Blended Families

Lurker in need of advice (Christmas)

Hi Ladies,

I'm mostly just a lurker, but I have asked a few questions on here and you ladies are wonderful!

I have another question for you and I'm not really sure how to handle it, and I'm hoping some of you have unfortunetly been through it before and can give me some advice on what I should do.

My DS is 2 and all he asked for from Santa was a football helmet. He gets so excited and just keeps saying Santa's going to bring me a football hemlet. It's adorable. 3 weeks ago when I dropped DS of his father's girlfriend told me that HER father had bought him a football helmet for Christmas. Ummmm ok?

I don't want to sound like a bit*h but I really hope that he doesn't give it to him before Christmas. That was the ONLY thing he asked for. And he is so excited about it. He is suppossed to be getting him on Saturday and I'm thinking of asking BD if he could ask his girlfriend's father to not give it to him til after Santa comes on Christmas.

I don't want to sound horrible but everytime he sees santa that's all he asks for. I want Santa to bring him his football helmet not BD's girlfriend's father.

Should I say something?

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Lurker in need of advice (Christmas)

  • It depends on the relationship you and BD have. If you have a great relationship, maybe say "DS is really excited about getting a FB helmet from Santa, so would GF's father mind waiting until after Christmas to give it to him?" Honestly, though, this is about you, not DS. You want to see DS's reaction to getting the FB helmet from Santa, and him getting another one from someone else first may 'taint' that. I'm not flaming you here, just stating how you understandably feel. If you and BD don't have a good relationship, saying something may cause them to give the FB helmet earlier than they planned just to be spiteful. Just a thought.

    If they give it to him they give it to him. I know you're excited about seeing DS get excited over the FB helmet, but you cannot control what BD does during his time. I definitely empathize that it is frustrating when the other parent does something first/better/etc. That's just how it is in BF.

    image
  • You're 100% right. It really is about me seeing his reaction on Christmas morning. I'm just really excited and anxious for him to open it.

    We have an OK relationship. We get along for DS and thats really it. Like you said I'm just worried they will give it to him out of spite because I said something.

    I just really hope his dad would't take that suprise and fun away from his son. He's just getting to the age where he's starting to like Santa and get excited.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Yes. I would be furious. Actually the same thing just happened with us and SS. "Santa" is bringing him something he already got from my dumbss in laws just because they have no other way to connect to him except giving him any and everything he asks for for no reason at all.

    Santas gift has been sitting wrapped for a month it's a movie he wanted to see but he's still getting it anyways.

    I don't know how far this will get you but I would ask your ex to ask the father in law to return the helmet or choose another gift. The big gift should be given by one of the primary parents. Honestly shame on girlfriend and her dad for overstepping boundaries too
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm fine if he wants to give him the helmet Christmas night. As long as he gets the one from santa first and the one he bought stays at his house. He will still be getting the helmet from Santa

    I'm just frustrated at the whole situation. He only sees him once a month so he has no clue what to tell anyone to get him. BDs parents even call and ask me what to get him. I just hope he understands and gets where I'm coming from.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think you need to talk to BF, without the drama. 

    In a blended family, you can't have everything.  I know that hurts, but the bonus is that your son can have it all.

    There were a couple semi-sane holiday/birthdays with BM when she was the hero gift giver and the boys liked her present better than the one from DH and me.  It stung, especially when it was what I told her they would like, but the important thing was that the kids were happy.

    There was also another Christmas when the boys were very young, DH did all the wrapping and labeled every last present from "Santa" so the boys didn't realize we had gotten them anything.  I thought he was nuts, but DH didn't care.  He just wanted them to have the presents. 

    Hopefully, you and BF can find some compromise.  Will BF/gf be there Christmas morning?  Can they give it to him then after the Santa-brought helmet?  He can be excited to have two?

    It sounds great for LO, though, since he can have a helmet at each home.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • image Nineoceans:
    Yes. I would be furious. Actually the same thing just happened with us and SS. "Santa" is bringing him something he already got from my dumbss in laws just because they have no other way to connect to him except giving him any and everything he asks for for no reason at all.

    Santas gift has been sitting wrapped for a month it's a movie he wanted to see but he's still getting it anyways.

    I don't know how far this will get you but I would ask your ex to ask the father in law to return the helmet or choose another gift. The big gift should be given by one of the primary parents. Honestly shame on girlfriend and her dad for overstepping boundaries too
    I doubt anyone was trying to do anything malicious or to overstep boundaries. It sounds like this is a lucky little boy who has a lot of people in his life who care about him and want to make him happy.

    OP, there is nothing wrong with saying nicely, I had already gotten him the helmet and was really looking forward to giving it to him Christmas day. Would it be ok for GFs dad to wait until after christmas to give it to DS? It will be great for him to have two so he doesn't have to carry one back and forthyou know he will love it so much he won't want t let it out of his sight. Something that emphasizes you aren't trying to take it away and that you appreciate someone else's generosity towards your son.
  • I would not say shame on them for buying it, the Dad probably saddled what the kid wanted and she told him and did not give it thought. But to be the most requested gift should be from Santa no matter who does Christmas morning with the child. I would talk to BD but realize you likely will not will, I would actually try to word it to prevent for next year stating that you hope you can work together so his most requested gift can always be from Santa, but that means if he is with BD next year then Santa brings it there. And remember that many nonBF families deal with this, I have many friends whose parents or ILs try to outdo the parents even though they are close and it is not on purpose.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Rule 725 in BFs: You can ask anything of the other parent but it doesn't mean they will agree.

    I understand it is important to you and I would ask BF if they can hold off to open that gift till after he opens at your home. Just remember if he says no you need to accept it. You son is very young so there is no shortage of excitement at that age. He will still flip out when he gets the helmet at your house.

    Rule 402 in BFs: Find a way to discuss birthday/Christmas gifts while he is only 2 or it will be an issue twice a year for 16 more years.

    GL! Your DS is going to be so cute and excited no matter what order the events happen.

  • BF will not be with him Christmas morning. Last I heard  he said he wasn't getting done work til around 2.

    I had already told him that Santa was bringing the helmet before her father went out and bought it. In our CO DS spends Christmas Eve wil me and wakes up Christmas morning with me, then goes to BF when he comes to get him.

    I know that no matter what DS will have a great holiday

     You ladies are fantastic, thank you so much!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • he is 2 years old, imagine how happy he will be that "santa" brought a football helmet to BOTH OF HIS HOMES

     

    what a lucky little boy.  get over yourself, this is about the boy, not you

  • Is it possible to be honest with BD and just say "It means a lot to me to be able to give my son this helmet and watch his reaction as he opens it first.  I know you don't have to agree, but it would be wonderful if you could hold off giving him the helmet you got him in order for him to open the one 'Santa' got him first?"


    BabyFruit Ticker
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • image kali55:
    Is it possible to be honest with BD and just say "It means a lot to me to be able to give my son this helmet and watch his reaction as he opens it first.  I know you don't have to agree, but it would be wonderful if you could hold off giving him the helmet you got him in order for him to open the one 'Santa' got him first?"

    If you do ask him to hold off, just understand this won't be the only time something similar like this will come up.  What if your DS is really excited to go to his first baseball game and you find out your X has tickets, will you ask him to not bring him too?  Your X is his dad too and will also want to enjoy moments with your son too.

    I read your post on here and on the Single Parents board about this and I really don't think that they were doing anything malicious.  They are giving your son the gift he really wanted, what is so wrong about that?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • It's NOT from his father it is from his father's girlfriend's father. I had already told BF that "Santa" was bringing it for him on Christmas.

    I am fine with them giving him a FB helmet as well, I just would like him to open the one from "Santa" first since that is the only thing he asked for.

    I understand that it is his son too, but I had ALREADY told him Santa was bringing it a month before her dad bought his.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I doubt it was malicious. If your son kept repeating himself to you about wanting the football helmet, I bet he did the same thing at his father's. 

    Now, this is one of the things that get you pissed but you need to let go. Rty talking to your ex and see what happens but if he refuses to delay the present, its not something to be that upset about.

    You child is only two so its pretty easy to tell him that Santa brought him to helmets, one for your place and one for his father's or your can get him something else.

    DD really wanted a Doodle bear this year for Christmas. She is spending Christmas at her dad's and he already got her the Doodle bear. Does it suck that Im not the one giving it to her? Absolutely but I wont sweat it because she will get what she wanted.  


    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
  • Ladies thank you.

    You all are 100% right. There is really nothing I can do about it so why get upset.

    He will have a wonderful Christmas regardless.

    Thank you for letting me know it is ok to be upset and mad about the whole situation but, in the end it is about me son not me.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards