March 2013 Moms

Would you go to this funeral?

One of the managers at my work passed away unexpectedly last weekend and her funeral is tomorrow.  I'm on the fence about going because I have a million other things that I could/should be doing.  I work for a large national agency, with 300 people at my location alone.  She was the head manager for my department (about 60 people) with 2 levels of management under her and then people like me-non managers.  They are expecting 300-500 people at this funeral, with some expected to travel 100+ miles, because she was so well respected and liked.  A lot of the people from my work are going because they started with her 20 years ago before she went through the ranks.  I didn't know her that well, although we did have work discussions in the past.  So ultimately, I'd be going to support my co-workers and represent my office, but with so many people expected to attend, I wouldn't be missed if I didn't go.  WWYD? 

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Re: Would you go to this funeral?

  • I would just send a card and flowers.
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  • image littlelyralover:
    I would just send a card and flowers.
  • image mrsweeber:
    image littlelyralover:
    I would just send a card and flowers.

    Ditto this. Or give money towards a food platter for the family to have at the funeral home, etc. But I don't think it's absolutely necessary that you attend.

  • I agree- or send a donation to a charitable organization in her name. 
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  • image Kota26:
    I agree or send a donation to a charitable organization in her name.nbsp;


    I wouldnt go. I like this and mrsweeber's suggestion. Especially since she passed unexpectedly, I would think the family would have done something to direct donations. They also may have done what a lot of folks are doing now, which is saying "in lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to..." and it's usually a charity or the persons church.

    I would not send flowers, having lost a parent we were inundated with flowers, many of them potted plants, and it was overwhelming. the cut arrangements die which is depressing and we had so many potted ones we had to beg people to take them. I'm assuming as well liked as you say she was and the number of people attending they'd appreciate not getting flowers as most people will do that out of habit.

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  • Thanks for your advice.  Yes, in lieu of flowers, the family is requesting donations to a fund.  So that's what I'm going to do.

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  • I disagree with everyone else, and I think you should definitely go to the funeral. This seems like one of those office politics things, that's not really about whether or not you actually knew the person. Ultimately, you don't want to be the person that people talk about around the water cooler because you weren't there.

    That's just my two cents, but if it were me, I would definitely make an effort to put in an appearance.

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  • image kateryna72:

    I disagree with everyone else, and I think you should definitely go to the funeral. This seems like one of those office politics things, that's not really about whether or not you actually knew the person. Ultimately, you don't want to be the person that people talk about around the water cooler because you weren't there.

    That's just my two cents, but if it were me, I would definitely make an effort to put in an appearance.

     

    Ditto. Mostly because of the fact that she was not just another employee. She was a well known, well liked and possibly well connected manager. Just that, in my mind, justifies taking an hour out of your life to pay your respects.

     

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  • I would go, I think it shows much more respect that sending flowers.  A funeral really isn't that long.  When my Mom died, seeing that all of those people took time out of their busy schedules to come pay their last repects to her was priceless.  I would feel guilty if I didn't go.
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  • I'm guessing since the funeral was yesterday (right?) that my response isn't really relevant but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyways.

    As a few PPs mentioned, I think it is a sign of respect for the deceased person to attend the funeral to honour them. I always attend funerals out of respect for the deceased (rather than for my own purposes...closure etc). However, I'm not sure it is in the best interest of a pregnant woman to attend a funeral. It doesn't sound like you were close to this individual though so perhaps attending the funeral wouldn't affect you that much.

    I was in the same boat a week ago. A student from my school passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago. I did not take the initial news well at all and got some cramping from my crying etc. I considered going to the funeral last weekend because I think it's just the right thing to do. After much consideration, however, I decided not to go. Some of my colleagues and my family decided that I would probably not be able to handle it emotionally and could stress my body and baby out by attending. Perhaps this is just me but anytime I have felt major stress over the last few months (like when my FIL was sick a few months ago and subsequently passed away etc), I have started to cramp.

    So...I guess what I'm saying is that even though it might seem like the right thing to do, you should always consider your needs first in situations like this.

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