Loss

I finally made myself go.

DH and I went to visit Mason's grave yesterday. It was the first time I had been there since his service. I'm not sure why I decided I needed to go right then. I'm also not sure if or when I'll be able to go back.
This has been such a hard week and the ones ahead aren't going to be any easier. Losing this pregnancy and undergoing the DnC when I should have been having Mason was so, so difficult. It brought back so much of the guilt and heartache.

Ladies, thank you all. This board is so amazing, plus it is so nice to know I am not alone.


"Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart"


BFP#1: EDD 10/19/2007 DD born 9/26/07 at 36 weeks due to PIH and Pre-E

BFP#2- EDD 12/23/2012 DS born 7/16/12 at 17 weeks due to PPROM and placental abruption
You will be in my heart forever sweet boy

BFP#3: EDD 7/30/12 MMC at 7 weeks, 2 days, D&C 12/14/12
BFP #4: 6/29/13- EDD 3/10/2014 DS born 2/22/2014
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Re: I finally made myself go.

  • ((Hugs))
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image Me - 41 DH - 28 **** Proud mom to Christopher, dob 7/15/92 **** Nathaniel dob 1/18/05 -1/18/05 (8 mos) in heaven **** bfp 8/26/10 m/c 10/14/10 at 7 wks. **** D&C 10/15/10 **** Cycles 1-4 BFN's **** Cycle #5 - 100 mg Clomid **** IUI #1 - 04/23/11 and 4/24/11 - 5/8/11 IUI #1 = BFFN BFP 10/14/11 - EDD 6/22/12** Stick little one Stick! Athena Jane 5/31/12 - 8/28/12
  • I'm so sorry.  The first visit is rough.  I remember trying to avoid it thinking it would somehow be easier later - which it wasn't.  I finally told myself (and is a mantra I use a lot) that "we've experienced the worst, nothing else is anything."  The first time was really, really hard.  Then it was ok for a while, then the engraving was done on his stone and it was hard again - made it more permanent.  Now I go quite a bit.  Sometimes when I need a good cry, sometimes when I just miss him and on special days.  I sometimes go by myself.  Sometimes with DH and sometimes with our dog too.  You are not alone.  If you don't go again or for a while, it's ok.  If you do, that's ok too.  Our babies are in heaven all playing with each other.  Wishing you peace and love.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

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  • ((hugs)) please don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong.
  • just sending you lots of hugs
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    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • Was thinking of you all weekend - lots of hugs from me, too.
    ________________________________________________________________________________


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  • I can understand that this is hard, but I believe that with time your anxiety will lessen. We chose to cremate our daughter and i keep her ashes in a little heart shape box.
  • It's tough. I go to just cry. It's a good think I'm mentally stable because a large part of me just wants to dig him up and take him home!
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