Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

"At least You know You can get pregnant." (am I the only one who finds this offensive?

I lost my baby just shy of 7 weeks.  We (DH & I) were scheduled to have an ultrasound tomorrow to see the baby's heartbeat and meet it for the first time.  This was our first pregnancy...

Instead, I go to the doctor's office - tearful...and the nurse says to me after looking at my chart, "Sorry this happened...BUT...at least you know you can get pregnant."  Well.... okay...but I wanted to STAY pregnant!  Why would anyone in their right mind think that this is even an appropriate statement to make to a woman who just lost their first pregnancy????

I know that someone else might have found comfort in that statement...but I sure didn't!  I know she meant well, but I still struggle with her saying that. Am I just overreacting?  Or is this just insensitive?

Ladies, let me know what you think...

Re: "At least You know You can get pregnant." (am I the only one who finds this offensive?

  • Ooooooh, no. I'm like you -- I guess get where she was coming from with the statement, but that's not comforting in the moment when you've lost your baby. Especially when she can see you're crying.

    That's the kind of thing that maybe you say when you're in a doctor's office ready to try again. MAYBE. I don't even know if I'd be cool with it then.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Hugs.

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  • Oh, I hate that line...I mean...really...who says that!? Wait, I know, lots of people that don't have a clue what it's like! We've been trying close to 5 years now and I finally got pregnant on our 2nd IUI attempt in Oct just to find out in mid-Nov it was gone...UGH!
    Me - Almost 30, DH - 31 Married Aug 2006 TTC since Jan 2008 Clomid - Never Really Worked Follistim, Trigger & IUI #1 Oct '09 - BFN Follistim, Trigger, & IUI # 2 Oct '12 - 10/25/12 - BFP!!! 11/26/12 - Confirmed missed miscarriage
  • i hate that for you and i have heard that often. yes im glad i can get pregnant but im sick of hearing that! i know that there will be more times but it still doesnt take the hurt away when someone says that! hugs to you
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  • Unfortunately I heard that one a lot, even from women who had experienced miscarriage!! Ugh.

       imageWolfpack Oct 13 photo wolfpack_zpsb8f40fa9.jpg
  • I HAAAAAAATE that line.  Because honestly, well it doesn't mean d!ck.  There are so many women who can GET pregnant fine, but actually carrying the baby the full 9 months is another thing.

    I guess people think it's comforting but it's SO not. 

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
  • I find it offensive, just as offensive as "you can try again" - which I've heard A LOT. I know people are saying these things to give me hope, make me excited for the future, make me feel better...but I always say, "you flush your baby down the toilet and then tell me that it's easy as just 'trying again'". I don't want another baby, I want THAT one.

    Anyway, maybe I'm just touchy, but anything besides "I'm sorry for your loss" rubs me the wrong way.

    BFP #1 - 11/7/12 * M/C - 12/8/12 @ 7W6D
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  • If people don't know what to say, they should just say "I'm sorry for your loss" and call it a day!  I have to take meds to get my period and ovulate.  My first OB/GYN had the nerve to look at me after I asked her a question about it and say, "Well, I don't know.  I don't have problems having children".  Sooooo, go f*** yourself and that's why you were my first OB/GYN and have since moved on.

     I'm with you... I want to STAY pregnant.  The only time I ever want to "Try again" is when I'm going for baby #2 and maybe #3.

    Married September 17, 2011.
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    January 2012- Chemical Pregnancy
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    FET #1- 12/6/13, 2 blasts xfered- BFN

    FET #2- Cancelled while sitting in the waiting room... blast didn't survive thaw

  • I am so with you. It makes me cringe....along with "everything happens for a reason" or "you have a positive future ahead" etc etc. I know these people mean well and just don't know what to really say, but I'd love to make a PSA tell people that unless they've been through a miscarriage, they should just say "I am so sorry for your loss"

    UGHHHHH 

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  • I find this incredibly frustrating. Yes, I know I can get pregnant.  What I want to know is - can I get pregnant with a genetically healthy and viable fetus? This isn't helping.
  • I guess I get where people are coming from with this but yes, I find this really frustrating too - and yes, my ob also told me this after my first m/c. After my second (a different) ob in the practice didn't say that, but then again she said something along the lines of "oh, darn." which I thought was just weird.
    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

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  • I think that is so rude. Im sorry for your loss. My dr did not call me when my hcg went low, he posted it on my chat. And in that post he had said the same thing 
  • I guess I'm the only one who doesn't mind it. I do find it comforting to an extent, and I like it when people point out things to be optimistic about when I'm down. Plenty of women can't get pregnant and I'm glad to know that I can, even if it didn't last this time. 

    I don't mind when people say we can try again, but I hate when they say it's just a speedbump on the way to having a baby. Im sad for *this* baby.  


    BFP #1: 11.21.12; (EDD 7.30.13); missed M/C 12.21.12 @ 8w4d
    BFP #2: 4.12.13; (EDD 12.28.13); missed M/C 5.23.13 @ 8w5d
    BFP #3: 9.18.13; (EDD 6.3.14); missed M/C 10.22.13 @ 8w0d
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    All are welcome

  • Actually the worst is "soon you'll have a baby and forget all about this". Umm no. I will never forget this. I lost a baby, even if he was only 8 weeks along. How could I ever forget?! Maybe I'll move on but never will I forget!    


    BFP #1: 11.21.12; (EDD 7.30.13); missed M/C 12.21.12 @ 8w4d
    BFP #2: 4.12.13; (EDD 12.28.13); missed M/C 5.23.13 @ 8w5d
    BFP #3: 9.18.13; (EDD 6.3.14); missed M/C 10.22.13 @ 8w0d
    BFP #4: 7.6.14; (EDD 3.17.15); Grow Baby Grow!
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    All are welcome

  • image meladoriestar:
    Actually the worst is "soon you'll have a baby and forget all about this". Umm no. I will never forget this. I lost a baby, even if he was only 8 weeks along. How could I ever forget?! Maybe I'll move on but never will I forget!    

    Wow that is really rude! I've never heard that one, thankfully.

    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

    Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
  • image femmepink:

    I find it offensive, just as offensive as "you can try again" - which I've heard A LOT. I know people are saying these things to give me hope, make me excited for the future, make me feel better...but I always say, "you flush your baby down the toilet and then tell me that it's easy as just 'trying again'". I don't want another baby, I want THAT one.

    Anyway, maybe I'm just touchy, but anything besides "I'm sorry for your loss" rubs me the wrong way.

    I agree with all of this.  I'm sorry op.  


    R&K married 4.15.11. TTC #1 since 7.11.12

    BFP #1 9.9.12 EDD 5.21.13 c/p 9.12.12 at 4 weeks 1 day

    BFP #2 10.15.12 EDD 6.28.13 c/p 10.19.12 at  4 weeks.

    BFP #3 1.19.13 EDD 10.1.13 Eleanor born 10.7.13 at 40 weeks 6 days

    13dpo hcg@32, progesterone@13.7, 15dpo hcg@110, 16dpo progesterone@25.9



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  • I lost my daughter at 20wks 1d on Dec. 8th. I was talking to my bestfriend who has been having issues with fibroids. She made that statement and I nearly lost my mind. I had to tell her I wasn't going to play that 'game'. I may know that I can get pregnant, but I also know how it feels to be halfway done and have my heart ripped out. One can't help but be offended with a comment like that.

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  • Yes, I hate that.  I know I have been very fortunate to get pregnant right away both times, but I also know what it's like to have lost 2 consecutive pregnancies.  I do not want to hear that I can get pregnant.  I know I can get pregnant. Remember, I was there?  I also hate "everything happens for a reason", "third times a charm?" or "it will happen when the time is right".  All I want to say to people is GO F%^& YOURSELF.  Why is this time not right?  Are you God?  Did I miss something?  I

    I just really want to be pregnant.  I want to be starting my 3rd tri with my first baby that was due in March.  I want to be starting my 2nd tri with my nugget that was due in July.  I don't want to be crying daily and having the worst holiday season of my life.  And there is 0 comfort in someone telling me that "At least you can get pregnant."

    Oh and if my doctor or nurse or any other "professional" who works with an OB/GYN and is around pregnant women ever said anything like that to me right now I'd lose my *** and it wouldn't be pretty.  And I'd find a new practice and let them know why. 

    Married the love of my life <3 June 18, 2011 <3 Me (28) DH (29)
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    BFP #1 6.29.12 EDD 3.12.13 MMC discovered 8.11.12 9w5d D&C 8.15.12
    BFP #2 11.2.12 EDD 7.14.13 MMC 6w5d discovered 8w6d 2 failed rounds miso D&C 12.27.12
    BFP #3 8.5.13 EDD 4.18.14 MMC 7w4d discovered 9.25.13 at 10w6d -Trisomy 13- 1 round miso & emergency D&C 10.2.13
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  • image meladoriestar:

    I guess I'm the only one who doesn't mind it. I do find it comforting to an extent, and I like it when people point out things to be optimistic about when I'm down. Plenty of women can't get pregnant and I'm glad to know that I can, even if it didn't last this time. 

    I don't mind when people say we can try again, but I hate when they say it's just a speedbump on the way to having a baby. Im sad for *this* baby.  

    This. But, it took me a while to get there. My first pregnancy ended in m/c. My second resulted in DD, third in DS, so I didn't look back. But, since DS, I've had 4 miscarriages, one at 19 weeks. At first, I didn't care to hear that, at least, I could conceive.  But eventually it gave me hope that if we could figure out why, I knew I could conceive and implant which is a win. That, as tough as it is to hear, is better than never knowing if you can conceive. We went through ivf and FET and failed both and I was surprised because I'd never had issues conceiving or implanting. But, it was out of my hands. I learned to focus on the positive because even though you are sad and grieving, that one positive thing is the thing you can latch on to to give you the strength to keep trying. For me, it was exactly that I knew I could conceive. 

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