Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

hard to be happy

Don't really know how to put this it sounds so selfish. My husband and I lost our baby on the 27th obviously we had made the announcement at Christmas (surprised our parents with presents making the announcement) Well after I told my family my sister told me that my cousin was pregnant too. We announced it together to our extended family that night. We were due 4 days apart... I'm really trying to be happy and excited for her (it is her first) but all I can really feel is jealous and angry, not angry at her just that she gets her baby (God willing) and I don't. I know that it's not my fault and I couldn't have prevented it but God it is so hard sometimes. I have a follow up appointment today so see how my body is handling things and if I need a D&C or not. Maybe that's why I'm melting down again. I just hope the doc has some good news, don't know if I could handle anything else bad right now. I want this to be over and I know it never will be completely.

Re: hard to be happy

  • I am so sorry that you're going through this. A loss is hard enough, but having a constant reminder like your cousin having a baby so close to your due date is really tough! I don't think you sound selfish at all... you need time to heal, emotionally and physically, and it's completely normal to be feeling the way you do right now. Even though I'm almost a month out from my miscarriage, it's still hard to see babies and pregnant women sometimes, so I can relate. Go easy on yourself, and if you need to keep a little distance from your cousin or other things that remind you of your loss then that's okay. *hugs*
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

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  • I can relate, and feel your pain.  We lost our (first) baby on the 12th of December, and my sister-in-law gave birth to her (second) baby on December 13th.  I felt guilty for feeling so jealous and downright angry (she gets two and I can't even have one?!), but several people validated my feelings once I had the courage to share them.  I still haven't met my nephew, but am feeling ready to open my heart to this new baby, even though he's not mine.  

     Just know that you are not alone, and what you have experienced (are experiencing) is a devastating loss worthy of a whole range of intense emotion.  Your feelings are valid.  I wish you healing and hope for the new year.  Much love, mama.   

  • I totally understand where you are coming from.  A friend at work and I were also just days apart.  I feel the same way every time I see her and have now found myself avoiding her completely.  It is just so hard and I am sure it will get more difficult as the months go by and I have to see her growing belly every day. And when she has the baby I'll just be thinking about how I should be going through the same happiness... it just stinks!

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    Me: 32, DH: 33
    Married 4/3/04, TTC since 6/2008 dx: MFI
    IUIs #1-4 (Clomid) = BFN
    IUI #5 (Letrozole) = BFP (EDD 6/28/13)
    mmc @ 10w4d - D&C 12/14/12 @ 12 weeks
    IUI #6 (Letrozole) March



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  • You are not selfish for feeling the way you do.  You are grieving and your feelings are normal.  It is a very hard thing to get over.  I am 4 weeks past my d & c and I still have some really bad days here and there.

    I also don't like being around pregnant people right now.  Not because I am jealous of them or are begrudging them a healthy baby, it just reminds me of what I have lost and it makes me very sad.  

    Thoughts and prayers are with you.  I hope you feel better soon.


  • I recently lost my baby at 9 weeks... it's not much but still the hardest thing I've been through. I can totally understand what you're feeling and don't think you're being selfish at all. My sister in law had her baby two months ago and I didn't want to see the baby or the mother for a few weeks. I feel much better now and I'm confident that everything happens for the better... I also saw my little nephew again and he's adorable.

    Give yourself enough time to heal... just the ones who have gone through this experience can understand how devastating it can be... hugs to you!

    Vane P-Loss at 9 weeks Married 4 years
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