Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Have another? Yes, no, maybe?

Is it normal to have confusion over having another baby? My son had a lot of problems when he was an infant. He had acid reflux and colicky. My husband and I both decided not have another I even had an IUD put in. Well now my son is almost a year old and Im having feelings of wanting another.. It actually makes me really confused because I know financially we cant afford it, then i feel like my son would have a better life if he was an only child. Then on the other hand I feel selfish because I dont want him to be lonely once my husband and I are gone.. Anyone else have another baby confusion?

Re: Have another? Yes, no, maybe?

  • We're currently undecided. We've always planned on two, but because we live in such an expensive area, we know we could afford more luxuries and eventually own a home if we didn't have a second. But I wanted to wait at least three years in between kids, so we still have time to decide and see where we are financially then.
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  • H and I know we want two, and we are TTC #2 right now, but even still we sometimes doubt if we are doing the "right" thing financially, etc. So yes, I think it's normal to be confused, irregardless of what side of the fence you are on.
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  • I think you just need to give yourself a little more time especially if your son is less than a yr old.  Maybe give it another 6 months to a yr to consider it?


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  • Well, if you can't afford it you shouldn't even be entertaining the idea of having another child right now. I think your child would rather grow up in an environment where his parents can adequately provide for him vs having a sibling he may or may not like when you pass on.

    With that being said, if your financial position changes for the better in the future then you can put some serious thought into whether to have another child or not. I'm guessing that you're getting baby fever since your child is nearing 1 which means he's not a baby anymore. This is common and it may pass with time.

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  • I have 1. Would never have another even if someone gave me a million dollars.
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  • image AshleyMF1983:
    I have 1. Would never have another even if someone gave me a million dollars.

    I would have a 2nd if someone gave me a million dollars.  Since that is probably not going to happen, we're 1 and done.  I know that the financial strain of a second would be very stressful and I want to protect the happiness of my marriange and provide a good life for my DS.

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  • We're definitely going to try for one more, hopefully 2.  But honestly, I agree with PPs who have said that you can wait a little before making the decision.  Unless there is some hard and fast deadline, just give yourself some more time.  I think the whole going back and forth on having another is normal.  I'm 100% sure I want another and there are still times when I think about how much easier it's getting with DS and wonder if I'm crazy.

    For us, financial considerations are the driving factor in our timing.  Childcare costs are huge, so we have to plan accordingly for that.  DH and I both just got raises, so we are hoping to put money away in preparation for trying to get pregnant around the beginning of 2014.  

    If I had unlimited resources, I'd have 5 kids without thinking twice....

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  • We are one and done. We both initially talked about having 2 or 3 kids, but have both decided we don't want another. DH was a little apprehensive about telling me, too, but was relieved when I felt the exact same way. Once my IUD is close to the 5 year cap, he's going to get snipped.
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  • DH and I talked a lot before we decided to have #3.  We wanted to make sure we could do it financially because we didn't want the kids to grow up in a household that was always worried about money or lead to arguements about money.  However, there is a difference between not being able to afford another child and having to be frugle to be able to afford it.  If you really can't afford it then I would say to enjoy your family and not put your family through the financial stress.  If you could make it work by having a better budget then I say have another because DD and DS have a BLAST together.  They do fight over toys and what not, but they hug on each other all the time.  Best of luck making your decision.
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  • I would like another and yet I find the baby stage daunting.  I'd like near 3 yrs separation between my babes, but due to advanced age (and previous difficulties) will go start TTC#2 when DD is ~18 mos.  If I get pg I would be thrilled (yea! baby!) and scared (OMG we're doing this again).  If I don't get pg I would be disappointed (no baby) but relieved (we get to continue sleeping).

    GL with your choice and future! Smile

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  • image krptcmschfmkr128:
    H and I know we want two, and we are TTC #2 right now, but even still we sometimes doubt if we are doing the "right" thing financially, etc. So yes, I think it's normal to be confused, irregardless of what side of the fence you are on.

    This is us, too.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I also feel like #2 won't be AS expensive because we have a lot of stuff we'll be re-using.  I'm also all about getting stuff at yard (tag) sales, too, so I got a LOT of his clothes for super-cheap (some yard sales to 10 cents or 50 cents an item, which is AWESOME for something like a babygap hoodie.  :) 

    Also, we haven't noticed the expense of a baby because we don't go OUT nearly as much anymore.  We used to  go out a LOT on weekends, so $50 for dinner, $50 at the bar... it adds up!  That's diapers for a few weeks in these parts now...

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  • I didn't want any originally but then we had our surprise child DS... that being said now I want one of each lol thank God we got our girl this time because I definitely wouldn't do three

    the only major expense I'm worried about is college.... it's so hard to save right now...

    plus I think it won't be so hard the second time around since you already know what to expect... well mostly :) 

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  • image SoxFan777:

    ... we don't go OUT nearly as much anymore.  We used to  go out a LOT on weekends, so $50 for dinner, $50 at the bar... it adds up!  That's diapers for a few weeks in these parts now...

    Same here. Yes, babies are expensive but our DD keeps us home a lot more than we were before. We used to go out to dinner or pick up food almost every night after work and that has completely stopped since DD goes to bed around 7 pm and DH doesn't get off until 6. This more than pays for the extra food and diapers we now have to buy.

    I am obviously having another and it was really scary at first, but I keep telling myself that this phase does not last forever. We are switching to a less expensive chilcare provider and eventually they will both be in school which will significantly reduce our childcare costs.

     

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  • Massive confusion.  It is definitely the hardest question of my life and has been almost plaguing me for the past year and a half.  It's just not an obvious answer to all of us.
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  • I think it is normal. I thought I originally wanted 2 kids. DH, as well. After a perfect pregnancy, DS was a preemie. Life in the NICU for those weeks were very hard on us. I still don't know if that's why I have changed my mind but I am 99% for one & done. 

    As he keeps growing up, I am happy to enter new stages of his development. Honestly, I don't think I want to repeat some with another child. I am also in just complete & utter awe of my son that I really don't desire another child.

    I am not sure if this will change in the future but DS is 16 months & my feelings haven't changed as of yet.

    Oh & in regards to finances, if you can't afford it, don't do it. It might put a strain in your marriage & you/DH might blame LO2 for it subconsciously, KWIM? I would hate to do that to another child. Also, in reference to him feeling alone once you/DH are gone, I'm sure he will grow up with many friends he makes from school/work, also his significant other he finds. I wouldn't use that as a deciding factor.

    GL either way! 

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  • We were really undecided because I get Hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) with my pregnancies. We had originally talked about spacing them 2 years apart and then accidentally got pregnant this time around, which will put them at almost exactly 2 years apart. I'm over the evil part of this pregnancy but we will NOT be having any more after this one. My husband will be getting a vasectomy. 
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  • Wow, for someone who didn't want any, you had 2 pretty fast!
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