May 2013 Moms

Am I a horrible Wife? Naming Rights - long

We are planning to announce our names before we reveal the sex of the baby on Christmas with our families. We have been set on our names for a while, but recently I had a revelation and want to tweak the boy's middle name we picked.

The girl's name is Christina Grace. Christina is my mother's first name. Grace has no family significance.

The boy's name is Everett Chance. Everett has no family significance. Chance is my BIL's first name (DH's brother).

I want to change the boy's name to Everett James (James after my grandfather and my uncle). DH obviously thinks the family significance should be split evenly, but he is not close with his family and it was a stretch to come up with someone to pass along the name of. 

Additionally, Everett James has the adorable nickname of E.J. which I really like as an option. Otherwise, Rhett is our only good nickname choice and it's becoming more popular.

Part of the trouble is I do not get along with my BIL. He is a major jerk to me (makes fun of overweight women) and recently was really mean to my sister over something as trivial as Fantasy Football. His character generally is not something I want to pass along to my child. But he is really good with my SIL's son and our little cousins so I do think he would be a good uncle in some ways.

I of course mentioned all this to DH and he was swaying because he really likes the E.J. nickname. But he wants to find either a neutral non-family related name to replace it (Jeremy, Jacob, etc.) or choose a different family-related name that does not begin with a J. But he doesn't have anyone else in mind.

Am I horrible to push for Everett James or should I just accept that DH deserves family rights too and suck up Everett Chance?

Thanks!

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Re: Am I a horrible Wife? Naming Rights - long

  • I agree that it's nice to split the family significant names among your children...so maybe you take the first one (whether it's a girl or boy), and then decide on names that incorporate something from DH's side for the next child...

    I'm not sure why you are announcing the names before you know the sex of the baby...and I find it strange that your husband would want to honor a family member that he's not close with.  It should carry some significance with it...not just pick a name just so that you can say "someone from MY side of the family had a part in this name." 

    If you wanted to honor members of your family that you are very close with, I would do it with the girl name or the boy name, then announce the name when you find out the sex.  That way you still have flexibility to reuse & tweak the other name for future use.

  • I think that if you are against Chance, then let your husband find another name to go with the first name. This way he has a choice in it.  My DH is adamant that our first born son will have his fathers name as a middle name. I'm not for it. I'm not a fan of the name, and his dad and I have had a few go rounds in the last year that makes me feel naming my child after him is giving an honor that has not been deserved. I told DH this too and he became a little upset. Good thing baby #1 is a girl... no arguing over names this time!
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  • My husband gets no say in mn because baby gets his last name, and I kept my last name. I won't ignore him, but you are more cooperative than I.
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  • Also consider if the "recent revelation" of you wanting to change the name was because of the "recent" incident where the BIL was mean?  You probably don't want to make a lifelong decision on how you feel at one particular moment.  If you dislike him all the time, that's one thing. If you dislike him right now, maybe you should still keep his name in consideration.
  • I think your DH is being tremendously accomodating to your wishes by offering to forego using his own brother's name, in exchange for finding a non-family name to replace it with.

    So, in short, 'suck it up, buttercup'. Your DH is being a dear.

     

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  • we split our names, i picked the 1st name, he picked the middle. Can you and your DH think of another boy name that has any significance in his family?
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  • Yeah I think you guys are right. I'll just go with Everett Chance. In the end its not a big enough issue to push and I can definitely see where DH is coming from. I just wish he had a better family! Stick out tongue
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  • image PetraStonegirl:
    I think your DH is being tremendously accomodating to your wishes by offering to forego using his own brother's name, in exchange for finding a nonfamily name to replace it with.So, in short, 'suck it up, buttercup'. Your DH is being a dear.nbsp;


    Exactly what Petra said.

    Sounds like he is being gracious in his offer. You don't have any special rights that he doesn't. Decide on a name together.
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  • I think you should either pick a different J middle name or just use a name to honor YH's family for the second child regardless of sex.  I don't think you should have to use Chance though just because it's the only name he could think of to use (not that it seems like he's pushing for that at all).

    It's not like you're having two right now so if it's a girl there is nothing to honor YH's side either. Well other than the whole last name thing. KWIM?

      
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  • image beaubecca:
    Yeah I think you guys are right. I'll just go with Everett Chance. In the end its not a big enough issue to push and I can definitely see where DH is coming from. I just wish he had a better family! Stick out tongue

    Good choice!

    As for him having a 'better family', if he had any other family than what he has, he just wouldn't be the same man you know and love. 

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    FSH=8.7 E2=30 AMH=1.8 HSG clear, SA=great
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    Op Hysteroscopy 5/12, removed scar tissue and uterine septum
    Doing Cryo-DE IVF 
    Beautiful hatching 5-blast transfered 8/30
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    A/S on 12/21/12, Petra's having a baby, it's the end of the world!
    Pebbles arrived safe and sound 4/13. Placenta accreta found.
    Op hysteroscopy 2/7, reopen ute/remove adhesions from accreta
    Found severe Ashermans. Fuuuuuuu... Repeat Op Hyst in March.
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    Finally got the damn IUD out. Waiting to stop bleeding.
    SIS shows rippled funky shaped ute, but given clearance to begin sFET calendar.
    Here goes everything...
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  • I'm of the opinion that if the child is taking the father's last name, that the mother has a bit more leeway for the other name slots. I'm not saying the father's opinion should be bulldozed though. 

    If I didn't like someone's character that my future child would be named after, I wouldn't do it. In your case, if your H agrees to James, then great! Otherwise, just choose something that has no ties to either family.  

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  • image Joyfullnoise:
    My husband gets no say in mn because baby gets his last name, and I kept my last name. I won't ignore him, but you are more cooperative than I.

    This.  Both my boys with have my maiden name as their middle name since the boys have his last name.  I think in your situation, your H is being unreasonable. 

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  • Looks like you're already decided (and to that, I say always go with a family name.  DS2's middle name is MH grandfather's name and I didn't particularly care for the man but he passed away when DS2 was 2 months old and never got to meet him.  In the long run I'm glad we passed on the name) but I really don't understand why you need to announce both names to family if you already know you aren't using one of them?

    I would advise not telling the name you aren't going to use, if for no other reason than people will know you aren't using it and feel free to give you all their thoughts on in.  "Good thing it wasn't a girl!" etc.  Because what if you get the opposite sex next time and still want to use the name? 

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  • I don't think you're horrible at all.  Both of you will have to live with this name choice for the rest of your lives.  Having a conversation about it is key, but if he has no real ties to his name choice, why should he deny you the name choice that you really care about and he even admits he likes?
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