants. I started taking a couple after I had severe postpartum depression a couple months ago and I feel that they saved my life. I am bonding with my daughter now and feel a lot better. And you don't have to take them forever...you don't have to think of it as depending on them. Sometimes you just need a little help, like taking advil for a headache. Good luck and I am sorry you are going through this :(
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  • Please, please, please... I pray that you look into getting help. If you truely feel like you cant give that bay all the love she deserves please look into adoption.. You sound so unbelievably unhappy. You also sound like you have massive amounts of personal problem that should have been worked out before you had a little angel. Tons of people go through post pardum deppression but I truely believe your case is different.! If you need help with anything I am willing to help you as are a lot of other women on this site. You have come to the right place.
  • image Angelengaged:
    Please, please, please... I pray that you look into getting help. If you truely feel like you cant give that bay all the love she deserves please look into adoption.. You sound so unbelievably unhappy. You also sound like you have massive amounts of personal problem that should have been worked out before you had a little angel. Tons of people go through post pardum deppression but I truely believe your case is different.! If you need help with anything I am willing to help you as are a lot of other women on this site. You have come to the right place.

    Da fuq? Please ignore that comment, that is totally totally ignorant. Totally. 

    OP, I would suggest you go back to see your OB. He/she can suggest a plan for you and it doesn't have to include drugs. However, if you are open to it at all, antidepressents might be a great solution. I felt a lot of the same things you are, and through a combination of zoloft and counseling I am feeling 90% back to normal. I still have off days but things between my baby and I are much better. It can and WILL get better, promise. But you probably need help to get there and there is nothing wrong with that. PM me if you need to, I'd be glad to talk.

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  • I went through PPD after my first child.  I believe it was exacerbated by feelings of inadequacy (milk supply issues) and a miscarriage that occurred very shortly after my daughter's birth.  I fought going on meds for a long time (over a year).

    I finally gave in after I recognized the damage I was doing to my relationship with my husband.  I decided that my family deserved the best version of me, and I was certainly not giving it to them.

     It took a little time, but I started to feel like myself again.  My doctor put me on them for six months, at which point, I was weaned off of them.  I am so thankful that I did it.

    Please get the help you need.  You have nowhere to go but forward.   Good luck.  (hugs!)

     

     

    "Cool as Hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter."
  • image Angelengaged:
    Please, please, please... I pray that you look into getting help. If you truely feel like you cant give that bay all the love she deserves please look into adoption.. You sound so unbelievably unhappy. You also sound like you have massive amounts of personal problem that should have been worked out before you had a little angel. Tons of people go through post pardum deppression but I truely believe your case is different.! If you need help with anything I am willing to help you as are a lot of other women on this site. You have come to the right place.


    What the fuking hell is wrong with you? You don't tell a woman who is depressed to give up her daughter. Honestly that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. And she sounds unhappy? Well no ***, she very well may have PPD and that is not her fault at all, not something she can control. The fact that this woman is reaching out, the fact that he cares how she feels, that she wants a connection with her daughter means she does love her. And no one is perfect, we all have issues and thing we need to work though or on. Some of us will be working through issues for the rest of our lives, it doesn't mean we don't deserve to have a child to love. You're ignorant. Seriously ignorant and I hope the op ignores what you have said.

    OP talk to your doctor. Taking something is not a bad thing and you won't become dependent. I am planning in talking to my doctor as well soon. I hope that you are able to find happiness and that you find that bound with your daughter that you want and deserve.
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  • image chryssi.chatel:
    my DD was born almost 1 month ago.  and since her birth, i've been feeling nothing.  i had a very rough delivery ending in an emergency c-section.  while i was in the hospital, all the drugs and hormones flooded my mind and i figured my not connecting with DD was from that.  now, i'm off the drugs, and nothing has changed.  i have spent many days crying b/c i feel like ive let her down, and let everyone down.  and, on top of all this, i developed an infection from the c-section.  during this time, my milk production decreased greatly making me feel more like a failure to her.    i tried to talk to my husband about it, but he only took it as i'm depressed and i want to harm my daughter, which isnt the case at all.  i'm afraid of taking any antidepressants b/c i dont really want to be reliant of them to be happy.  i'm hoping maybe talking it out with other people who are going thru this will be helpful. 

    My point of view for this statement:  If I were anemic (i.e. my body wasn't producing enough iron on it's own) I would take a supplement to give myself what my body needs.  I am depressed.  My body doesn't produce enough serotonin.  My medication is a supplement so I can get the serotonin.  I think of it like a vitamin.  Like how I take prenatal vitamins so I can take care of my daughter--I take my Prozac so I can take care of my daughter.

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  • image Angelengaged:
    Please, please, please... I pray that you look into getting help. If you truely feel like you cant give that bay all the love she deserves please look into adoption.. You sound so unbelievably unhappy. You also sound like you have massive amounts of personal problem that should have been worked out before you had a little angel. Tons of people go through post pardum deppression but I truely believe your case is different.! If you need help with anything I am willing to help you as are a lot of other women on this site. You have come to the right place.

     

    DID YOU SEVERELY MISREAD HER POST???

    In what way does she sound like she has tons of personal problems???? That is reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy assuming a lot.

    There is NOTHING in her post that is a red alarm for you to "truely believe her case is different."

     

     If this is the junk people on this site are spewing these days, then no, she hasn't come to the right place. Wow.

     

     

    ANYWAY-

    Original poster- You are feeling the way a lot of women feel. A lot of us feel like we haven't met expectations after birth, whether it's for the baby, our husbands and significant others, or just ourselves. Talk to a doctor. Either your Ob/Gyn, or even your primary care if that is more comfortable for you. They can collaborate and try to steer you in the right direction.

    You are NOT alone. And there are people out there (and here) who understand you and will help you through this. 

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