3rd Trimester

Moms of 2+ or about to be 2+...

If you had a hospital birth, how did you and your older LO(s) do with being apart for a few days?

My DS is about to turn 2, and DD is being born tomorrow. My mom is staying with DS and we will have to leave before he wakes up in the morning. I didn't realize how emotional I would be about it.  I'm not worried about my mom watching him, they're very close, but I feel horrible leaving for 2 days, hopefully no more, when I can't explain to him why.  He will come up to visit once or twice; I want him to but I feel like that will make it even harder.

I know I am a little over-emotional about it. I hate how I feel like I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because of it.

Just wondering if any been-there-done-that moms can say how it was for them, or if any other moms who are about to have LO #2 are feeling the same way.


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Re: Moms of 2+ or about to be 2+...

  • This LO is going to be 2 for us and I'm definitely feeling the same way. Mama guilt is tough!!! I know DS1 will be ok but I feel like we are about to completely turn his world upside down. He's just a few months over 2 so he really doesn't get what's happening. Hugs to you! We will get through it! :

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  • My kids love spending the night with their grandparents so it wasn't a problem.  Make a big deal about how they are going to get special grandparent time.
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  • i know how you feel :( Luckily, my bunny boy LOVES grandma/grandpa time (prob bc they spoil him rotten ahaha) so I'm not too worried about it...I'll just really miss him :( it's nice to have a night with just the hubby, but the next am i'm always so anxious and excited for the grandparents to bring him home!! haha my poor kid-he never gets to stay long at grandparent's houses haha  

    I'm worried about the transition of a new baby into the family...my 2 will barely be 14 months apart...I feel like my oldest is still too little to understand the concept of a new baby sister...

  • DD is 3.5 so we've explained what will happen and why and she is beyond excited about spending a few nights at her grandparents for a sleep over. :)
    Sammie born 04/23/09! Peanut allergy/Avoiding Tree Nutsimage



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  • I definitely understand how you're feeling.  Right now I'm a little anxious about leaving DS, but it's not really at the forefront of my mind, you know?  When it comes down to it I know I'm going to be emotional and worried about it.  I'm really hoping we're only going to stay one night at the hospital, but I'm also attempting a VBAC so we'll see what happens.  It's rare that I leave DS for any amount of time.  He's only stayed overnight at my parents' house a handful of times (he does fine with it). 
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  • I'm in the same situation. My son is 2 and a half and we just moved so I don't know anyone here yet that I feel ok with leaving my son with and ideally I would love someone to stay here since he is so dependent his bed and routine. And to make things so much better my husband has to go away for work the week I'm due. They said when I go in to labor they will have me send him a red cross message and will send him home. By the time that happeneds I will already have ds#2. We will have my DH'S grandma come up but that will be right around my due date so if I go early I hav know idea what I will do. Me stressed... Never! 
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  • I had to be in L&D for 24 hours for monitoring a couple of weeks ago and Jack was ok.  It was harder on me than it was on him (although DH did say he kept asking, "Mummy come home soon?" every five minutes).  I will say that it was a little tough for him when he came to visit me bc I wanted to snuggle him but he was a little freaked out by the IV and monitors all connected to me.  He definitely wasn't sure what to make of the situation.  But after delivery it should be fine.
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  • We had to leave DS on Christmas morning before he woke up. (We were stayinig with my in-laws an hour away from home to celebrate the holidays when my water broke.) It was a lot harder on me and DH missing him opening his presents and stocking, than it was on him. My in-laws are great and sent us lots of pics and videos throughout the morning, but it was sad to miss. DH left the hospital in the afternoon to go get DS and bring him down to meet the baby, etc. and my in-laws brought "Christmas" to us in the hospital later that evening.

    DH ended up staying the night at home with DS and coming back to the hospital in the morning while his sister stayed at our house. That was our plan all along, and while I was a little lonely, it made me feel better that DS was able to have his same bedtime routine. FWIW, we live 5 minutes from the hospital.

    ETA: Best of luck to you tomorrow!

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  • If you know you're having the baby tomorrow, why can't you explain to him that you won't be there before he goes to bed tonight?  I know that he won't truly 'get' it, but I do think that toddlers can understand more than we give them credit for.  It can't hurt to prep him and explain what's going on.  I'm sure there will be a small connection somewhere in the back of his mind.

    I think it'll help you feel better, too.

    I do understand the emotion behind it, though.  When DD1 and I do stuff together, sometimes I get emotional because our truly alone time together is coming to an end.  

    GL! 

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  • Hm, I'm not really worried about this at all. DD loves staying with MIL and FIL, she stays overnight about once a month. She'll be in hog heaven with them. 
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  • Definitely explain to him what is going on, he will probably understand and retain more than you think.  I understand though, I'm still a couple months away from having this LO and it's already stressing me out.  DD stays overnight with the ILs occasionally and does fine, and for the birth, my parents will be coming to stay at our house with her while I'm in the hospital so that we dont have to disrupt her routine any more than necessary.  I know she will be just fine, I think its more the thought of ME missing HER that is upsetting for me.  We live really close to the hospital though, so my mom will be able to bring her up as much as we want.

    I figure it wont be that bad, people do it all the time and I've never heard of any toddlers being scarred for life from being away from mom for a couple of nights :) 

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  • My kid had no issues, but she was already doing overnights at the time. She started just after her first birthday because I was really sick with my second pregnancy. The day I started my labor my inlaws came over, had pizza, and took her home. She stay for 3 days and then came back.

    FWIW -- I didn't have my child visit me. I know that is uncommon but I really didn't think she's get anything out of it. Hospitals are both boring and a little scary. I went in late on Sunday night and came home wednesday I think. My daughter came home late wednesday (after her nap).

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  • My daughter will be turning two a month before the baby is supposed to get here, so I totally understand how you're feeling. She's pretty independent but I have a harder time leaving her as a toddler than I did when she was a baby. 
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  • My DD was almost two at the time, and we were away from family so she spent the first night at her friends house and had a blast. My husband got her the next day and she visted us in the hospital, she seems a little weirded out but did just fine. Have a positive out look about the situation, and hopefully that will rub off. In the end my DD had a fun sleepover, one on one time with her dad, a new brother, and was given more doses of specail attention so she wouldn't feel too left out. I am sure there was a lot of confusion, and maybe sadness on her part. Such is life, and they are best of buddies now so it was all for the best. With my third and now with my fourth I am not worried, probably because I have been there done that, and in the end it all works out, and we manage to be one big happy family :)
     
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  • DD was fine when DS was born, but a little confused when she came to visit at the hospital, but she was not even 14months. This time around I'm not sure what to expect, they go to preschool a few days a week and we have a babysitter on occasion, but DH travels a lot so they depend on me for everything. Family is all far away as we are a I litany family, so we'll have our sitter with th kids during my csection, then they'll be with daddy for a few days/nights... Hopefully all will go well, but who knows!?
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