Success after IF

Licking my wounds and intro

Hi ladies! This is actually my first time posting here as I honestly never really ventured out of the 1-2 boards I ever use. I felt a strong pull today to go and share my personal success story with some women who might need some encouragement and hope during the tough holiday season. My trials, just to share included a m/c, 3.5 years of "unexplained infertility", several rounds of clomid, 4 failed IUI's, every test under the sun, poked, prodded and pushed some more, and finally, a successful IVF with my precious miracles, twin boys. Anyhow, evidentally my post was taken quite different from how it was intended and I was blasted and accused of bragging. I immediately took the post down because the last thing that I wanted was to cause anyone MORE pain, so out of respect I removed it. It was recommended that this board might be a more suitable place for me so here I am. All day I cant seem to shake the feeling of sadness that I have though. I actually had never shared my story before, and in doing so I went to a very raw place and was quite vulnerable and I guess I am just feeling rejected and hurt. It kind of brought up some old feelings I guess from the years of trials we had faced in trying to start our family. I just feel a little resentful that someone can say I am bragging about a miscarriage and 3.5 years of devestating trials. Yes my story had a happy ending and my only intent was to spread that hope. It was also suggested that I didnt have a "real diagnosis" because mine was "unexplained". In my eyes, any IF diagnosis is a real one and rocks you to the core.

Nevertheless, I am not here for a pity party, but I did want to extend the offer that if anyone wants or needs to hear a success story, please dont hesitate to let me know. I love to encourage and lift others up and when it wasnt received that way I was left with an awful feeling all day. Heres hoping to a better day tomorrow....thanks for having me here and happy holidays to all!

Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Licking my wounds and intro

  • Sorry about the negative responses. Welcome! IF is such a personal experience and its hard when others dont understand but in the end you have your boys who mean more than anything in the world to you I bet. Just focus on such a sweet gift and forget about what others say. I know its easier said than done.

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  • I'm so sorry they treated you that way.  The IF boards are rough, especially if you have a ticker.  On my new BNB the other day a girl posted how after years of IF though not a lot of testing and treatment, she got pregnant on her own the other day.  The board has several IF veterans.  They went ballistic on her.  We've talked on here about how we all still feel the pangs of IF, even if we have more than one take home baby.  It can be difficult to see others get pregnant super easily etc.  But I think it's totally different coming from someone else who went through IF.  I don't understand why there are so many ladies that can't be supportive of anyone else and need to make it into some kind of "I've suffered more" competition. 
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  • Yeah. Those types of success stories are never taken well on the IF board. Honestly, when I was a regular poster over there I wouldn't have taken it well either. What you have to remember is that even if it was unintentional, your post probably was hurtful to those ladies. Just try to remember how you felt when you were in the trenches. Imagine if you would have posted your story ber there for me to read right after my first IVF ended in a very painful miscarriage (my second loss) during the time when I was literally waiting for my baby's heart to stop beating all the way before we could go ahead with the D&E. Reading that your first IVF brought you twins would have been like a knife through my heart. The thing is that the IF board is very suppoortive. The cheer for each other when they get BFPs and hug each other when they are in pain. But as a stranger to them, they weren't there for your journey and you weren't there to support them. It is very true that the pain of IF never goes away, it is different when you are still wondering if you might ever be a mom. Anyway, I am glad you found this board as this is the right place for you. I am so happy that you have found success. Please stick around with us.
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    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

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    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

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  • I am sorry about your experience on another board. I am very happy about your sweet boys, and that you made your way over here! We are glad you are here :)
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  • They were actually very polite considering how much they may have been hurting right now, which we can all sympathize with.  You brought up bragging, which was just agreed with after you said.  No one called on that first, just simply said it was hurtful. I am sure you meant well, and they realize that too, but they need to be honest about how they feel to protect themselves and the atmosphere/safe space of the IF board.

    Anway, congrats on your twins and welcome to SAIF!


    imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
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    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
  • Oh, I misread. I thought you meant you posted there as one of your primary boards and they knew you and still reacted that way. Well, I couldn't spend much time on the IF boards. I felt like, even if I was hurting and found it hard to congratulate someone I needed to actually do that and not sink into my own self-misery and become super snarky. It started coming out in real life. I think I was just really sensitive to the atmosphere. It was better for me to not be there and not over indulge in the negative feelings. So I still have never understood why someone who may have made the mistake of not lurking first and makes the mistake of posting a success story needs to be so ripped up. I don't know the atmosphere now, but 6 years ago before the snarky TTC board it was brutal. Like no one ever wanted a ray of hope or sunshine. The second you got a ticker, usually before even released from the ER, women would feel unwelcome. And sadly many of them had to return several times. Honestly, it felt oppressive to be on a board that refused hope.
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  • I did not have this happen here on TB, but I did have something similar happen on another board.  I once posted on a BIRTH MONTH BOARD (not even an IF board) about how to announce my pregnancy to a friend who had the same diagnosis as I did (DOR) and who we had sort of been going through the journey together.  I was only about  8 weeks pregnant at the time.

    I then got the most horrible private message from this lady telling me that I had no idea what my friend was going through, that I wasn't really "infertile" because I had gotten pregnant through only Clomid/IUI, that I had no idea what infertility was like and basically I was a horrible person. Not only did this woman already have a child, but this lady also had a DOR diagnosis like myself and my "numbers" (AMH/FSH) were worse than hers.  Plus, on top of that, I am a Fragile X premutation carrier (which is what cause my DOR) so I not only had the IF issue, but I then had to worry about whether my child was going to be normal/healthy since there was a chance my unborn child could have had Fragile X--which causes mental retardation and autism.  Yet, she was telling me I wasn't really "IF" because I had gotten pg through just Clomid/IUI. Ironically, she ended up being due about a month after me so she was probably pregnant when she was writing me and just didn't know it yet. 

    Everyday I feel like the fact that my son is healthy and normal (and the fact he was conceived without more serious intervention) is nothing short of a miracle.  However, I really hate it when people make "IF" a competition. I think you just have to remember that most people can't see past their own pain.  It doesn't necessarily make them bad people...I think it is just human nature.  I just always try to remember that everyone has their own struggle/journey.  Maybe someone doesn't have trouble TTC or IF, but they may end up with a child with a disability and that is entirely different struggle. Or they may end up having to battle Cancer...or who knows what else. EVERYONE has some struggle at some point in their life. Hugs to you and congrats on your babies!!!

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
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  • Hi, I'm a lurker over on this board for the moment (plan to cross over when LO arrives in a few weeks!). 

    I didnt read your original post, nor did I see what people wrote, but I will tell you that this time last year was a bad spot for me. Getting Christmas cards from friends with their cute little kiddos, dealing with IF, getting ready for IVF, and to top it off the "when are you having kids" seemed to come up more and more. My DH struggled trying to keep me sane when all I wanted for Christmas was to be pregnant. 

    While you are hurt at their comments, their hearts are breaking that another Christmas is about to come and go and their arms are still empty. They have to put on a happy face at family gatherings and smile at all the kids and parents having a magical time. I know you have been there, but they felt their tiny child free spot was invaded.

    Hugs to you and your family and enjoy your miracles as I will enjoy mine in a few short weeks! 

    TTC Since 3/2010
    Me-34, Unexplained Infertility, DH-33, all clear
    Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
    Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
    IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
    ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
    ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
    Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!

    Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Anatomy Scan at 19w looks great!
    Team Green!!

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    Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!
  • Congratulations on your twins and welcome to the board!

    I have never understood the "testifying" type posts like what you describe you did. Maybe it is a religious difference?  Are you an Evangelical?  I guess it just seems so foreign to me to go out of my way to tell people I don't know my story or my religion. If it comes up in normal conversation, sure, I'm happy to explain my IF history or my faith in God, but  it just seems so unnatural to me as a conversion starter.  I honestly don't mean any offense, it is just a theory I have been developing for a while. It is obvious to me that people who make these types of post have good intentions, it just isn't done in the best way/venue.

    Anyway, welcome. :)

    Married 9-4-04

    ***PM me for my IF history***
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  • Wow, thanks so much for all the feedback and support ladies. I always say that the boards should have a "like" button like Facebook does so you can acknowledge posts since you can't possibly quote and reply to all of them. Anyhow, I took something from what each if you said and have most certainly learned a lesson about board etiquette if nothing else. I'm just happy that I actually found the right place to be and can join the discussions now. Just to reply to 2 previous posts, I can honestly understand the hurt it caused but the whole spirit of my original post was the holidays, and explaining how I found out on Christmas Eve years ago that I was pg, which ended in a m/c, then last year finding out we were pg after all our trials, and now this year with them here. I was hoping that could spread encouragement but I get it and lesson learned. I'm glad I took it down before causing any more issues and i wish them all well. And it definitely isn't a religious thing at all. It was simply just a person who's felt pain, trying to reach out to others who have felt pain. Nothing more, nothing less. I normally (actually have never) don't share my story because I choose to focus on the positive of my situation, but for some reason I got a pull to share it that day and here I am...thanks again and I look forward to chatting more! 
    Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Welcome & congrat's on your twins :) I think you have come to the right board.  The ladies here are wonderful.
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  • Hi there, I'm glad you found this board. I know your intentions were well placed. I would try not to take it personally. I'm not defending them because I know it can be brutal over there. But you have to try to understand that those ladies are super tight and many have been going through IF for a long long time. I know that when I was going through it and my chances looked blek, the last thing I wanted to hear was people on the bump or IRL telling me about their success, or a friend of a friend. It just felt like salt in the wound. A lot of salt in the wound. I guess all I can say is try to remember back to those days, IF is a wound that never really heals. I still groan when I see pregnancy announcments. Again, I'm so glad you are here. This definitely suits you better then IF board.
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