May 2013 Moms

No sex?

So my fianc admitted to me that we haven't been having sex because he is weirded out by doing it while I'm pregnant. I've explained everything and I don't know how to deal with it. It hurts my self confidence a lot. But he just really isn't comfortable with it. I feel like it's abnormal to not have sex in a relationship. Opinions?
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Re: No sex?

  • When I was PG with DS, this was an issue for Hubby as well. He scheduled a sit down with the OB to talk about it man to man. It was awesome and helped Hubby to understand that he was not going to hurt the baby.
  • Ps: when you do get intimate, you may find that certain positions are more appealing to him if your belly isn't right there for him to focus on.... Know what I'm saying?
  • We had a scare two weeks back when I started bleeding during sex (not after).  We went to the ER.  Long story short, everything turned out ok and the OB said we're fine to have sex again, but DH is too freaked out by what happened. 

    I tried to "seduce" him the other night and was completely rejected, which was a huge blow to my self confidence and how I'm feeling about my body during this pregnancy.  I see where he's coming from, it was a really scary experience, but tried to tell him how I'm feeling as well.  I reminded him that if we don't try it again it will likely be July 2013 before we have sex again.

    Here's hoping that our men come around and we both are able to get some soon!

    .2013-11-28 10.27.26

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  • I honestly cant tell you the last time we had sex. Honestly I have no desire, my poor DH keeps trying but I just hate it. After having DD2 my sex drive went way down, so I know its only going to get worse after #3.

    Maybe you can try to have a romantic evening, make a nice dinner and eat by candle light, buy something that makes you feel extra nice and wear it for him. Maybe he just needs to know that you are still you no matter what.

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  • We have had sex exactly 2 times since BFP. I have zero sex drive and I keep telling him if he wants it he has ask because I don't.  He says he doesn't want to if I don't want to.  I replied that if he wants it I'm there for him and he has to ask.  But he hasn't. 
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  • I was put on bed rest last week and my husband has really wanted it since then, not sure why because we hadn't had sex for 5 weeks before then because it weirded him out too. He gave the same reasons as your H. I have no advice because even if I'm taken off bed rest, I highly doubt we will have sex because we will be too freaked out from the major bleed and that we could do something to cause another one.
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    TTC #2 16/04/2014
  • I'm sorry you are having a tough time with this and that your confidence is taking a hit.  DH and I haven't had sex once since I found out I was Pg and probably won't until we get close to full term.


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  • I totally understand where you are coming from, my DH said the same thing to me. He said it was weird to think about sex when he knew our kid was in there. We went to the OB and had a talk about how it wont hurt the baby but he is still very weirded out by it. It does hurt my self confidence a lot, and sometimes i just wanna scream but i also have to think that he is(in his mind) afraid something will happen to the baby and it scares him. But believe me there are days that i just want to kick him and tell him how much it truley hurts for me to not be able to have that connection in our relationship right now. I just dont know what to do anymore.
  • image brrkrrs18:
    So my fianc admitted to me that we haven't been having sex because he is weirded out by doing it while I'm pregnant. I've explained everything and I don't know how to deal with it. It hurts my self confidence a lot. But he just really isn't comfortable with it. I feel like it's abnormal to not have sex in a relationship. Opinions?

    You can be intimate without penetration.  If that's what's making him uncomfortable, then I understand.  But that doesn't mean you can't do practically everything else. 

    BeesMomma00 formerly LauriJean_2009
    BFP#1 Nov '09; Missed Miscarriage Dec '09; D&C Jan '10
    Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome May '10; Corrective Surgery June '10
    IUI #1 Jan 9, 2011; BFP#2 Jan '11; DD Born Sep 29, 2011
    BFP#3 Sep '12; Conceived Naturally; EDD May 25, 2013

    image

  • image BeesMomma00:

    image brrkrrs18:
    So my fianc admitted to me that we haven't been having sex because he is weirded out by doing it while I'm pregnant. I've explained everything and I don't know how to deal with it. It hurts my self confidence a lot. But he just really isn't comfortable with it. I feel like it's abnormal to not have sex in a relationship. Opinions?

    You can be intimate without penetration.  If that's what's making him uncomfortable, then I understand.  But that doesn't mean you can't do practically everything else. 

    This

    There are times thatI do not want to go the extra mile but will make hubby "happy".   He will take the "affection" any way he can get it.

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  • This is totally normal. It could be a symptom of couvade syndrome (aka sympathetic pregnancy) where your fiances hormone levels change due to lving with a pregnant partner.  Totally natural. Do not beat ?ourself up over it. Its great that you at least have a dialogue with him. Maybe he just needs time to adjust as well. Hang in there! 
    IVF# 1 with ICSI 05/02/2012 - Husband had surgery 07/13/2012 - Started BCP 07/31/2012 - Stopped BCP 08/02/2012 - Little Friend came and had trand vag echo and blood test 08/03/2012 - started Puregon 250UI a day 08/10/2012 - blood test and transvag echo. Continued with Puregon, added Orgalutron and Menopur 08/12/2012 - did regular meds in morn, Pregnyl trigger shot at 930pm 08/14/2012 - ER with only a shot of anesthetic to my whoha - OUCH -next time i will ask for general. They were only able to get at one ovary because the other is located too close to my intestines. 08/17/2012 - ET of 2 Grade A emryos. Dr said only two really good ones were available and if the others make it to blastocyst stage. 08/27/2012 - No call from doctor so we can assume nothing to freeze. 08/31/2012 - Beta #1 286.2 - I am pregnant! Doctor is not doing a second Beta 09/1472012 - Saw babys heart flutter Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image capstone52501:
    image BeesMomma00:

    image brrkrrs18:
    So my fianc admitted to me that we haven't been having sex because he is weirded out by doing it while I'm pregnant. I've explained everything and I don't know how to deal with it. It hurts my self confidence a lot. But he just really isn't comfortable with it. I feel like it's abnormal to not have sex in a relationship. Opinions?

    You can be intimate without penetration.  If that's what's making him uncomfortable, then I understand.  But that doesn't mean you can't do practically everything else. 

    This

    There are times thatI do not want to go the extra mile but will make hubby "happy".   He will take the "affection" any way he can get it.

    And he can give back too. :)

    BeesMomma00 formerly LauriJean_2009
    BFP#1 Nov '09; Missed Miscarriage Dec '09; D&C Jan '10
    Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome May '10; Corrective Surgery June '10
    IUI #1 Jan 9, 2011; BFP#2 Jan '11; DD Born Sep 29, 2011
    BFP#3 Sep '12; Conceived Naturally; EDD May 25, 2013

    image

  • Well my husband works 8 hours away from home for months on end and I only get to see him when I drive which isn't often cause its really cold and lots of snow here. So don't feel too bad about it.
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  • i bleed after every romp session with DH - and although my mid wife has said its ok i can't bring myself to do it anymore because i worry the whole time.....
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