March 2013 Moms

My step mother is our LO's....

I have been conflicted by this since the day I told my dad and step mom that I was pregnant.

 My step mother and I have a very unhealthy relationship. It has been civil for the last 7 years (since my first half sister was born). To put it short, my dad and step mom have been together for 9 years. My mom and dad have been divorced for only 7 years. And my step mom used to be my mom's best friend.

 My step mother was very excited when I told her the news and I appreciate it. However to me she has always been Kathy, I don't usual address her as my step mother but as my dad's wife. So the thought of my child calling her grandma makes me ill.

 How do I tell her this? Or am I being irrational?




Re: My step mother is our LO's....

  • I don't think you're being irrational. I have a step mom and my mom is a step mom as well. My dd calls my step mom Grandma Joyce, while my mom is called by her name by her step grandkids. I really think it's whatever your comfortable with, it is your baby after all. And I personally wouldn't bring it up unless she is pushing being called grandma, then I would just simply say ' No, you're going to be called ____
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  • Is there something else that your child might call her besides Grandma?  To my kids my mom is Maw Maw (southern thing), but my husbands step mother is GiGi.  She actually likes being called GiGi so it works out for us, but I don't think I would want them to call her Grandma when my husband does not even refer to her as his mom.

  • My mothers parents are divorced and both remarried. My step grandmother is Grandma Marcia. You will come up with something or wait till your child comes up with a name.
  • I have a similar situation.  We call her auntie Sue.  I didn't tell her, I just call her that.  She isn't a grandma regardless of my relationship with her.  You will find your way or make a special name for her. 
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  • I think your best bet is to figure out what you are going to call her (Gigi, Kathy, whatever) and then just start calling her that. I wouldn't make it into a discussion unless she brings it up.

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  • I really think its what your comfortable with dont feel pressured.. I was pressured with my step dad who I absolutely hate to have my son call him pop pop which I didn't even like and since I stopped talking to my mom a few years ago because of this man I was happy that he lost that title.. My husbands step dad who is a wonderful guy and and great grandfather to our children he is grandpa and he has always been because he deserved the title.

  • I have a step dad, I don't call him Dad just call him by his name but I think LO will call him grandpa. She will only have grandparents from my side since both of DH parents are no longer with us. It's whatever you are comfortable with. I agree you don't have to tell her anything as long as she's not pushing the issue. 
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  • I have the same issue.  I don't speak to my dad's wife unless I have too.   I only talk to her to keep my dad in my life.  It was very difficult when I got pregnant to fit her into the picture.  My husband keeps reminding me so my daughter has a grandpa then I have to include his wife.  I do not refer to her as my step mom.  But our LO will call me MiMi Kay.  I have to keep in mind my issues with her are not my child issues and the more grandparents she has the better.
  • My mother--who is too vain to allow herself to be called Grandma had her grandchildren call her "Cookie"

    Idk if that is even an option....but if you are not comfortable with any name that is used for 'Grandmother' you might consider allowing another Term to be used....something that still sounds a bit affectionate and warm.   This will allow you to stick to  your guns....but still be able to keep the peace in the family.

  • Pick a nickname for her and keep it moving. You don't want her called grandma and that's that, don't let anyone make you feel guilty
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  • I agree, it's very nice that she's excited for your family, but ultimately her role in it will be your choice. And also it will evolve as your family and baby grow. 

    My parents divorced when I was quite young and I inherited 2 step brothers when my dad remarried. Both Boys have families now of their own and one set calls my dad grandpa, while the other calls him Tim.  In respect to my own babe, she will call my stepmom, who I call by name, grandma. 

     It will all be what it will be and hopefully for the sake of your sanity all stresses and dramas can be left aside! I know families and their politics can be difficult sometimes! Good luck

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