April 2013 Moms

2nd Shower Etiquitte (family plus IL's?)

So my family has asked me if they can throw a shower for me, because our kids will be 4 1/2 years apart, plus this one is a girl.

Obviously I will keep it smaller than my first one, but I was wondering... would you invite the women from your H's side too, if no one from that side has mentioned doing something?  Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not expecting anyone to give me a shower by any means, I just am unsure what to do in the case of the IL's because I don't want them to feel "left out" or what not if they found out I had a shower and they weren't invited, nor do I want them to think I'm gift grabby if I put them on the list, or make them feel like they should or should have thrown something too.  KWIM?

ETA the shower obviously is a ways away yet, but I've been asked to start making a list of who I would want to invite so we can get an idea of the size.

Mommy to
Tyler (10/29/08)
and Lily (4/21/13)


Re: 2nd Shower Etiquitte (family plus IL's?)

  • I really don't know what etiquette would dictate but I would use my best judgement.  If your ILs seem like they would be the type to be hurt/upset by not being invited, be sure to include them. If you think they would perceive you as more "gift grabby" then I'd pass on inviting them. I think you really have to play it by how you think they'd react. 

    Perhaps you can nonchalantly ask your MIL how she would feel about being invited to your 2nd shower and gauge your invitations off her response. ?

    Good luck - sorry I'm not more help! 

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  • I would definitely invite them, only because my family would be offended if they weren't. ;) My family and dh's are big into celebrations and we don't really have the "shower etiquette" rules that a lot of people seem to in my circle. My MIL would fully expect me to invite dh's side and would give me a list of people to be sure to send invites to. You'll have to think about how your family would react and then decide!

     If they don't want to come, they don't have to! I'm sure you will get a lot of people telling you not to even have a shower, but do what feels right to you. Have fun! 

    Mommy to seven-year-old twins who are the joys of my life, and three sweet little ones in Heaven, including Miss Lily Grace who was lost at 20 weeks due to a cord accident.

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  • Invite them. I think 2nd showers are more common and they would feel left out. There is a chance people will bash you no matter what you do and you really can't do anything about that.
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  • It may depend on the relationship you have with your IL's but there is no way I could go without inviting my IL's...they would be very upset.

    My mom decided she wants to throw me a shower and this is my 3rd but my youngest is 9 so there is a significant gap.  I am ecstatic because we got rid of everything after DD#2 so we are starting all over.  I don't feel like I am being gift grabby at all, just wanting to celebrate our miracle with those around us. And, if you have 4.5 yrs between yours, that's plenty of time.  If it were 18 months, it may be a question, IMO.

    I personally think people over think baby showers.  You are not throwing yourself a shower so you are not being selfish or gift grabby, you are attending an event that is being planned for you by loved ones.  If others don't want to come, then they won't come, otherwise, take advantage of the attention and gifts.

    Married Loving Hubby - 4/8/06
    DD - 1/11/00; DD - 10/20/03; Newest addition - due 4/6/13

  • I would include the IL's, even if they dont want to come I think it doesnt hurt to send the invite to them

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  • I personally would probably invite them, but mainly because I am pretty close with my husband's family, especially his mom, sisters & a couple of aunts. Also, I love including everyone when I have something to celebrate. (We purposefully looked for the biggest hall we could afford when we got married, just so we would be able to invite everyone we knew, haha)

    Good luck with your decision.


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  • I will be inviting my MIL to the shower my friend and SIL are throwing. I probably won't invite DH's aunts and cousins to this one though so we aren't very close to them. They were invited (and a couple came) last time when the shower was thrown by the same friends. I'm just going to keep it smaller overall this time. I didn't expect showers this time, but my friends insist on throwing one here and my Mom insists on throwing one back home.


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  • Unless you think they will find the shower tacky and will refuse to attend, I say go ahead and invite them :)
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