January 2013 Moms

Inevitable Family Blowout- vent

Long story short, DH informed my MIL that we'd hired a doula in the worst way. Instead of taking her to lunch or a separate one-on-one phone call, he brought it up in front of the entire family. Keep in mind that MIL has provided her thoughts on EVERYTHING from what breast pump to get, her irritation that we're not learning the gender, our registry, etc. Of course there were comments and I was offended at the response of my teenage SIL. 36 weeks pregnant, tired and frustrated with my husband, I sort of pulled a "it's time to go" an stormed out. Not my finest hour, but I've had it with the advice and comments.

The next morning I get a partially apologetic text from MIL, hubs texts her back telling her to stop with the commentary, just be a supportive grandmother, etc. They go back and forth, SIL then starts sending texts- it's a mess. I don't like that this has happened but on the other hand, it's almost a relief. So now neither of us want to go over there for Christmas and I'm fine with the much needed space. She seems to be more concerned with her own feelings and ego than with the fact that we are literally weeks away from having a baby. 

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Re: Inevitable Family Blowout- vent

  • Sorry about all that unnecessary stress. It's good that you're setting up a boundary though. Hopefully she now knows where the line is. I understand completely. I wish I had an excuse to not go to my mothers because she's letting my drugged out sister come to town for the holidays. I personally think it would be better for her kids mental health I she just stayed away not to mention it will safe is the time of making sure she hasn't stolen anything. The problem I have is DH doesn't want me to be around her at all but I do want to see my mother and niece an nephew for Christmas. But DH thinks that they made their choice and they chose to see her instead of us. I refuse to go over for a holiday occasion once before because of her and it tore my mom to pieces. Holidays should not be this stressful....
  • Sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like your husband is handling it well though, minus the initial screwup. at least you two are on the same page! Hope you have a nice relaxing Christmas.
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  • Sorry you have to deal with this. Why the heck does it matter to them whether you hired a doula or not? Seems totally ridiculous and none of their business whatsoever. Good luck with the drama and enjoy the holidays with your DH!
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  • image jjr1214:
    Sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like your husband is handling it well though, minus the initial screwup. at least you two are on the same page! Hope you have a nice relaxing Christmas.

    Totally familiar with sisters getting involved in Mom's battles. It does sound like your DH is on your side. Hopefully in the spirit of the season, you can accept her half-apology and move forward. You're about to have a precious baby!

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  • image jeggomyeggo:

    image jjr1214:
    Sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like your husband is handling it well though, minus the initial screwup. at least you two are on the same page! Hope you have a nice relaxing Christmas.

    Totally familiar with sisters getting involved in Mom's battles. It does sound like your DH is on your side. Hopefully in the spirit of the season, you can accept her half-apology and move forward. You're about to have a precious baby!

    cursed voice of reason...

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  • I am so sorry that you're dealing with this tension during Christmas.  I'm sure you are dreading seeing them again.  It is SO frustrating dealing with family who can't put their own feelings aside to make a stressful time easier for you.  

    I'm with everyone else about setting boundaries now.  Draw the line at what kind of unsolicited advice you'll accept and what you won't.  My mother is a control freak, so I get my own share of advice that if not followed, I'll be harassed until I do what she says or I'll be condemned as a bad mother/wife/daughter, etc.  

    DH and I have set boundaries and will continue to do so probably until the end of time!

     

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  • Yikes. So sorry this happened - it sounds awful, but like you said in your subject line "inevitable" given how your MIL has been behaving and the fact that YH slipped up and dropped the doula news on her in public.

    You are a trooper for putting up with her "opinions" for so long - hopefully this event caused her to realize how inappropriate her comments are and she'll keep them to herself from now on.

    I hope she comes to her senses and realizes that being a grandmother is much more important to focus on than how the baby gets here (ie, how you give birth) and it might be helpful for YH to call her and have a general discussion with her about his expectations for her behavior moving forward.


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