Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've just been trying to heal and haven't felt like I "fit in" around here since I wasn't sure where I was in my cycle. But girls, I need some support.
I got a BFP Nov. 27. Started bleeding a couple weeks later and it lasted about a week (but it was only light bleeding, occasionally red). About a week after the bleeding stopped, on Dec. 22, I had an appt at the OB & they did an u/s and HCG test. The u/s did not show a pregnancy and my HCG was 4 (it had been 91 when the bleeding started). I have not had any bleeding since the presumed chemical pregnancy. No period or any other bleeding.
This morning I got a BFP on a digital CBE test. I called the OB and requested an HCG draw. I should have the results tomorrow morning. I'm scared, I'm cautious, and I'm crazy emotional. I feel like maybe I'm imagining this or it has to be remnants from the last pregnancy. I didn't even want to tell my husband (of course, I did) and I don't want to tell anyone else. I'm sad like I am replacing my last loss (even though I wanted to TTC right away). I feel bad for not being 100% excited in case this pregnancy does lead to a healthy baby (like I'm cheating him/her out of something). It took me 4 cycles to get pregnant with DD, 4 cycles for c/p #1, 5 cycles for c/p #2, and now I'm supposed to believe "abracadabra" I'm pregnant again without even a period?
I don't know when we conceived. We've had regular sex since Dec. 24 (none before the Dec. 22 appt) so the farthest along I could be is 5w2d. I was waiting for a period to get back to charting.
I hate that I'm back on this roller coaster of waiting for HCG results. And I hate that I hate that because I want a baby more than anything.
I don't know what I'm asking, I just had to get this out and see if anyone can relate.