October 2012 Moms

Vent

I have been back at work for 2 weeks now. And am working 5 days in a row. Like a "normal" job. And my dad recently told me that I needed to get someone to help out at least one day because I work 5 days straight. I am a bartender and typically go in around 3 with a 39 minute commute and get off between 8 10 with another 30 min commute.

My anxiety is already increasing daily because out house is a mess and I feel like I can't keep up with my chores and the baby plus get ready for work.

Now because he said that I feel like I can ask for anymore help. They don't help at all when I'm home, just when I have to go to work. This is fine. But I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do. I know we could probably use help, but I can't afford it and I don't think it's their place to pay for it.

I need to go talk to whomever it is with the state to see about my options. I knew being a single parent with no support from the other half would be hard. But I never imagined I would feel like I'm slowly suffocating and drowning.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic. But it just hit like a ton of bricks.

Re: Vent

  • Sorry you are dealing with a crappy situation and only semi helpful parents. Do you have any friends you could trade child care with? You help them out on your day off, they help you one day a week? It might ruin one of your days off, but it will give your parents the break they are requesting.

    I'm sure you've probably thought of this...what about lo's dads family?

    Hope you find some help!
    image
    BFP #1 11/2009 natural m/c 1/2010 10 wks
    BFP #2 1/27/2012 He's here!! 

  • Why aren't you getting child support from the baby's father?
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  • image The_Jen626:
    Why aren't you getting child support from the baby's father?

    This. Sorry you are dealing with this but he needs to be helping. If he isn't willing to then you need to take him to court. It shouldn't all fall to you.



  • image MrsNorry:

    image The_Jen626:
    Why aren't you getting child support from the baby's father?

    This. Sorry you are dealing with this but he needs to be helping. If he isn't willing to then you need to take him to court. It shouldn't all fall to you.



    Absolutely. He doesn't need to be involved in LO's life, but he does need to contribute financially.
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  • Ok a bit of background. LOs dad abandoned me/us when I was two months pg. all my family lives in the Pacific NW and my parents were in the process of moving here when I found out I was pg. I moved with them so I wouldn't be trapped in the Midwest with few friends and no family. So I moved west in April. LOs dad and his family all live in the Midwest. He has had nothing to do with us since I was 2 months pg.

    To make a future family easy for me I decided, with guidance from a lawyer to not claim paternity or pursue support. As it would not be worth the hassle and fighting. And it would give LOs dad automatic 50 custody in the state I live in. Also I would end up paying him support because I have more benefits than he does.

    Also, he got married 3 weeks after I had baby H.


  • I think you should consult another lawyer. 18 years of support will make a major difference in your child's life. If you went to court you would likely win primary custody (sounds like the father isn't that interested) and then you would get child support, not him. And to be fair, if you child's father isn't dangerous, what is the problem with him being in the child's life?

    Anyway that's just an aside. Like I said, I would ask for a second opinion because that one doesn't sit right with me at all, but maybe it truly is the best thing for your situation.

    I would definitely try to get WIC and whatever assistance you can. I know in my state you can't get certain benefits unless you have filed for child support, so something to consider.

    Since you work off hours, maybe you can find another mother who works an opposite shift and barter childcare?

     Good luck.

    DD 9/15/12
  • The lawyer I talked to is a family law specialist and was recommended by my ob. But I'll see what someone else has to say.

    We decided that was the best option should I find someone in the future who wants to marry me and adopt baby H. Not having him involved would make that process easier.

    He is they type of guy that regardless of it he ever spent time with his son or not and no matter if he owed rearage or not, he would never let another man adopt baby H if they wanted to. Now he has never met his son or expressed desire to, but he would make any efforts to move on very difficult if I decided to take legal action.

    And he may not put baby H in physical danger, but he is an alcoholic and a drug user.

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