TTC After a Loss

le sigh.

I have often felt ousted here on the bump...which is part of the reason I took the break but came back again after our most recent loss. I like the idea of the vent specific post; and I try to put vent in my post titles when it is a vent but what is this community supposed to be? I know a lot of people have been here a long time and even though I had my break it's still been 6 months since I came to this board but I still feel for the ladies that are in their angry faze; they need to be angry and sometimes I need to be angry.

It's just hard to never offend anybody ever or not annoy anybody ever. The social labyrinth is almost as complicated as TTC itself. 

I don't know what to say; this feels sort of like bullying. It just seems like if a post annoys you you shouldn't click on it...or if you don't want to hear about loss stuff then the normal TTC board is better...I don't know. I just think it's mean to discount parts of people's grieving process just because you are far beyond that particular part yourself. This is feeling very middle school; I might be done just as I began again. There's a lot of wonderful ladies and advice and support but the drama is just so distracting.

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ME (26) DH (32) Diagnosis- unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss
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BFP #2 10/12- CP 
BFP #3 1/13 - CP
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Re: le sigh.

  • I think the sentiment was more aimed toward posters who only post about how sad/mad it makes them that their mother's sister's son's best friend's cousin announced her pregnancy, ya know? There were several suggestions about either starting a daily thread or incorporating these vents into the daily throat punch thread.  

    "The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the world, we knew that life would never be the same."
    11.27.09*03.04.11*11.02.12*03.04.13*04.12.13*EDD 01.07.15

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  • From now on this will be me: 

    image 

    Seriously, we never said don't vent.  It just needs to be a more even mix.  We are all dealing with the same sh!t.  It's just a matter of how you deal with it.


    TTC since Oct.2010
    Me: 36 w/RSD, atypical PCOS w/IR, LPD and High Prolactin. Controlled HP post-loss.
    DH: 38 w/LowT and borderline morph
    18 cycles, 3 medicated w/RE to get to a BFP!
    EDD 9/7/12, Saw HB @7w3d,missed m/c 1/30 @8w3d, d&c 2/8
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  • image Igoo0304:
    I think the sentiment was more aimed toward posters who only post about how sad/mad it makes them that their mother's sister's son's best friend's cousin announced her pregnancy, ya know? There were several suggestions about either starting a daily thread or incorporating these vents into the daily throat punch thread. nbsp;

    This. I totally get what you're saying. But I don't think it was meant in a middle school drama way. I think people got wrongly offended [which I understand if you are new why you may], but it ended up being taken the wrong way.
    I agree this should be a place to vent. It was just about those who only ever vent all the time.
    I do understand what you are saying here. I just don't think it was meant to offend innocent venters who do no harm.


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    "As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."

    BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*

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  • So... now we're whining that people don't want to hear everyone whine about everything all the live long day.

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    No one said 'don't vent', but there's a real consensus that this place is getting insanely eeyoreish.  You know who that's good for?  No one. 

    I'm going to start complaining that they sell baby food at the grocery store.  And that kids live on my street.  And that b?tch Eve who had to go procreate with Adam.  Why did she get to have healthy babies?  NO FAIR.

  • image Roxycc55:
    image Igoo0304:
    I think the sentiment was more aimed toward posters who only post about how sad/mad it makes them that their mother's sister's son's best friend's cousin announced her pregnancy, ya know? There were several suggestions about either starting a daily thread or incorporating these vents into the daily throat punch thread. nbsp;
    This. I totally get what you're saying. But I don't think it was meant in a middle school drama way. I think people got wrongly offended [which I understand if you are new why you may], but it ended up being taken the wrong way. I agree this should be a place to vent. It was just about those who only ever vent all the time. I do understand what you are saying here. I just don't think it was meant to offend innocent venters who do no harm.

    Yes 


    TTC since August 2011
    BFP#1 3/16/12 EDD 11/21/12 Delivered 6/1/12 at 15 weeks 2 days
    "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together... Keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." ~ Winnie the Pooh

    BFP#2 4/14/13 EDD 12/24/13 Please be our rainbow after the storm!
    Beta#1 @ 15dpo 274, P4 16.9 Beta#2 @ 18dpo 940!! Doubling time of 40 hours!! u/s @ 6w2d showed a beautiful HB of 120! u/s @ 10w1d HB 174!! Grow, LO Grow!! Found out 7/22 we are TEAM BLUE!!
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  • image ebwhit:

    I have often felt ousted here on the bump...which is part of the reason I took the break but came back again after our most recent loss. I like the idea of the vent specific post; and I try to put vent in my post titles when it is a vent but what is this community supposed to be? I know a lot of people have been here a long time and even though I had my break it's still been 6 months since I came to this board but I still feel for the ladies that are in their angry faze; they need to be angry and sometimes I need to be angry.

    It's just hard to never offend anybody ever or not annoy anybody ever. The social labyrinth is almost as complicated as TTC itself. 

    I don't know what to say; this feels sort of like bullying. It just seems like if a post annoys you you shouldn't click on it...or if you don't want to hear about loss stuff then the normal TTC board is better...I don't know. I just think it's mean to discount parts of people's grieving process just because you are far beyond that particular part yourself. This is feeling very middle school; I might be done just as I began again. There's a lot of wonderful ladies and advice and support but the drama is just so distracting.

     Thank you.

  • If you can't handle this board, I recommend never looking at another board on this entire site.  You won't find another section that is more tolerant and welcoming than TTCAL.  A simple request was made... post more than just the usual, "FML...my sister's best friend's second cousin's ex girlfriend is pregnant".  It gets old.  Everyone is doing their best to create a positive experience here (not only for themselves but to help others as well.  Yes, this is a safe place for women who have experienced a loss.  How is it helping anyone if we're constantly sitting around complaining about every FB announcement or random person on the street getting knocked up?  No one said, "Do not complain about anything on this board ever".  It was just a simple lets do our part to liven up this board instead of always bringing it down.  If you aren't the type of person that is always posting negative thoughts... then the post wasn't about you.  If you have a serious complaint and really need the support... then support will be given to you (as long as you return it).
    BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
    BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
    BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
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  • I understand what you're saying, eb.  And I'm a pretty Negative Nancy myself.  But I'm also connecting what some of the ladies are talking about with a "friend" I have IRL.  We're not really even close.  Honestly, we barely know each other.  But still, she calls or texts or FBs me constantly with nothing (nothing) but complaints.  Not only is there no reciprocation as far as how I might be doing, but it's excessive.  She is sucking the life out of me. 

    That's sort of how I view certain posts to which car and others have been referring.


    PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
    TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
    2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
    2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
    2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
    IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
    So lost.
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  • It's a shame you feel that way because I've never met a more supportive and loving group of women in my life, both on the board and in person. That being said, if you don't feel this board is to your tastes, the Internet is a big place, you're welcome to find another that suits you more.
    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
    BFP#2 4/4/2013 - Born at 37w3d on 11/26/13 via emergency c-section
    Loving our beautiful rainbow baby boy Archer!
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  • image mightymousy:
    It's a shame you feel that way because I've never met a more supportive and loving group of women in my life, both on the board and in person. That being said, if you don't feel this board is to your tastes, the Internet is a big place, you're welcome to find another that suits you more.

    Exactly! I am sorry you feel that way. But a lot of these ladies have been here offering support for a long time and when they are doing it everyday for the same person, but getting nothing back, it can be exhausting.

    There is not one person here that is trying to be flat out mean or "middle school" ish but no body wants to read vent, after vent, after vent. If you had a friend like that IRL would you think they were a joy to be around? Or would you feel that they were draining?

     I think a lot of the new ladies need to realize that we are all real people. Therefore we should all be treated in the same manner you would treat your friends IRL. I have not been here for nearly as long as some ladies, yet here I am not feeling as though I have been alienated. I think that if people feel that way then they, themselves, are probably responsible for those feelings.

    TTC since April 2012
    BFP #1 9/26/12 EDD 6/7/13 MC at 5w2d on 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/18/13 Baby Boy born 10/2/13!

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  • I am new, and am now confused about what I should or should not post. I don't want to upset anyone, I only came here to find other women who understand what I am going through.

    I can only hope that I have not done anything wrong. I'm sorry if I have. I am trying very hard to be active and make friends here.

    I think you ladies are wonderful and I hope that I am welcome to stay.
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    EDD 8/6/13 MC 5/23/12 @6wk
    EDD 4/27/13 MC 8/29/12 @5wk
    EDD 1/16/13 MC 12/14/12 @7wk
  • image Crunkal:
    I am new, and am now confused about what I should or should not post.


    FWIW, here's my two cents. Honestly, when I see a poster with less than 20 to 30 posts posting vents or AWs, I roll my eyes. I've been here for nearly a year, and I STILL think on those kinds of posts for a few hours before putting them up. I watch how the board has been that day and try to recall my most recent threads. When I was first here, I hardly ever started posted; I was even cautious about YGPM ones! I really think newbies need to watch a bit longer, posting support but reading EVERYTHING before feeling like they understand the culture before becoming a regular starter of their own threads.

    Now, let me be clear. Intros and question posts don't fit in this category. Or at least not the kinds of questions that aren't answered either on the blog or somewhere on the first page of active posts. We are here to help newbies with the knowledge we've gained, so they should ask away.

    But really, in the first week at a new school, would you come in crying about your mom's crappy cooking or bragging about your awesome new pink sweater? No, you'd want to make friends, so you'd invest in OTHER people already at the school, listening and talking to them, before making yourself the focus.

    Again, I'm not speaking for everyone. Just for me.

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    BFP #1 (natural): 12/15/11; missed m/c and D&C at 7-8w
    BFP #2 (Menopur + Ovidrel + IUI#2): 11/20/12; hb@6w2d, no hb@7w6d; D&C
    BFP #3 (Menopur + Ovidrel + IUI#3): 6/7/13; Baby Button born via c/s 2/8/14
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  • image RosiePeare:
    FWIW, here's my two cents. Honestly, when I see a poster with less than 20 to 30 posts posting vents or AWs, I roll my eyes. I've been here for nearly a year, and I STILL think on those kinds of posts for a few hours before putting them up. I watch how the board has been that day and try to recall my most recent threads. When I was first here, I hardly ever started posted; I was even cautious about YGPM ones! I really think newbies need to watch a bit longer, posting support but reading EVERYTHING before feeling like they understand the culture before becoming a regular starter of their own threads. Now, let me be clear. Intros and question posts don't fit in this category. Or at least not the kinds of questions that aren't answered either on the blog or somewhere on the first page of active posts. We are here to help newbies with the knowledge we've gained, so they should ask away. But really, in the first week at a new school, would you come in crying about your mom's crappy cooking or bragging about your awesome new pink sweater? No, you'd want to make friends, so you'd invest in OTHER people already at the school, listening and talking to them, before making yourself the focus. Again, I'm not speaking for everyone. Just for me.

    Yes

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    TTA until January 2014
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  • image RosiePeare:
    image Crunkal:
    I am new, and am now confused about what I should or should not post.


    FWIW, here's my two cents. Honestly, when I see a poster with less than 20 to 30 posts posting vents or AWs, I roll my eyes. I've been here for nearly a year, and I STILL think on those kinds of posts for a few hours before putting them up. I watch how the board has been that day and try to recall my most recent threads. When I was first here, I hardly ever started posted; I was even cautious about YGPM ones! I really think newbies need to watch a bit longer, posting support but reading EVERYTHING before feeling like they understand the culture before becoming a regular starter of their own threads.

    Now, let me be clear. Intros and question posts don't fit in this category. Or at least not the kinds of questions that aren't answered either on the blog or somewhere on the first page of active posts. We are here to help newbies with the knowledge we've gained, so they should ask away.

    But really, in the first week at a new school, would you come in crying about your mom's crappy cooking or bragging about your awesome new pink sweater? No, you'd want to make friends, so you'd invest in OTHER people already at the school, listening and talking to them, before making yourself the focus.

    Again, I'm not speaking for everyone. Just for me.


    This exactly. Thanks for saying it so eloquently Rosie.
    BFP #1:  8/10/11 EDD: 4/9/12 Natural miscarriage @ 7 weeks: 8/20/11
    BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
    BFP #3:  5/17/13  EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13

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    Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
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  • image RosiePeare:
    image Crunkal:
    I am new, and am now confused about what I should or should not post.
    FWIW, here's my two cents. Honestly, when I see a poster with less than 20 to 30 posts posting vents or AWs, I roll my eyes. I've been here for nearly a year, and I STILL think on those kinds of posts for a few hours before putting them up. I watch how the board has been that day and try to recall my most recent threads. When I was first here, I hardly ever started posted; I was even cautious about YGPM ones! I really think newbies need to watch a bit longer, posting support but reading EVERYTHING before feeling like they understand the culture before becoming a regular starter of their own threads. Now, let me be clear. Intros and question posts don't fit in this category. Or at least not the kinds of questions that aren't answered either on the blog or somewhere on the first page of active posts. We are here to help newbies with the knowledge we've gained, so they should ask away. But really, in the first week at a new school, would you come in crying about your mom's crappy cooking or bragging about your awesome new pink sweater? No, you'd want to make friends, so you'd invest in OTHER people already at the school, listening and talking to them, before making yourself the focus. Again, I'm not speaking for everyone. Just for me.

    This. You always know the right thing to say, RosieSmile

    TTC since 4/28/07
    Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
    BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
    Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.

    June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!

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  • image RosiePeare:
    image Crunkal:
    I am new, and am now confused about what I should or should not post.
    FWIW, here's my two cents. Honestly, when I see a poster with less than 20 to 30 posts posting vents or AWs, I roll my eyes. I've been here for nearly a year, and I STILL think on those kinds of posts for a few hours before putting them up. I watch how the board has been that day and try to recall my most recent threads. When I was first here, I hardly ever started posted; I was even cautious about YGPM ones! I really think newbies need to watch a bit longer, posting support but reading EVERYTHING before feeling like they understand the culture before becoming a regular starter of their own threads. Now, let me be clear. Intros and question posts don't fit in this category. Or at least not the kinds of questions that aren't answered either on the blog or somewhere on the first page of active posts. We are here to help newbies with the knowledge we've gained, so they should ask away. But really, in the first week at a new school, would you come in crying about your mom's crappy cooking or bragging about your awesome new pink sweater? No, you'd want to make friends, so you'd invest in OTHER people already at the school, listening and talking to them, before making yourself the focus. Again, I'm not speaking for everyone. Just for me.

    Yes

    TTC since April 2012
    BFP #1 9/26/12 EDD 6/7/13 MC at 5w2d on 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/18/13 Baby Boy born 10/2/13!

    Counting Rainbows Blog

      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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