Parenting after a Loss

? for those TTC #2 or with more than one LO

This may be kind of rambling, but I just have a lot on my mind.  I want to start by saying that it is still surreal that I even get to think about TTC #2.  I said that my 7th pregnancy would be my last try and now that little miracle is almost 15 months old.  I am now thinking about TTC again and am wondering if we should start now.  It took 4 years to bring DS home so I know we are likely in for more hard times.  It could be 4 more years or it could never happen....but it could also happen right away. 

So, my question is how did you know when to start TTC again? 

Also, if you have more than one LO, how close in age are they and how do you feel about it?  I'm asking that one because I have heard so many stories about how hard it is having 2 close together.

7 mm/c
APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
bfp #9 - 9.23.13, our miracle baby girl arrived 5.29.14

Re: ? for those TTC #2 or with more than one LO

  • I love that there are so many of us TTC again.  Hopefully this means a good crowd of us on PgAL together again. 

    We started not preventing from about 4m pp onward.  AF didn't return until 8.5m pp though.  Our main reasons for jumping right back on the train were age (both 36 now, well DH will be in a couple weeks) and that his job is about to take him away for 6 months at a time...so we best TTC while we can.

    No second little one yet, but if we get lucky this cycle they'd be almost exactly 2 years apart.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

    Lilypie - (2llN)

    Lilypie - (2L9u)

     

      My Recipe Blog
    ~All AL'ers welcome~

  • First, the thought of another little you makes me smile. :)

    It was my call to wait as long (almost 2 years) to start trying again. I had to be ready mentally & emotionally. I prepared myself for another 2years of trying & another 2 losses WHILE caring for my awesome little man. We got super lucky to conceive the first go round after getting my IUD out. We will see in 2 weeks if I'm lucky enough for it to stick. I am still ready for shitt to hit the fan, although I pray with every thread of my being that I don't have to go through that helll again.
    Pg #1: 4/02/02- 40w5d - Healthy baby girl adopted out

    Pg #2: Missed m/c ~11w - d&c 10/27/08

    Pg #3: Missed m/c ~7w - d&c 6/29/09

    Pg #4: 12/03/10- 41w - Healthy babe boy

    Pg #5: EDD 8/03/13

    Buddies: Cowgirl and kelinandkevin

    Again?

    imageimage
  • Thanks leslie!  I am sending you lots of T&Ps!

    Junebug - There are a lot of us TTC again...it's awesome!  

    7 mm/c
    APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
    bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
    bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
    bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
    bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
    bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
    bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
    one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
    ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
    bfp #9 - 9.23.13, our miracle baby girl arrived 5.29.14

  • I just wanted to add that I have/ had more confidence with this pregnancy knowing what I did to carry M to term. It lifted a little weight. Ya know? 

    Good luck lady! You will remain in my thoughts & prayers. <3
    Pg #1: 4/02/02- 40w5d - Healthy baby girl adopted out

    Pg #2: Missed m/c ~11w - d&c 10/27/08

    Pg #3: Missed m/c ~7w - d&c 6/29/09

    Pg #4: 12/03/10- 41w - Healthy babe boy

    Pg #5: EDD 8/03/13

    Buddies: Cowgirl and kelinandkevin

    Again?

    imageimage
  • We started trying right away because of my age and got pregnant when DD was 7 months..she will be 1 next week
    Hold On ....Michael Buble
    MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
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    Baby A born via c-section 1/10/12 @38w3d
    BFP #1 11/4/09 m/c 4w3d baby crab
    BFP #2 12/4/09 m/c 9w3d baby lion
    BFP #3 7/1/10 m/c 4w1d baby fish
    BFP #4 5/8/11
    BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
  • We waited until AF made her return, at 13.5 months, to seriously think about TTC. We had talked about it on and off and thought that 2 years apart is a good age.

    Of course, that is assuming that we would get to have it stick and carry to term. We got a bfp right after, but that ended in a cp. We are just going to keep TTCAL.

    I didn't want to wait too long because I know that it can take a while. Even if we were to get a bfp, for me, that is no guarantee that we will have a second take home baby.

    My Chart

    My Life

    BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
    BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
    BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
    BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
    BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
    BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
    BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d
  • Our plan is to start trying in March or April... :) 

    I think for us we waited for DD to get easier to take care of, I wanted somewhat of a break for my boobs to be my own and getting financials in order and settled in my job. I don't want to wait much longer because I am soooo very excited (and scared), don't want to wait for DD to get too easy and having a newborn again would be a shock. 

     Yay, good luck Samm, hopefully it happens easy and fast for you when you decide! 

    BFP CP 1/12/11 DD born 10/16/11
  • I didn't get AF back until DS1 weaned at 15 months. That left enough of an age difference that we were comfortable trying right away. Since it took longer than we expected to end up with DS1 we figured we'd better start in case we were in it for the long haul. Was extremely lucky to get pregnant quickly and end up with DS2 without the heartache of loss and TTTC this time. Though the process was less emotionally laden without the "will I ever have a child of my own?" scary thought and less allencompassing with a toddler as wonderful distraction. Pregnancy went more quickly too.
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    First pg = missed m/c, D&C at 10wks, always in my heart.

    Second pg = my beautiful baby boy, born at 36w by c-section for PPROM, transverse lie.

    Third pg = a baby brother!, born by repeat c-section for breech because I apparently don't grow babies the right direction.
  • My DD was about your LO's age when I unexpectedly got pregnant. That was my 1st m/c. While we weren't trying for that one, we would have been ready to consider trying soon if it weren't for DH being in his last year of law school and working full time. After my m/c we said screw it and knew things could take a while and decided not to wait. With waiting to see if my cycles evened out, a CP in there and finally diagnosing some progesterone issues, I'm glad we didn't wait. So my story is a bit different b/c I didn't have a loss until after I had DD. I would say if you are open to another one, then knowing it may take a while but also being prepared for things to work out right away and processing all that will probably help. If you started TTC right now, the shortest age difference your kids will have would be two years, and many people plan them that way. Not sure if this helped but GL with figuring out what works for you guys. :)
    BFP #1, 12/22/09 - DD#1 born 9/2010
    BFP #2, 12/12/11, m/c 12/25/11
    BFP #3, 3/09/12, CP 3/10/12
    BFP #4, 7/22/12, DD#2 born 4/2013
     

  • We chose to wait because of several reasons:

    1. I needed a boob/dependency break.  I needed my body back for awhile.

    2. I am 22 months apart from my brother.  It was just right.

    3. I wanted to enjoy DS while he was young and not worry about dividing my time.

    4. We wanted to be debt free (except the mortgage) so that I ciuld have the freedom to quit my job if I wanted.  

    That being said, we originally wanted to TTC now (Jan) but I have been enticed with an all-inclusive adults only vacation to Jamaica in May.  The plans of Red Stripe beer on the beach in Negril has swayed me to TTA just a little bit longer:) 

    12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
  • We stopped preventing pregnancy when DD was 11m and started STTN.  I got pregnant right away - which was a shocker since it took a year for #1.

    We knew we wanted at least 2 kids about 2 years apart because of DH's age and our health concerns - the younger we had kids the better for us.  I was 28/30 and DH was 37/39 when we had our 2.

    DD and DS are 20 months apart.  It is HARD.  I think it is extra hard b/c I am working FT, exclusively feeding BM, both of us have 30min+ commutes each way, and I choose to CD as well which just adds that much more laundry each week. 

    We described the first 7 months with 2 kids as being in survival mode.  We made it though but it was hard.  My kids are not good sleepers - maybe it is genetic - maybe DH and I are bad at sleep training.  Ds does NOT STTN yet and DD still has many nights with night wakings.

    I would do it all again - and we are considering a 3rd with a similar gap in ages. so it isn't like we were traumatized by it all - we just know that it will be another year of tough days and sleepless nights.

    The biggest problem we have is when the baby needs to nurse or needs the house to be somewhat quiet for a nap - the toddler exploits the situation and gets super naughty for the attention.  We have both learned to be more patient and also to anticipate problems and try to occupy DD in a way that she doesn't feel the need to be a little monster monkey climbing the walls.

    A 7/2010 - 9 pounds 1 oz, 22 in

    T 3/2012 - 11 pounds, 22 in

      

  • Yayyy for TTC!  I heard that once your body goes through PG, it is easier to get PG second time around.  I hope that is true.  For us, we are TTA due to lot of things.  Since DS was high needs baby, I am not mentally ready to handle a infant yet.  I am also really enjoying the toddler age.  I feel like I need energy to keep up with him and just don't think I can do that while being PG.  Also, it makes sense for us to wait due to finances.  It would be nice if my DS is potty trained and STTN consistently before I get PG with another.  We might try for second baby after DS is 2 and hope to have a baby by when he is 3. 
    BFP 1: 08Aug10, EDD: 14Apr11, D&E 11Sep10 BFP 2: 29Jan11, EDD: 12Oct11, DS born 07Oct11!!! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm glad you asked this because this stuff has been on my mind a ton the past few months since AF returned at 11 months PP. 

     I was certain I wanted to TTA for a while after AF returned because 1) I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't have LOs who were only 1 year apart in school (already fearing the empty nest) and 2) I wanted to have some time to monitor my cycles and feel like my body has gotten back to normal so that I won't place blame on my body if we end up having another loss.  We have passed number 1 but number 2 is still an issue that has me in the TTA boat.  I'm hopeful that we can start TTC sometime this winter or spring with the hopes of our kids being between 2 and 3 years apart.  I'm sure once we officially stop TTA, I will still have a lot of reservations about whether it's the right time but I know once our second child is here, we'll be thrilled no matter what the age gap. 

     

    BFP #1: 10.9.10 ... EDD 6.15.11 ... mmc at 10w2d ... D&C 11.22.10

    BFP #2: 2.12.11 ... EDD 10.25.11...DS Born 10.23.11

    TTC # 2 since December 2012

    BFP #3: 2.9.14 ... EDD 10.23.14...It's a girl!...Born sleeping 7.2.14 at 24w

    Dx: Heterozygous MTHFR C677T Mutation and Protein S deficiency. Rx for Lovenox, FA, and BA.

    Chart

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  • I knew I wanted kids close together but the major driving factor was being diagnosed with an elevated FSH. I was told if we wanted more than 1 child that we shouldn't wait. It took over 2 yrs to have C and figured we should start trying. Were blessed pretty much right away. There are days I'm completely terrified bc I can't picture logistics but mostly I am excited for the adventure! GL!
    BFP #1 6/18/10 Saw HB 7/15/10 Missed M/C 8/17/10 @ 12 weeks 2 days- 2 D&C's( 8/20 and 8/26) BFP#2 11/21/10 Nonviable at 5wks, possible ectopic. Methotrexate 12/3/10&12/9/10 BFP#3 3/10/11 Beta@12dpo 39 Beta@14dpo 160! 21 DPO 2439 HB at 7wks 127 EDD 11/17/11
    ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
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  • Wow I can't believe your Lo is 15 months already!  where did the time go.  I'm not sure if you remember me from our first loss together.   I started to TTc right away after I had my LO 10 weeks early since it look us 2 years to have him and i knew we were in for more troubles too.  This time was harder than the first time around and we went through all kinds of testing and some fertility treatments, surgery and nothing happened.    We finally gave up when Lo was 2 but, my heart was so sad about it and I got got Pg in Aug and had issues from the start of that pregnancy.  I got Pg naturally with Triplets and lost one at 4 weeks, one at 6 weeks and than my water broke at 14 weeks and I delivered our baby girl too little for this life.  That was out 5th loss and I told myself that was it I just couldn't go through the pain any more.   Now here i am a month later thinking maybe we should give it one more try.   Yes having 2 close together may be hard but, I think if you think of the struggles you have been through you can do it....  Good Luck!!  Hope you have an easier time of it this time. 
    10/17/2009 - Our Miracle came 10 weeks early. IF,2 MC and 1 Preemie we have our miracle.. Baby Hope 10 weeks 5days was taken from us on Dec 18, 2007. Forever with us and Forever missed. Triplets Lost baby A @ weeks, Lost Baby B at 6 weeks and lost baby Abigail at 14 weeks when she was born to little for this life..... Forever with us ....
  • image irishbaby0708:
    Wow I can't believe your Lo is 15 months already!  where did the time go.  I'm not sure if you remember me from our first loss together.   I started to TTc right away after I had my LO 10 weeks early since it look us 2 years to have him and i knew we were in for more troubles too.  This time was harder than the first time around and we went through all kinds of testing and some fertility treatments, surgery and nothing happened.    We finally gave up when Lo was 2 but, my heart was so sad about it and I got got Pg in Aug and had issues from the start of that pregnancy.  I got Pg naturally with Triplets and lost one at 4 weeks, one at 6 weeks and than my water broke at 14 weeks and I delivered our baby girl too little for this life.  That was out 5th loss and I told myself that was it I just couldn't go through the pain any more.   Now here i am a month later thinking maybe we should give it one more try.   Yes having 2 close together may be hard but, I think if you think of the struggles you have been through you can do it....  Good Luck!!  Hope you have an easier time of it this time. 

     

    Of course I remember you!  I am so sorry for your losses!  That is absolutely heartbreaking.  Huge hugs!

    7 mm/c
    APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
    bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
    bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
    bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
    bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
    bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
    bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
    one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
    ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
    bfp #9 - 9.23.13, our miracle baby girl arrived 5.29.14

  • I wanted to wait until DD was at least 12m for BFing purposes. And then we waited until 13m bc we had a Vegas trip planned. It took us two yrs to get DD and we wanted them somewhat close together. We didn't think it would happen so fast...this baby was conceived in Vegas.
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  • After DS was born I wanted another right away.  I really wanted to try for one as soon as possible, but I was BFing and I didn't get AF until DS's 1st b-day (actually on his b-day).  I got pg and my EDD was 1 week prior to his 2nd b-day.  I thought it would be great, sadly I had a mmc at about 12 weeks. 

     After trying for a while (and obsessing a lot) I got another BFP with an EDD that would make DD and DS 2y9m apart.  Having the kids 2y9m is great.  DS was potty trained when DD was born.  He's also really independent, its amazing how much more independent he is than when he was 2 years.  He plays really well with his sister and understands and listens to instructions. 

    After DD was born I never felt the same urge to have another.  In fact I'm happy with 2 kids and feel no need to have another.  The more time passes the happier I am with only 2 kids.  

     

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    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

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  • We recently started TTC again. We know that we want at least one more and don't know how long it will take. So far we're off to a rough start so I'm sort of glad that we started when we did. I think it could be hard having them close together but in a lot of ways easier too, especially when I think of the lack of sleep and how limited I felt getting out of the house with a newborn, I guess I'd rather do that now while N is still younger before he is old enough to get annoyed with it. However, I'm really hoping we can get him out of diapers before the next one comes, lol I know wishful thinking! GL whatever you decide :)
    ?DD 9/17/10 22wks I carry you in my heart.?
    bfp#2 2/14/11? cerclage placed at 13 weeks
    ?DS 9/29/11 36 wks 3 days 8lb 20 1/4" ?
    bfp#3 12/15/12 CP 12/27/12
    bfp#4 2/25/13
    beta#1 51 beta#2 163 beta#3 1,370
  • We are going to TTC as soon as I lose 30lbs or in July. Which ever comes first. I feel ready but my body is not.
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  • We found out about our "unexpected blessing" on Claire's 1st birthday. Big Smile I was terrified of having them so close in age, but it's actually been wonderful. Our hands are certainly full most of the time and it is busy, but now that Alice is a little over 6 months, the girls LOVE interacting and being with each other. It has been a joy seeing their relationship start to develop and they have such a strong affection for each other. Everyone I know who has kids close in age has told me that they wouldn't do it any other way. It's crazy when they are young, but once they get to be about school age, it actually makes life much easier. Having kids who are at the same stage simplifies things....you only have to think about baby/baby, toddler/toddler, teenager/teenager, etc, rather than dividing your brain between the issues that go along with having a baby and the issues of an older child.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Loss #1 (missed miscarriage) 14 weeks Loss #2 (missed miscarriage) 10 weeks Loss #3 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #4 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #5 (chemical pregnancy)
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