Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Baby will NOT sleep in crib..HELP..Long....

I am so sleep deprived and so is baby.  My LO is 10 mos old and has NEVER been a good sleeper.  He used to sleep in his crib for 2-3 hours at a time (never longer) but for the last several weeks he won't even sleep at all in his crib.  Don't judge me for what I am about to tell you...In a desperate attempt for sleep I have been sleeping with him on the couch (he on me).  It's the only way I/he could get any sleep.  The last couple of nights I have been able to get him to sleep a little in a full size bed with me beside him. He still wakes up every 1-2 hours.  I have done CIO a little.  He will cry for 2 hours and still not fall asleep.  I don't know how long I should let him cry.  I am not opposed to this method as it worked with my first son (he only cried for 45 mins at the most though).  It is difficult because my older son and LO share a room and older one has school, therefore, I cannot really CIO in the middle of the night.  Also, LO's new thing is he can be completely asleep and I lay him in crib and he pops right up and screams, eventually falls asleep sitting up and will never lay down.  Once he fell over and slept but for only 1 hour.  Although I am very desperate for sleep you other mothers can probably understand why I know I prob need to tough it out on a weekend or holiday the idea of what is too come is daunting, therefore, I keep putting it off.  I need someone who has the same prob to chime in.  If your LO hates crib and sleeps sitting up....please tell me what works for you.  The poor little guy needs the sleep more than me as he has big bags under his eyes.  In my heart I know I need to stick to the CIO over a weekend I guess I just need some cheerleaders.  By the way, He is not the kind of baby that I can go in and "soothe."  Makes it worse.  No Ferber baby here.  Plus, I am open to any suggestions.  He's almost a year old and has never slept thru the night...2-3 hours tops even when he sleeps on me.

 

Thanks for listening and not judging :)

Re: Baby will NOT sleep in crib..HELP..Long....

  • I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm in the exact same boat. :. I literally could have written you post word for word. I look forward to seeing what people say!
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  • It sounds like your little guy has yet to learn how to soothe himself to sleep. He seems to rely heavily on you to help him fall asleep.

    It's perfectly natural for him to wake up every few hours.  It's part of his sleep cycle - we do it too. However, when we do it, we're able to quickly fall back asleep again.  When your LO does it, he needs you to help him.  

    From what you've written, I think you already know what you need to do.  CIO is not for everybody. However, if you've exhausted all other avenues and you and your little guy are still sleep deprived, it's time for drastic measures. CIO is not for the faint of heart ... it requires dedication and stamina.  You can't be wishy-washy, otherwise it will confuse the heck out of your LO.  It's all or nothing - you can't just do "a little". I know you said LO is not a Ferber baby, but honestly, it might be a good idea to read the book anyway.  There's a lot of good information about sleep, plus there is a day-to-day plan to follow.  Ferber acknowledges that going in to soothe baby could make them cry harder, louder.

    We used Ferber at 4 months when I noticed that DS was able to fall asleep on his own.  Of course, we've have some setbacks (growth spurts, illness, teething, etc.), but DS was able to get back on track faster each time. 

    I prefer the gradual method (timed check-ins) better, but the extinction method works for many people too.  Again, you must make the commitment, otherwise, it's a waste of time and the crying will have been for nothing.

    By the way, "sleeping through the night" is a bit of a misnomer.  Everyone wakes up at least a few times during the night, even though you may not remember it.  The reason you think LO is a bad sleeper is because you're there to witness every wake up (and he's used to waking up to see you).  His sleep patterns are normal.  He just needs to learn how to put himself back to sleep without you. 

    Good luck! 

    ETA:  I know you feel it's a hard thing to put LO and yourself through, but it does work.  And when it does, you'll be asking yourself why you didn't do it sooner. I've seen non-believers become believers overnight!  You can do it!  And it'll be worth it.

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  • I agree with the PP... CIO is not for the faint of heart.  I can't do it.  We went through a little phase where DD would not fall asleep on her own.  I know...a very minor problem compared to what you are going through.  We talked with our pedi and came up with a plan.  It was very gradual.  We started by rocking LO until she was almost asleep and putting her in her crib.  She would wake right up, but we would not get her back out.  We then would stand at her crib and pat her, talk to her, etc until she was either asleep or very calm.  Then we just kept backing off.  After standing at her crib, we would lay on floor next to it.  Then be at the door, etc.  We did a lot of standing around soothing her while in the crib.  DH and I took 30 min shifts.  It worked.  It didn't take weeks or anything.  Now she goes to sleep on her own unless she has a problem.

    I am sure I wasn't too helpful.  Have you talked with your pedi about ideas? 

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  • I hate the whole idea of CIO. I can't take the crying, and it makes me want to claw my eyes out. I have been very lucky in that DDs respond fairly quickly to it. I have never had them cry for more than 30 minutes. I am proudly faint of heart. Having said that, I think you need to do some sort training like beth2882 said, where you ease LO into the routine, if only to minimize the agony of the CIO. DD2 is giving me a hard time at night with her last bottle, and I have had to put her in her crib and walk away. She cried, but then went to sleep after about 15-20 minutes, or just sat in her crib until she passed with her head on her feet. Your situation is unique in that you have another child being affected by the CIO. Could you put him in your bed or on the couch while you adjust LO? Maybe make a tent or something for him so it doesn't seem like such a disruption and more like an adventure? Then you can focus solely on getting LO in the crib. Having a monitor on LO is also good because then you have a visual on what kind of "crying" LO is doing. GL.
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  • I should say that we are not really sleeping through the night either, but sleep has been getting better. We co-sleep 90% of the time on a king sized mattress on the floor and it works great for us, but our LO can sleep in her crib on her own as well.

    A few things I've done:

    1. I nurse and found that she wasn't getting enough, so now she gets a 6-8 oz bottle and then nurses for just a minute afterwards to soothe. Then she seems to sleep a LOT better and longer. Could your LO be hungry?

    2. I spent a week sleeping in her room next to her crib (on an air mattress)- she would cry, but not for as long a period. Could you try this and temporarily move your other child into a bedroom with dad?

    3. Might your LO have reflux? It could be why he's not comfortable on the flat surface.

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  • I might not be a ton of help but I can say that your baby WILL sleep in the crib if you make him. Not intending that to sound like you have to be mean, but he will learn that is where he sleeps if you make him. (There's probably a nicer way to put that!).

    Right now, he only knows what you have let him do. He would prefer sleeping with you on the couch, bed, wherever and he also knows that if he cries, you will come get him out of the crib. My LO has been doing this recently in the night and the first couple times I went to get him, right when I picked him up he laid his head on me and stopped crying. This is how I knew nothing was wrong, except he just didn't want to be in his bed. Well, unfortunately that's not how it works so I had to let him CIO for a bit. It's definitely hard on me and him but I feel it has to be done. My LO can't just sleep on me all night :)

    If you keep putting it off it will only become harder. Be consistent and it will work! GL

     

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  • My 11 month old is now waking up several times a night.  A few months back she was sleeping pretty consistently from 9 pm to about 5 a.m. then waking up to eat and going back down.

    Now she's getting up around 1 a.m. and maybe 4/5 am and 6 am.  It's annoying.  She also wakes up and sits straight up like she's completely awake.  She was sharing a room with our 2 year old but they wake each other up so I brought her back into our room in the pack n' play.  I think first of all the pack and play isn't too comfortable.  We put a lot of cushioning in there but I think it's getting too small.  When she rolls over and reaches the mesh she scratches it with her little fingers and it makes a horrible noise and I think that wakes her up too.

    When she wakes up I bring her in bed and nurse her and wrap her back up in a blanket and she goes back down, but the whole waking up several times is killing me.  I am still nursing her and so she's either nursing for comfort or wakes up hungry.  She eats very well during the day but seems to like the milk at night.  I just get up with her and if it's closer to 5 am I bring her in bed and she sleeps fine til we all get up at 7 a.m.

    I don't have any great suggestions, but babies do weird things.  Eventually she'll grow out of it.  My 2 year old is out like a rock all night and is an awesome sleeper.  

    I don't let her CIO because it's annoying and she's right next to our bed, it's easier to just feed her and put her back down.  Again, she won't be doing this forever.  They're only babies once and eventually they'll sleep longer.   So, good luck, but it happens to many people. 

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  • I was so unbelievably anti-CIO, and I was SURE that LO would cry for hours on end. People would suggest letting him cry all the time, and I would get mad or defensive. I was 100% certain that if I let him cry, he would cry for hours. But LO wasn't sleeping well at ALL, and I didn't know what else to do. Some nights he would wake up every hour, all night long, and I thought I would lose my mind. I read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" with high hopes, but it honestly didn't help.

    It wasn't until a month and a half ago, at 4:30am, after he had woken up four times, that I finally was desperate enough to try it. I had nursed him, rocked him, burped him, and put him down asleep, but as soon as his head would touch the bed, he would wake up and cry. Literally the second I'd start to pick him back up, he'd stop crying and go right back to sleep. So I was leaning halfway into his crib, making a loud "shushing" noise, patting his back with one hand and kind of cradling him with my other arm, and I suddenly realized that I really, really wasn't helping my son learn to sleep. I left his room, and he cried for 23 minutes (longest 23 minutes ever!), but then he slept for the rest of the night. The longest he ever cried was 30 minutes on the second night (I caved in and rocked him to sleep after 30 minutes, so I don't know how long he would've cried that time), but the next night he cried for 10 minutes, and the night after that, it was only four. I still put him to bed asleep, but if he would wake up during the night, I wouldn't go in.

    It's a month and a half since the first night I let him cry, and now he is consistently sleeping 12-13 hours without crying or needing me. Like PP said, he still semi-wakes up/moves around at night, but he can just go back to sleep by himself now. The only reason I know he wakes up is because we have a video monitor and I sometimes see him do it. He'll sit up, move around a little, lay back down, and be sound asleep again without ever making a sound. I still nurse him to sleep for naps and bedtime, but once he's down, he doesn't need me to come back in. It's glorious.

    I liked the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (although admittedly I haven't read it all, since it's long, and I'm just enjoying being able to sleep now.) You might want to check it out. He has a lot of good things to say about how babies sleep and how to help them do it better. I don't agree with/do everything he says, but there are some helpful insights.

    Good luck!! 

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  • Hi Mama! You are doing so much for your son to help him sleep. I know how hard it is to be sleep deprived and not sure where to go next.

    I am a baby/toddler sleep consultant and a mom of a 19 month old. 

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    Hi Mama! You are doing so much for your son to help him sleep. I know how hard it is to be sleep deprived and not sure where to go next.

    I am a baby/toddler sleep consultant and a mom of a 19 month old. 

    My approach is not different than the hundreds of books on the subject. The difference that I offer is personal, compassionate and experienced support. I listen to the needs of the family and I write out a step by step plan that fits with their values and comfort level. I am available through the entire process and even months later as follow up questions come (due to teething, travel or sickness).  The families I work with tend to have tried sleep training methods before without success and just need that extra support.   I am available by email and phone as questions or situations arise and can answer them immediately.  The sleep training books out there are great!  They just aren't able to directly respond to a particular question that comes up during the process of sleep training. I also encourage and support the families when it is hard. Sleep training is hard work! It is emotionally draining for many parents and I am on the other side supporting and encouraging.  Honestly, I give exactly what I needed when I helped my own son learn to fall asleep. 

    http://sweetdreamspdx.com/ 

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