March 2013 Moms

Thoughts on having a "Sprinkle" for STMs?

I'm just curious what people's thoughts are. My MIL and Mom were discussing on Christmas the idea of having a Sprinkle, or small shower, for me. This is my second and it's another girl (Yay! Just found that out on Christmas Eve!!) so I really hardly need anything. I did make a small amazon registry mostly for myself to keep straight what I need to buy, I wasn't really planning on sharing it with anyone except maybe Mom and MIL. Personally I think another shower is totally unnecessary but they say it's more for them and would just be my closest friends and family. I can't help but cringe a little at the idea... but what do you ladies think? Is having a "sprinkle" obnoxious or no big deal?


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Re: Thoughts on having a "Sprinkle" for STMs?

  • I've never been to one, but they do seem a bit gift grabby to me, especially with kids close in age and the same gender.

    I think if your gut reaction is to cringe, then you should go with that and decline the sprinkle. 

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  • I have to agree with that. If your family had a lunch or something where people could meet the baby that's awesome and if people brought you gifts that's great but to plan something for your second baby where people would feel obligated to purchase you something registry or not might make some guests feel uncomfortable.
  • image ashleyfrylund:
    I have to agree with that. If your family had a lunch or something where people could meet the baby that's awesome and if people brought you gifts that's great but to plan something for your second baby where people would feel obligated to purchase you something registry or not might make some guests feel uncomfortable.

    I agree with this.

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  • Entirely a personal decision, though it also depends on what they mean by "sprinkle". If it's a full scale shower but being called a "sprinkle", yes, cringe. Though, I have attended a shower for a friend whose youngest was 5 and was pregnant with their first girl (given the family genetics, a girl was considered a statistical anomaly, so everyone was ecstatic for them)

    My circle of mom friends generally does a shower for every baby. The last one I attended, I didn't even bring a present with me and nobody batted an eye. We sat around the eat-in kitchen, eating fondue, drawing on onesies with sharpies and chatting for 3 hours before people began trickling back out. That was it. There just happened to be a few "it's a boy" mints and one balloon on the table and a small pile of presents for the mom to take home with her at the end of the night.

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  • It depends on your group of people and the area you live in. My family is doing one for me and this is my second girl. It is only my Dh and my aunts and cousins and they are all about parties. It isn't anything close to my first shower and there won't be a registry. I assume they will just give a new outfit or something small... Even without the sprinkle they would buy something so this is their chance to give it to us.

    Don't go by what a bunch of people on a message board thing... If your family would be for it then let her throw you one. It is very normal around here to have a sprinkle to celebrate a new baby. My mom and MIL insisted because they want to make this baby a big deal just as my DD
  • image sucrets4:

    I've never been to one, but they do seem a bit gift grabby to me, especially with kids close in age and the same gender.

    I think if your gut reaction is to cringe, then you should go with that and decline the sprinkle. 

    OP If YOU think they're gift grabby, why are you even considering it? ;-)

    Ditto the above! 


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  • They are not at all common in my circle of family and friends.  I probably wouldn't attend if I were invited - especially if I had already given generously for the honoree's first child. 

    I always give a gift for ANY new baby in a family regardless of birth order or gender but I dislike it when people host events like this where it is sort of expected to bring something.  To me - it is a total gift grab.

  • We did one for my best friend, it was her 3rd and she didn't know the sex, but her sister wrote a very cute poem on the invite saying that she didn't need any equipment or anything, just bring a box of diapers and spend the afternoon with the new momma.  It was a few hours where she could relax with her family and closest friends instead of chasing her other 2 around.  Plus, she was set on diapers for at least a month, probably more!
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  • image sucrets4:

    I've never been to one, but they do seem a bit gift grabby to me, especially with kids close in age and the same gender.

    I think if your gut reaction is to cringe, then you should go with that and decline the sprinkle. 

    This.  I've never been to one and honestly never heard of showers for second babies until TB.  I would pass.   

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  • image sucrets4:

    I've never been to one, but they do seem a bit gift grabby to me, especially with kids close in age and the same gender.

    I think if your gut reaction is to cringe, then you should go with that and decline the sprinkle. 

    this

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  • I think it is no big deal.  Every baby deserves to be celebrated.  The Bump ladies are notoriously against 2nd showers or sprinkles but IRL, if I get invited to a baby shower I don't care if it's the 1st or the 6th baby.  I enjoy them, and enjoy buying baby gifts.  The only qualm I have is if the 2nd time mom has a registry and it has big items on it that she obviously should already have.  I like buying cute outfits, gift cards etc. for second or more babies.

  • In my area, we have showers for every baby.  It's a little much, but people don't usually bring big gifts for the second, third, or above.  I had a baby shower in '08 for a boy, '10 for another boy, and I have been told I'm having one for this baby (it's a girl).  I have everything we need.  She has more clothes than any child should and we cloth diaper, so I'm all set.  My friends and family still want to celebrate this baby, so they are throwing one anyway.  Personally, I wouldn't tell anyone about your registry, but if they want to throw the sprinkle, and you're only inviting close friends and family, I don't see a problem with it.  But then again, it seems to be the normal thing to do in my area Smile

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  • If people are expected to buy gifts then its too gift grabby and the same as a shower.

    I love celebrating babies, but like you said.. There isn't anything you should even need. I would have a meet an greet after the baby Is born. If someone wants to bring a gift, believe me, they will.

     

  • I threw one for my SIL for her 2nd baby. She already had a girl and they found out they were having a boy for the 2nd. I did it only for the reason that she had no clothes for a boy. She didn't register. We put on the invite that Big sister had all the big things to pass down so think blue. Everyone got the hint and brought blue outfits or diapers. It was family and close friends that came. Maybe about 20-30 people (We have a big family).

    I also like the idea of a "Sip and See" for after the baby is born for STM's.

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  • image chicky1231:
    Don't go by what a bunch of people on a message board thing...

     

    You DO realize she asked for opinions, right?  That's kind of the point then.

    I've been invited to 2 sprinkles and I've managed to not go to either of them.  Both of them were for a same-sex baby within 3 years of each other, so I thought it was tacky and unnecessarily gift grabby.  And not necessarily by the poor mom, one of them that I was invited to, the MTB came down with the flu the day of so it was cancelled.  I think she caught wind of her surprise sprinkle and said "oh, hellz no".  

    Here's the way I see it: You have ALL the baby gear, you just want more outfits or want me to buy your diapers for you?  Pass.  I will bring an outfit or something cute when I come see you at home or at the hospital to meet the baby, but that's because I want to, not because I am socially obligated by some lame excuse for a party.

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  • image ashleyfrylund:
    I have to agree with that. If your family had a lunch or something where people could meet the baby that's awesome and if people brought you gifts that's great but to plan something for your second baby where people would feel obligated to purchase you something registry or not might make some guests feel uncomfortable.


    Agree with this!
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  • To elaborate, people who want to get you something for #2 will, regardless or a sprinkle or not.  

    Your mom and MIL can always take a small group of your friends out to lunch if they want to do something to 'celebrate' the baby with you and spend some time together.  But I wouldn't mention anything about gifts (not even 'no gifts necessary!' since people bring them anyway), wouldn't call it a sprinkle, and wouldn't publicize your registry.   Your friends are probably internet savvy and know how to look up a registry if they want to.

    Again, if you're cringing, then talk about your feelings with your mom and MIL.  You shouldn't be forced into doing something tacky if you're not comfortable with it.

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  • image tmsgrl:
    ...The Bump ladies are notoriously against 2nd showers... The only qualm I have is if the 2nd time mom has a registry and it has big items on it that she obviously should already have.  I like buying cute outfits, gift cards etc. for second or more babies.

    Yes, because they seem gift grabby.  Emily Post does says that a second shower/sprinkle should only be immediate relatives and close friends.  But really, if you want the gifts, someone that is close enough to you will buy you a gift whether or not you have a shower.  It seems to be our way of thinking anymore that we have to have gift giving events for everything.  But second+ showers seem to be acceptable in some groups and not in others.  My opinion is that you shouldn't expect any gifts for any baby because you're the one deciding to have children and should pay for your own child's needs.  Yes, it is nice to get gifts, but they shouldn't be expected like everyone seems to think. 

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  • image guilletskichuk:

    image ashleyfrylund:
    I have to agree with that. If your family had a lunch or something where people could meet the baby that's awesome and if people brought you gifts that's great but to plan something for your second baby where people would feel obligated to purchase you something registry or not might make some guests feel uncomfortable.

    I agree with this.

    Agreed. 

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  • In my circle, we celebrate every baby regardless of it's birth order.

    That being said, a FTM shower looks totally different than one for a 2+mom.

    They're thrown after the baby is born and there is no registry and no really big gifts like you would give a FTM (stroller, car seat, crib, etc.)

    It's really just to celebrate, coo over the baby and heck, have some fun!

    I think if it's approached in that way there is not one single thing wrong with it. No one is obligated or influenced to bring a gift (but most will anyway).

    I think it's only "gift-grabby" if there is some big registry and when it's done while you're still pregnant so people don't even get to meet the baby.

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  • "Sprinkles" are common in my area. They are much smaller and lowfuss. For my SIL, we all went out to lunch at her favorite restaurant. It was her sisters, mother, MIL, and best friend. Gifts were neither expected nor required although most of us brought an outfit or diapers because we wanted to. No decorations, games, etc. It was just nice to enjoy a meal and talk about the baby.
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  • I think it really depends on what is common in your circle of friends/family.  In my group, a sprinkle/shower for second babies is not the norm.  My group of friends will usually get together for lunch and get the mom a GC to BRU or BBB or something, but that's it.  If the thought of a "sprinkle" is making you cringe, I'd maybe say something to your mom and MIL like "oh how generous, I would love to get together with everyone, but since I have everything I need, what about a 'sip-n-see' after the baby is born and I've had a little time to recover?"
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  • I personally don't see anything wrong with them- I think every baby should be celebrated and IMO they aren't as much about the gifts as they are just to spend time with the mom and talk about baby stuff and celebrate the new edition. I will say that I do not do as big of a gift for sprinkles as I do for a FTM at a shower.

    I threw a sprinkle for a friend who was expecting her 3rd- it was very unexpected as she had IF and they were using protection (mirena, I believe) and she got pregnant anyway. She was having a tough time being excited as they truly thought their family was complete at 2 and she had given away all their baby stuff. I only invited maybe 10 people total (family and a few close friends) about 6 people attended and it was just a small brunch at my house. I think the biggest present she got was a ju ju be diaper bag from her mom. She got mostly cute outfits and a few cheaper baby items and diapers. It was nice- it was a break for the other mom attendee's (an excuse to go out sans kids) and we just talked about baby stuff, names, etc. I don't think it was gift grabby at all and I rarely view any shower as gift grabby unless its someone who I barely know inviting me to something. If its for a friend I generally know the person well enough to realize that it's not their intent if that makes sense. 

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  • I will have a 2 year old when this baby is born (team green so not sure about the sex). I live 4 hours from family so we will do a little meet the baby get together at someone's house but it won't be intended as a gift giving event (although second showers do happen in my circle often). 
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  • Thanks so much for all the feedback, you all definitely helped me make my decision! I'm going to pass on the sprinkle. I think it's silly in my situation to have one and I really don't want to obligate anybody to buying me anything. I was feeling bad for refusing my Mom and MIL since they seemed excited about the idea, but I just don't feel comfortable with it. Thanks again!


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  • Since Mom and MIL want to organize something-- and since you already have a LO (me too!)-- ask them to organize a "fill the freezer" get together or to put together a schedule of family/friends to bring you food (and play with your older child!) when baby arrives. Sure, you don't "need" baby stuff, but there are plenty of things that a STM does need, like help making sure her whole family is cared for when she's a little busy with the newest part of it!
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