So, my pants are tight because I'm bloated, just like most of you. I looked down a minute ago and realized that the zipper has started to come unsewn from the pants around it because it has been stretched too far. A full inch of my yellow underwear is visible, even when standing.
My only saving grace is I took my own advice and am wearing a long, floaty top. The only problem with it is my breasts threaten to spill out the top of it at any moment.
I am a high school teacher, and wardrobe malfunctions are not easily forgotten around here. I'm screwed.