Preemies

So this just happened.

Me: (giving a short summary of baby's birth) ...so they took him away immediately which was very traumatic and I still have a hard time dealing with it.
Friend: well, he's home now, right?
Me: yah, he's home now :)
Friend: if it meant the kid living or not, i'd say take him and do what you gotta do..
Me: uhm...yes obviously.
Friend: you have the rest of your life and his to hold him..
Me: doesn't make it any less traumatic...
Friend: well, no, just saying..

 image

image

image

 
Am I too sensitive? Cuz I almost peed myself I was so angry.

 

Re: So this just happened.

  • Honestly sounds like the friend trying to be positive and helpful without really having any understanding of how traumatic it is to have your baby taken immediately away to do so with tact. I'd be upset if I were in your shoes too, but unfortunately we are the ones that have to remember friends and family try to be helpful in the most upsetting ways because they just don't get it.
    imageActual
    imageAdjusted
  • She doesn't get it.  Most people won't.  I have yet to find a way for the average person to relate to my experience.  I'm sorry you had to deal with this; it will get easier to deal with in time...
    Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/

    DD1: BFP July 2010...HG in first tri, MC delivered vaginally at 18 weeks October 2010

    DS: BFP December 2011...SCH at 5 weeks, SBR at 7 weeks, Placental Abruption at 13 weeks, Hospitalized at 25 weeks, pPROM at 28 weeks, PTL via CS at 31 weeks 

    DD2: BFP January 2013...P17 shots, delivered via VBAC at 39 weeks
  • I'm guessing your friend doesn't have preemie experience?  I think he/she meant well, but it's one of those things that you really don't get unless you've been through it, and people don't realize how hurtful and upsetting well-intended comments can be.  I'm sorry that happened!
    O&D October Siggy Challenge: Favorite Halloween Candy
    image

    2 Bostons, 1 Preemie, & 65 Roses

    image
  • No, you're absolutely not too sensitive.

    I'm sorry you had to be in that conversation. I don't even know what to say.  

    "They tell me you were born premature, my child, but this is only partially true..
    for in my heart you were right on time." 
    Lilypie - (MSXB)

  • Does she by any chance have a history of miscarriages? That's the only way I can see her statement being even remotely understandable.

    I would get comments like that too, although not quite so insensitive. Like PP said, they were made to make me feel better and help me "look on the bright side." The way your friend phrased it, though, almost sounds like she's essentially telling you it's not that big a deal, which is incredibly insensitive.

    This doesn't sound like a "go to with your troubles" friend.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image BostonKisses2:
    I'm guessing your friend doesn't have preemie experience?  I think he/she meant well, but it's one of those things that you really don't get unless you've been through it, and people don't realize how hurtful and upsetting well-intended comments can be.  I'm sorry that happened!

     

    This exactly.  Unfortunately, nobody will get it unless they have been through it.  People mean well and/or they just don't think before they speak.  Brush it off....it will happen more times than you will like but unfortunately is the nature of the beast.  Hang in there :)

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    image image image
  • image KatFCo:

    Does she by any chance have a history of miscarriages? That's the only way I can see her statement being even remotely understandable.

    I doubt it, she's always been adamant that she's not interested in having children. She was supportive of me when I got pregnant and I've always gone to her to talk about anything so it really caught me off guard. But I think you guys are right-- she's just so far removed from any of the emotions involved in giving birth and being a mother that she thought that was an appropriate thing to say. But still...ugh.

     

  • Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    image

    Photobucket
    image



    DH: Post testicular cancer/tesicle removal, low sperm count: 12/20/11 SA: motility 45% morphology not able to be tested good, Sperm count = 2.2 million Me: Diagnosed with hypothyroidsm 12/20/11 All blood work looks good including thyroid level! RE appt 1/23/12- RE recomending IVF, DH will have another SA done, waiting for CD1 to make appt for blood work, u/s, and SHG. 2/2/11 SA results= count 11 million!!! motility 83%!!! morphology 1% IVF with ICSI! BCP staretd 3/23, Starting Lupron 4/9, stims 4/20.
    ER 4/30, ET 5/5- Transfered 2 beautiful blasts, 1 frostie waiting! BFP+HPT 5/10, Beta#1 5/15-330! Beta #2 5/17 741!, Beta #3 5/19 1363! First U/S 6/1

    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
  • image rjade9:
    Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol

    WHOA that is disgusting that a health care professional would suggest that your feelings are somehow invalidated by "things could have happened worse". I'd be like...making a complaint or at least leaving a nasty yelp review on that doctor. That's seriously bonkers....I'm so angry for you...

  • image rjade9:
    Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol
    I would find a different doctor... WOW!
    Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/

    DD1: BFP July 2010...HG in first tri, MC delivered vaginally at 18 weeks October 2010

    DS: BFP December 2011...SCH at 5 weeks, SBR at 7 weeks, Placental Abruption at 13 weeks, Hospitalized at 25 weeks, pPROM at 28 weeks, PTL via CS at 31 weeks 

    DD2: BFP January 2013...P17 shots, delivered via VBAC at 39 weeks
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards