Baby Names

Are you sure you want to name her that?

My first daughter is named Haven Rebekah so when we found out we were having a girl, I wanted an uncommon name coupled with a traditional name that matches my 1st daughter but not in a trendy way (if that makes sense). Anyway, I stumbled across a FN name that I fell in love with. My husband and I decided to go with two traditional family names hyphenated (his grandmother & my grandfather "Jay") for a middle name and have thus decided on her entire name:

Berkley Evelyn-Jayne

We are happy with this but certain family members constantly ask if the name is going to change after we have numerously said no and the MIL even pulls up baby names on the internet when we are over there. Now, my husband has recently asked me if that is still what I want to name her because when he tells people her name, he is not getting the "OMG that's a beautiful name" reaction (and probably b/c of his mom bugging his ear). I told him it doesn't matter. It's our child and our choice. I got the same kick back with my first daughter as her name was very uncommon 12 years ago. I am just so annoyed right now. Any thoughts? Would it be okay to tell any family members that "don't like" the name to shove it?Devil And how has anyone else handled dealing with people that aren't particularly fond of what you are naming your child?

 

Re: Are you sure you want to name her that?

  • This is the reason so many people choose not to share the name. If you and your DH are in love with the name, that is all that should matter. Just let the family members who are making comments know that you've decided and that will be her name.   Because it is a rather unique name, I imagine you will receive comments on her name even after she is born.
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  • I'm sorry, but Berkley is awful. It's misspelled and seems more suited for a puppy. I just can't see it on a grown woman to be taken seriously. It also doesn't "go" with Haven, which while uncommon, is feminine and evokes a vision of happiness.
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  • If you choose a name like that and then tell people, you will get reactions.
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  • I'm going to have to agree with BlueRidge on this one.

    You picked a name that isn't the most mainstream, told people, and are now getting reactions.  It was bound to happen.  You have to either roll with it or change the name.  Not everyone is going to agree that the name you picked is wonderful and that's okay.

    I love Haven, by the way.

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  • image BlueRidge8:
    If you choose a name like that and then tell people, you will get reactions.

    Sorry I have to agree, it's NMS at all. At least you are pairing it with a girly middle name. And you also have to tell yourself it is your child and you have all the rights to name LO what you want.

    We haven't told anyone the boy names that we've picked just because we don't want any feedback, they can all find out when the baby is born and the name is final.  

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  • We have a girl name that is definitely different and when we told MIL/FIL the girl name before we knew DS#1 was well, DS and not a DD, they really disliked it...

    This time as soon as we told her that we were having a girl, her first reaction was---"you're not going to name her THAT name are you? It sounds like a black person's name!" (Sorry if saying this offends anyone.... that's not my intention; Also, it's actually an Italian name, sooo...)

    Instead of worrying about it, I politely told her, "DH and I have decided on a this name, and that's just they way it's going to be. We would appreciate it if you would respect our wishers." After that I had DH to handle it... she still occasionally suggested other names throughout 2nd tri but DH made sure to tell her thank you but no... IF we were to have a 3rd child, I won't be releasing any name until the child is born...

    If you love it go with it... It's a "real" name and this spelling is listed on many name websites...Be prepared to get weird looks from many people until they get used to it; however, I have many friends with ethinic/different names: Asja (as-ya), Gunjun, (guhn-jin), Irma (ear-mah), Crita (cree-tah), Aitze (eye-zee)...so to me Berkley is pretty normal lol I think it's cute... I'm not for the hyphenated middle, but that's more for practical purposes (filing papers, DLs etc) than the names themselves... GL!

    ETA: My Mom was really happy bc she says its a "strong Catholic name" although that wasn't our purpose either lol

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  • I could care less if people like the name we have picked out. I know we will get mixed reviews as it is a "love it/hate it" name. That's not the issue and maybe I should rephrase my question.

    There are plenty of names that people name their kids, in our family and otherwise that I don't like at all. In fact, I can't stand them. However, unless someone is specifically asking me if I like the name they have picked out, I would never so rudely impose my opinion on what someone should or shouldn't name their child.

    My DH and I didn't want to be "name hiders" as we are proud of the name. So, if people ask us what we are naming her, we tell them. So, my question ISN'T "Do you like my baby's name?"...It's how do you deal with rude people that want to know what you are naming your baby but then want to tell you why they don't like it (especially family members)? Just looking for a nice way to tell people their opinion is unwarranted and wondering if anyone else has dealt with anything similar and how they handled it.

  • image dillonwood:

    I could care less if people like the name we have picked out. I know we will get mixed reviews as it is a "love it/hate it" name. That's not the issue and maybe I should rephrase my question.

    There are plenty of names that people name their kids, in our family and otherwise that I don't like at all. In fact, I can't stand them. However, unless someone is specifically asking me if I like the name they have picked out, I would never so rudely impose my opinion on what someone should or shouldn't name their child.

    My DH and I didn't want to be "name hiders" as we are proud of the name. So, if people ask us what we are naming her, we tell them. So, my question ISN'T "Do you like my baby's name?"...It's how do you deal with rude people that want to know what you are naming your baby but then want to tell you why they don't like it (especially family members)? Just looking for a nice way to tell people their opinion is unwarranted and wondering if anyone else has dealt with anything similar and how they handled it.

    "Thank you for your opinion. We're set in our decision"

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  • I think it's horrendous. However, I hate when people offer unsolicited advice regarding names. It's your job to name your baby--nobody else's. If you love it, go for it, and yes, everybody else can shove it.

    My MIL's reaction to our name was less than ideal, so she was the first and alst people we shared it with. The rest of the world will have to wait to know this baby is Arlo.

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  • KXP - Thank you...very helpful. We have numerously very nicely told MIL that is what we have decided and it won't change. Hopefully, she backs off soon.

    I am not a huge fan of hyphenated names either but we decided to do so that there would only be one middle initial to make it easier when filling out documents. However, it was equally important to us to have both names. It was a compromise that my DH and I were both happy with.

    FWIW - Most of our family loves the name... my grandmother burst into (happy) tears when we told her our middle name (after her late husband). My DH dad was also extremely touched (Evelyn was his mom) and actually stated that he loved how we put it together and that my DH's grandmother would be proud.

     But again, thank you. I can definitely understand why people don't want to share names now. Smile

  • We chose to not share our DD's name until her birth because we did not want to deal with comments like this.

    Repeat as necessary: Thank you for your opinion. I will consider it.

     

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  • image panacea05:

    I think it's horrendous. However, I hate when people offer unsolicited advice regarding names. It's your job to name your baby--nobody else's. If you love it, go for it, and yes, everybody else can shove it.

    My MIL's reaction to our name was less than ideal, so she was the first and alst people we shared it with. The rest of the world will have to wait to know this baby is Arlo.

    (I hope not to offend)...Your post made me laugh....Your reaction to my baby name was my same reaction to yours. Sometimes, I think it is just a difference in taste and people need to respect that. But I agree, if it's what you love, that all that matters and I am sure once the baby arrives, you wouldn't be able to imagine having ever picked out anything different! :)

  • If you're having second thoughts, though it doesn't sound like it, I think that Haven Rebekah and Evelyn Jayne are a beautiful sibset. LOVE!!! Sure, Evelyn is much more traditional than Haven, but the "v's" tie them together nicely. Berkeley sounds like you're trying too hard... and I can't get past the annoying "Saved by the Bell" actress with poodle hair named Elizabeth Berkeley.
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  • image chibride4:
    If you're having second thoughts, though it doesn't sound like it, I think that Haven Rebekah and Evelyn Jayne are a beautiful sibset. LOVE!!! Sure, Evelyn is much more traditional than Haven, but the "v's" tie them together nicely.

     

    I agree, though it doesn't sound like you are changing the name. Evelyn Jane is really pretty.

    OP, is there a reason you are spelling it Berkley and not Berkeley? Just curious.

     

    To answer your original question, we did not share his name ahead of time (actually we had it down to two in the delivery room). We just didn't want any family feedback, love or hate it.

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  • image dillonwood:

    KXP - Thank you...very helpful. We have numerously very nicely told MIL that is what we have decided and it won't change. Hopefully, she backs off soon.

    I am not a huge fan of hyphenated names either but we decided to do so that there would only be one middle initial to make it easier when filling out documents. However, it was equally important to us to have both names. It was a compromise that my DH and I were both happy with.

    FWIW - Most of our family loves the name... my grandmother burst into (happy) tears when we told her our middle name (after her late husband). My DH dad was also extremely touched (Evelyn was his mom) and actually stated that he loved how we put it together and that my DH's grandmother would be proud.

     But again, thank you. I can definitely understand why people don't want to share names now. Smile

    You could even be as blunt as "You picked your children's names, now let me pick mine.  If we wanted you input we would have asked for it."  Then change the subject.  Sorry you're having to go through this, dillon.  Regardless of the name you choose, it's your decision!

    That being said, if your husband is having second thoughts, I would get to the bottom of that; is it his mom getting to him or does he genuinely not like the name.  That is the only opinion other than yous that matters :) GL.

     
             Baby C - 08.23.13
  • This name looks like you inverted the order of her first and last names. Horrendous. Evelyn and Jane are lovely though.
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  • image dillonwood:

    I could care less if people like the name we have picked out.

    However, unless someone is specifically asking me if I like the name they have picked out, I would never so rudely impose my opinion on what someone should or shouldn't name their child.

     Just looking for a nice way to tell people their opinion is unwarranted and wondering if anyone else has dealt with anything similar and how they handled it.

    Honestly, it does sound like you do care. But I'll move on...

    When you share information with people, people comment. That's how it works, so if you don't want to hear rude opinions or impositions, don't share.

    Otherwise IGNORE them. It's that simple. Since you don't care what they think, it should be easy. When your MIL pulls up baby names on the internet, ignore her comments, leave the room, change the subject, or reply kindly "Interesting ideas. There's so many baby names out there" and redirect the conversation.

    It's not that hard. 


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  • image dillonwood:

    I could care less if people like the name we have picked out. I know we will get mixed reviews as it is a "love it/hate it" name. That's not the issue and maybe I should rephrase my question.

    There are plenty of names that people name their kids, in our family and otherwise that I don't like at all. In fact, I can't stand them. However, unless someone is specifically asking me if I like the name they have picked out, I would never so rudely impose my opinion on what someone should or shouldn't name their child.

    My DH and I didn't want to be "name hiders" as we are proud of the name. So, if people ask us what we are naming her, we tell them. So, my question ISN'T "Do you like my baby's name?"...It's how do you deal with rude people that want to know what you are naming your baby but then want to tell you why they don't like it (especially family members)? Just looking for a nice way to tell people their opinion is unwarranted and wondering if anyone else has dealt with anything similar and how they handled it.

    No, I understood you perfectly and my answer remains the same.  You told them so people are going to comment.  Nothing you can do about it.

    People will comment on your daughter's name her whole life.  It will either be to her face or behind her back.  That's how people are.  You can not like it, you can say "We love it!" with a huge grin, but it won't change the fact that people have opinions.  ::shrug::  Shake it off if it doesn't bother you so much.  

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  • image CatahoulaMom:

    image chibride4:
    If you're having second thoughts, though it doesn't sound like it, I think that Haven Rebekah and Evelyn Jayne are a beautiful sibset. LOVE!!! Sure, Evelyn is much more traditional than Haven, but the "v's" tie them together nicely.

    I agree, though it doesn't sound like you are changing the name. Evelyn Jane is really pretty.

    OP, is there a reason you are spelling it Berkley and not Berkeley? Just curious.

    To answer your original question, we did not share his name ahead of time (actually we had it down to two in the delivery room). We just didn't want any family feedback, love or hate it.

    I first heard the name Berkley when planning our wedding which was the name of one of our main point of contacts. That is how her name is spelled and she ended up becoming a pretty good friend who is one of the sweetest, most kindhearted people I have ever met. Also, I would prefer not to spell it like the school. I am not a fan of the name Evelyn...at all. However, since that is the name my DH wanted to honor his grandmother's name, I would not contest that. And...while I might have been okay with just the two middle names  as a fn and mn had we called her "Jaynie" for short...my husband absolutely hated that.

    In the beginning, I had also suggested the name "Madelaine Jayne" after his mom's mom and my grandfather but he hated that as well and wanted to use Evelyn (his dad's mom) instead. So, the name we decided on in the end was a shared compromise of names we both like. Berkley was a name that we both were happy with...and our last name is one syllable so we think it flows together nicely. Thanks for your input though!

  • image Joy2611:

    People will comment on your daughter's name her whole life.  It will either be to her face or behind her back.  That's how people are.  You can not like it, you can say "We love it!" with a huge grin, but it won't change the fact that people have opinions.  ::shrug::  Shake it off if it doesn't bother you so much.  

    THIS.  People will comment until the ink is dry on the birth certificate.  Then they will just politely nod when you tell them your child's name and do you the favor of not snarking to you about it when they snark to everyone else.  As long as they think they might be able to change your mind and are not insulting the name of an actual born person, they will tell you what they think.  They are more likely to tell you what they think if you pick a love/hate sort of name, which, to be perfectly honest and which you it is just as well you should know now since you have not yet made the final, irrevocable-other-than-by-court-order decision for a person other than yourself, more people are going to hate than love.

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  • I want to point out an unfortunate nn for Berkley- Barkley. If someone isn't getting along with a Berkley they are going to call her Barkley behind her back implying that she's ugly and a female dog.  

    I went to college with a girl who had a similar name. She was beautiful but snobby anf the people she upset called her Barkley. I actually can't remember what her real name was- I just remember the mean nn.

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  • image dillonwood:

    KXP - Thank you...very helpful. We have numerously very nicely told MIL that is what we have decided and it won't change. Hopefully, she backs off soon.

    I am not a huge fan of hyphenated names either but we decided to do so that there would only be one middle initial to make it easier when filling out documents. However, it was equally important to us to have both names. It was a compromise that my DH and I were both happy with.

    FWIW - Most of our family loves the name... my grandmother burst into (happy) tears when we told her our middle name (after her late husband). My DH dad was also extremely touched (Evelyn was his mom) and actually stated that he loved how we put it together and that my DH's grandmother would be proud.

     But again, thank you. I can definitely understand why people don't want to share names now. Smile

    I don't love Berkley, but if you are set on it then more power to you.  I wanted to let you know that after I got married I took on 2 middle names (not hyphenated) and only use 1 initial on paperwork.   So if you don't love the hyphen feel free to nix it.  The only thing that you have to have your full and correct name on is your driver's license and SS card, so anything else is really not that official that you have to worry about putting 2 middle name initials on it.  And your DL and SS card will have the full name spelled out anyway. 

  • I like the name. Go for it. Just tell people you are still thinking about names when they ask, then use it anyway'
  • I got plenty of crap over DS's name and a lot of "You won't really do that to him!".  And as far as not telling until the baby is born to avoid hearing opinions, good luck with that.  It didn't get any better for us after he was born.  We actually had people asking to see his birth certificate after he was born because they were convinced we were lying. I just laugh it off and smile.  Not their business.
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  • image jobiann:

    image BlueRidge8:
    If you choose a name like that and then tell people, you will get reactions.

    Sorry I have to agree, it's NMS at all. At least you are pairing it with a girly middle name. And you also have to tell yourself it is your child and you have all the rights to name LO what you want.

    We haven't told anyone the boy names that we've picked just because we don't want any feedback, they can all find out when the baby is born and the name is final.  

     

    agree

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  • We did the same thing... Went with a uncommon name and once we told some people they asked "really?" "he was the worst president"....

    Still we ended up naming him Nixon in the end... use the name YOU like. im so happy we picked it and kept it even after all the neg. input we got.

    Everyone is different... some like more common names... some like less common names.

    i happen to like that name =]

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