Single Parents

Pregnant under worst possible conditions : (

Wow, what a mess I have gotten into.  I am 41 and single.  Was trying to develop a relationship with a nice guy but realized he just wasn't my type.  Also was sporadically messing around with a not so nice guy every now and then (we had sex about once month) who I knew I had no future with (to be honest, he is married but says he hates his wife).  I was with both of them one time each in November and now I am nine weeks pregnant. 

Possible dad number 1 is responsible and wants to be a father to the baby (but only if it is his).  Unfortunately, I don't know if I can stomach being with him....he really turns me off.

Possible Dad number 2 is pissed off and wants me to terminate immediately.  It's obvious that he now wants nothing to do with either myself or the baby.  He says he was just with me for the fun of it and that is all.  He says I am being selfish by having the baby when I shouldn't (according to him).  He doesn't want his home life ruined by this.  He is no longer talking to me.

I realize that I have made a huge mistake and I don't need any judging please.  I had been going through an incredibly tough year battling depression after losing my $90k job and I was doing dumb things to get my mind off of it. I guess I am just venting and seeing if anyone has any advice.   I want to have the baby, but I am sad that it is under  the worst possible conditions.

Re: Pregnant under worst possible conditions : (

  • Know this....you are not alone!!!

    We are all here to support you!!

  • That is rough.  I was reading that you can get paternity testing done before the baby is born.  (Not sure HOW all that works, where to get it done, or how much is costs) but it might ease your mind a little if you can answer the question of who the Father is.

    Guy #2 may have said those things out of hurt, but not really meant them.  Either way...I am sure it was rough hearing that you were seeing someone else around the same time you were seeing him.

    Take a deep breath and make taking care of yourself and the baby your FIRST priority.

  • No judging here honey.  Listen to what your "gut" tells you and you will have your answer.  Everyone has issues and drama.  Everyone has made questionable choices but are not brave enough to openly talk about them.

     

    I was married before for 7 years and we had a child...we divorced after he cheated on me several times.  I was single for many years then got married 8 years later..that was 2+ years ago.  My current husband and I have a 16 month old and I just found out I am pregnant again.  Right after we got married he stopped trying, his jealousy became out of control and we never do anything together.  My 19 year old sister died in september and he was jealous of people sending me text or FB messages offering condolences.  Horrible.  It was the last straw and that was the beginning of the end.  I have told him it was over at least 4 times but he is so dense he thinks he can "try" for a few days and everything is fine.  I was waiting until after the holidays to totally end it then I found out I am pregnant.  That baffles me too...I make him use protection....btw, yes we still have occasional sex...it is good!

     So now that I am pregnant he thinks we will stay together but I just don't love him anymore.  IDK what to do. 

  • Thanks,  I may or may not do the paternity test.  I'm going to take it one day at a time for now.  As one of my friends said...after refusing to use protection now he refuses to be a father.  So much for integrity.  Anyhow, I am focusing only on the aby now.
  • Thanks for sharing....that sounds rough too.  Best of luck to you.
  • We all do dumb things...so no one has any right to judge! :) MY two cents...I am 23, and had my first one in September.  I cant stomach the thought of bein with Connor's father either...the sex was gooood but thats where it ended, really.  I maintain a civil relationship w/him, ONLY for Connor though.  I think you should keep the baby.  If it is daddy number one, then great!   You dont have to "be" with the daddy--just be nice to him for your baby.  if it's daddy number two, then great too! You get a sweet, precious baby that will love you more than anything else.  He doesnt have to be involved...you dont need him.  You can do this by yourself, although it will be one of the most hard things youve ever done in your life.  Hope this helps. Good luck.
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  • image Tesoro71:
    Thanks,  I may or may not do the paternity test.  I'm going to take it one day at a time for now.  As one of my friends said...after refusing to use protection now he refuses to be a father.  So much for integrity.  Anyhow, I am focusing only on the aby now.

    You could have refused to have sex with him, where exactly is your integrity in this mess?  There's just no need to go 'there' with either of these guys.  Takes 2 to tango and all that.

    If either of the potential fathers pushes the issue, you might not have a choice about doing a paternity test.  You might want to consult someone with legal expertise in this area to understand your rights and responsibilities.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • So, when you say you are not planning to do a paternity test, what do you mean? You will not seek involvement or child support from any of the guys, right because it will be very fucked up to claim that one of the guys is the father when you are not even sure. 

    Since when this board because a non judgement place? Yes, we all make dumb mistakes but having unprotected sex with a married man goes beyond a dumb and naive mistake.

    I really hope you are in therapy and talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. Also stop dating for a while You need to learn to make better decisions.   


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  • Wow, thanks..I feel so much better now, thanks for the support.  I hope I can be as flawless as you one day.  Until you've walked a mile in my shoes and know all the details don't think you know me enough to judge me please.
  • image haleyanna19:
    We all do dumb things...so no one has any right to judge! :) MY two cents...I am 23, and had my first one in September.  I cant stomach the thought of bein with Connor's father either...the sex was gooood but thats where it ended, really.  I maintain a civil relationship w/him, ONLY for Connor though.  I think you should keep the baby.  If it is daddy number one, then great!   You dont have to "be" with the daddy--just be nice to him for your baby.  if it's daddy number two, then great too! You get a sweet, precious baby that will love you more than anything else.  He doesnt have to be involved...you dont need him.  You can do this by yourself, although it will be one of the most hard things youve ever done in your life.  Hope this helps. Good luck.

    I agree with this. You definitely shouldn't let some a-hole who may or may not be the father dictate to you whether you keep the baby or not. He had a sexual relationship with you for "fun" while married, and being that he's a grown man, he should recognize the consequences - i.e., his marriage potentially being ruined. (Not pinning it all on him, but you get my drift). 

    Good luck to you. Single motherhood is scary, but so many women do it, so you know it's not impossible. (That's what I keep telling myself, anyway lol) 

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  • It's not whats behind you that counts we are all human look ahead and be strong for your baby. You can do this. I'd be very wary about paternity testing during pregnancy there may be miscarriage risk. Otherwise wish you good luck and happiness.
  • Does dad 2 have other children? Was he planning on getting divorced? He may be upset by the fact that now he has to make some life changes that he was avoiding. I pray it all works out for you!
  • Awe :(

    Pregnancy's hard with out all the added stress you're under. I personally believe everything happens for a reason. Despite the crappy circumstances your baby will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. I'm sure things will work out in the end. Just keep good people around you and don't stress, what's done is done and you get a miracle out of a mistake.

    Good luck 

  • Good luck to you and dont make any rash decisions because u still have a lotttt of time left. Ps- some people on the bump seem to be EXTREMELY judgemental and I am sorry but the person without sin can cast the first stone??? Eff you dumb b who comes onto blogs just to make people feel bad. Get a life.
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  • I wish I could delete all the negative msgs because hearing it isnt helping you! Im in a situation where Im alone and all I do is obsess about making the mistakes Ive made. I used to constantly feel down about my situation and want to kick myself for being smart but making such a mistake! But...Its pointless to beat yourself up about it.

    Everything happens for a reason.. But get passed the feeling bad part and realise that you have a gift inside of you growing very fast : )    You are responsible for that blessing and need to take good care of yourself. So try to make plans of how you will do things. Everything else will fall into place. It always does!

    Remember the baby feels everything you feel so you cant feel guilty and bad about yourself. What happened has happened you cant change the past. Love yourself, being understanding of yourself.  Just be happy in this moment and plan for the future. Maybe you can get some counseling? You have to get in a good emotional place. So maybe tell Daddy #1 Lets be friends? If that is not possible tell both of them you will contact them when the baby is born. Until then Get yourself in a better place. You cant be in a bad low place!

    You are worth alot! Your happiness and Wellbeing are very important. Your baby is counting on you to be the best you can be. Start taking steps in that direction NOW

  • Sounds like #2 had no intention of leaving his wife and is mad that he may have to explain to his wife that he is paying money to support a child he had in an affair. Be prepared for them to cast you as a horrible person and a home wrecker when she finds out.

    You can possibly get the paternity testing done if you decide to have an amniocentesis, but some doctors won't do it and you would have to get one to consent. They will probably encourage you to get it done because of your age to test for genetic conditions like downs syndrome.

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