December 2012 Moms

baby is here and so are the critics... (kinda long)

I had my DS on December 14th, and I would have to say that it took about one whole week for people to start giving me unwanted advice/opinions, which is longer than I thought I would go.

First, I planned to EBF my baby from the very beginning. This, however, didn't happen. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I have made very little milk, no matter what I tried. Milk came in and almost as soon as it came, it went. No amount of pumping would help. Also, baby was on the small side and had a hard time latching on (had to use nipple shields and such to even attempt BFing). This led to stress and the eventual supplementing of formula. Now that is all we give him. I feel completely terrible for it, but I'm happy he's gaining weight finally and is happy. I've been getting lots of opinions on this, like I am the worst person in the world or just lazy. I applaud women who are able to breastfeed their babies, simply because it didn't work out for me.

Then, my little one was born two weeks early weighing only 4 lbs, 14 ozs. When we left the hospital, he only weighed 4 lbs, 9 ozs. We were told we were lucky to even get to bring him home, but he was doing well so we could (this was disproved by a re-admit to the hospital two days later). Whenever anyone sees him now, I get "he's so tiny!" which doesn't bother me in the least. What bothers me is that the other day someone asked me if I ate while I was pregnant, because he was so little. This REALLY got to me for some reason. I already have felt like I have done something wrong since he was born so little, but thinking that people might think that makes me upset.

I know women have these problems all the time, but I hate not having anyone who really understands. Thanks for letting me rant a little bit. Reading what you guys are going through as well makes me feel a little better and less alone in all this! 

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Re: baby is here and so are the critics... (kinda long)

  • I'm so sorry you're surrounded by assholes.  Just keep doing the best you can for your baby, and ignore the comments.  

    God, a new mom does not need that kind of crap from anyone.  I'm so sorry :(

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  • image StefandTodd:

    I'm so sorry you're surrounded by assholes.  Just keep doing the best you can for your baby, and ignore the comments.  

    God, a new mom does not need that kind of crap from anyone.  I'm so sorry :(

    this - ignore those who would criticize - all anyone can do is their best. Keep doing that, ;you are not a mom failure.  

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  • If you read the post below about feeling like a mom failure and breast feeding you will see that you are not alone. Breast feeding is tough. My baby is mostly eating formula and I have an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow so I am still trying my baby isn't a week old yet but I am preparing myself for the possibility that it may not work for us. I have burst into tears multiple times about this issue. Luckily I have a lot of support at home. If I were you I would ignore any comments because either they have never experienced problems or they don't remember what it is like.

    The comments about your baby being small are just ridiculous and I'm sure he will be big before you know it. Unfortunately people lose all common sense when it comes to commenting on other people's babies.

    Good luck with your LO.
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  • image StefandTodd:
    I'm so sorry you're surrounded by assholes. nbsp;Just keep doing the best you can for your baby, and ignore the comments. nbsp;God, a new mom does not need that kind of crap from anyone. nbsp;I'm so sorry :


    This. You are doing exactly as your baby needs. Please ignore the ignorant comments!! Motherhood is hard enough without dealing with all of that. Keep up the good work, mama!
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  • I learned with DS that being a mom is the one job that is judged the most. If anything it helped me develop a thick skin. All you can do is your best. ((hugs))
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    BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09

    BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11

    BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12

    BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12



  • When Skye was born I was all about the bfing, but that soon went out when we realized that she can't seem to latch on either.  I used a b.shield but it took to long for the milk to get to her that she just gives up and falls asleep.  During this time we also supplemented with formula, and I'm trying to pump, when I do pump I only get enough for one feeding, so we do both.

    We as mothers do what we need to in order to make sure our children are healthy and happy, and full, to not feed her formula would be starving her and how is that an option.  Keep up the great job and tell the others to STFU.

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  • Humm... for the jerk who asked if you ate while preg, you could have judgementally at them and asked "so how many more weeks do you have left in your pregnancy?"
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  • It gets said a million times on here but really ignore what other people say. This stuff will go on the rest of your life because people always have opinions so you need to get used to it now.

    Are you feeding your baby? If so, that's success in my book.  Don't feel terrible because it's formula and not breast milk because in the end all that matters is that you're doing what you need to do as a mom, which is feed and love your baby.

    In time you'll start to feel more comfortable in your role as a mom and more confident in the choices you make and then not only will all the comments not bother you so much but you won't feel the need to defend yourself so much either.

     

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then success with condoms! Who would ever have guessed.

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  • I really hate hearing other peoples opinions and advice (especially DH's families). It seems someone always has something to say and usually it makes me feel as I'm doing something wrong. I hear you on the breastfeeding. This is my second baby and I couldn't do it this time either. This time I didn't allow myself to feel gulity. I attempted it, couldn't do it, and I'm feeding my baby the best way I can. Try not to let all the comments get to you, it's easier said then done, but your doing a great job. That's all that matters.
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  • image StefandTodd:

    I'm so sorry you're surrounded by assholes.  Just keep doing the best you can for your baby, and ignore the comments.  

    God, a new mom does not need that kind of crap from anyone.  I'm so sorry :(

    Thanks you guys. I talked to my DH about all this, which helped as well. It doesn't help that I was pretty prone to tears throughout my entire pregnancy and now the first few weeks PP. You're right, it really doesn't help anyone at all.

    I'm going to try and get a little tougher and, frankly, more bitchy with people who offer up their unwanted opinions. haha. :]

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  • My inlaws have been the worst! Well my MIL has--- and they are chinese and can speak english but mainly chose not to. They were visiting in the hospital and had been helping out with my DD who is 13 months old and they just kept on with the chinese, no  english and were talking about me and my DS to my hubby, after several side-eyes to him and saying "huh" a thousand times I finally stood up from my hospital bed 5 hrs post delivery and said "ok its time to speak some english and if you have something to say about my children then say it to my face in a language that I understand!" Needless to say I was pissed, she gets on my nerves so stinking bad but over the past few years I have gained some thicker skin and have just started being more verbal with my husband and MIL and she has backed off, and after my little rant she spoke nothing but english!!! Stick out tongue
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