June 2013 Moms

The choice - cube work or house work?

I think I would like to stay home and raise this baby, and any other babies we have.

This being my first - I really have no idea what is going on, or what will happen.  I have set myself up to take a pretty serious leave from work (over 6 months) to give me enough time to chose.

What helped you decide? 

 

Re: The choice - cube work or house work?

  • Whether you work or not, you will be the one raising your child.

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  • I plan on continuing to work outside the home. I think I'd be bored at home, but it's really an individual choice. I know it will be hard, but I think I'll be a better mother by continuing to work outside the home. I think it will give me a greater sense of fulfillment. Not everyone, though, feels that way, and I could even find I change my mind once I'm actually in that situation. 
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  • I really not have to decide. It's not an option for me not to go back to work. I'll take the summer off and go back after Labor Day.
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  • I knew I wanted to stay home for basically forever. Sadly our bank account won't ever allow that lol. LSS I am a wahm. It's a nice balance because I get little breaks of 'me' time when I have shoots, but I don't have to be gone from him all day all the time.

    Something I think is important to point out though, is that almost every mom I have ever talked to about it agrees that you have no idea how you will really feel until after the baby is here. Many girls who thought they would never want to stay home end up having a horribly traumatic time going back to work, or they thought they wanted to stay home but end up losing their minds and go back after all. You never really know how you will feel until the baby is born.

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  • I don't have a choice, I have to go back to work after the baby is born. 
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  • I really like my job and they are flexible in allowing me to work part time, mon thru thu. My income keeps us from going in the negative every month and allows my son to go to a decent preschool where he gets the socialization that he needs, along with college savings and a couple of vacations a year. I am also staying on a career path, which I find very satisfying. Sometimes it's totally crazy being a working mom with a hefty commute but it's definitely what is right for our family.
  • image Dumbledore:

    Something I think is important to point out though, is that almost every mom I have ever talked to about it agrees that you have no idea how you will really feel until after the baby is here. Many girls who thought they would never want to stay home end up having a horribly traumatic time going back to work, or they thought they wanted to stay home but end up losing their minds and go back after all. You never really know how you will feel until the baby is born.

    This! I had a really, really hard time going back to work after DS was born and never thought I would. At the time, I actually had the best of both worlds -- I worked nights (12 am-9 am) so I got to be with DS during the day until DH got home from work at 5pm. It was nice the first few months, but I couldn't sustain that lifestyle and the lack of sleep. DS is now in daycare full-time and I work 8-5.

    In an ideal world, I would want to stay home the first 6 months with this baby then transition to daycare. But, I don't think we could take that financial hit. For our family, it's best if both DH and I work; otherwise we would have to make some major lifestyle changes.

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  • Best of both worlds here- I run a small business from home, so I do both.  My decision process was based on the fact that working for someone else got old, quick- and the fact that we believe in creating the life you want to live- and this is how I want to do it!  I tried the sahm thing, but needed adult interaction, and I tried the career thing but missed my son- so I do both now.  Love it!

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  • image QueSyrah:
    Whether you work or not, you will be the one raising your child.

    This. It is a huge insult to any working mom to say they are not raising their child.

    Also it wasn't and may not be an option for my family for me to stay at home. We rely on both incomes to run our household.

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  • I'm trying to figure that out myself. I'm currently in temporary position with no benefits. My DH and i just started day care or me staying home. I honestly don't know which one I'll choose.


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  • I would love, love, love to stay at home with my sweet baby, but unfortunately we can't afford that. My DH never finished college and I make twice he makes! :( I have to go back to work!

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  • image WAMOM:

    image QueSyrah:
    Whether you work or not, you will be the one raising your child.

    This. It is a huge insult to any working mom to say they are not raising their child.

    Also it wasn't and may not be an option for my family for me to stay at home. We rely on both incomes to run our household.

    Yes I agree, women get bashed for working saying they aren't raising their child and stay at home moms get bashed saying they don't do anything to contribute financially, we never win.

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  • Being home is fun however find a good hobby and mommy group to join for play dates. They saved my sanity!
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  • I will be working but hopefully just part time at a better paying job.  I want to work around people in our families schedules and my husbands so we don't have to pay for daycare. I get paid so little now at my full time job that daycare would cost more than half my salary. Not worth it to me.
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  • With my first, I was running a business, so I was able to take her to the office with me. She eventually started daycare about 2-2.5. She really needed more excitement than I could provide at the office (and other kids to play with).

    With my second, my husband quit his job to be a SAHD. I never took any leave, so there was no adjustment period for going "back" to work.

    For this new one, I'll continue working, but we haven't exactly nailed down how the schedule is going to work. I can work from home 2 days a week, and DH can work from home up to 3 days a week, so we will likely just alternate schedules and then maybe have a nanny (or grandma) come over to help out during the day.

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  • image I Love my Dave:
    image WAMOM:

    image QueSyrah:
    Whether you work or not, you will be the one raising your child.

    This. It is a huge insult to any working mom to say they are not raising their child.

    Also it wasn't and may not be an option for my family for me to stay at home. We rely on both incomes to run our household.

    Yes I agree, women get bashed for working saying they aren't raising their child and stay at home moms get bashed saying they don't do anything to contribute financially, we never win.



    That wasn't what I meant by my comment. I'm sorry if you took it that way. If I could stay at home I would in a heartbeat.

    I do agree this argument can be a very touchy one.

    DS born 7/24/11     DD born 5/14/13

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  • For me, it was financial and time restraints that really made the decision. The ridiculous cost of daycare around here wouldn't have left much of my salary to spare. I also commuted 1.5 hours each way and thus had very long days; I would've seen my kid maybe an hour a day, and I wasn't okay with that.

    But I also knew that I wanted to stay home. It was what I preferred, and I knew I could handle it and keep my sanity and my independence. I have several friends who absolutely need to work to keep sane, and they knew this about themselves and knew they needed to go back to work.

    So, my advice is to make sure you know yourself well enough to know what you'd prefer to do. You need to be happy; you can't take care of anyone if you're not taking care of yourself. Really consider what will be better for you...but also be aware that your feelings may change once baby is here, like Dumble said. Finances are obviously important to consider, too. And ditto Que; you will still be raising your own kid, whether you're home with him/her or not. Good luck.
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  • I've no choice. SO can afford all the bills and rent on his paycheck but we wouldn't be able to provide things for LO if I don't work as well. The cost of living in this area is very high.
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  • I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM, but it wasn't right for us financially.  When DS was born I switched to PT (3 days/week) and it was a great balance for us.  I now WFH PT (4 days/week) and my job is completely flexible.  I definitely know that I made the right decision for myself and my family.

    I agree with PP's that I wouldn't make any decision until after the baby is born.  6 months will be plenty of time for you to decide what you want to do.

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