Loss

***Loss Check-In***

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Third Birthday tickers

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Re: ***Loss Check-In***

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Up until last night I would have said yes.  Slid really far back last night.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through the holidays.  We're hosting Christmas for the first time so I'm planning on really throwing myself into that to keep me busy and my mind occupied
    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?I start talking about Corbin until they're upset or uncomfortable to be perfectly honest.  It might be mean but it gets the point that my son existed across
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Corbin not being here for Christmas again and how bad it sucks because we'll have several Christmas's without him here.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really - I'm just maintaining, which is a good thing right now.What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm just trying to make it through my 2WW right now. I've been trying to keep myself busy until I'm either late or AF arrives.
    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened? I show them my memorial necklace to open up the conversation. Or I point them in the direction of my blog, to show them that Devon was very much alive, and his loss still very much affects me. I haven't had too many people completely write me off because of my loss, but I do realize that people probably don't know what to say now that time is passing and people are moving forward.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? This month, H and I didn't try but didn't avoid either. I have never, ever been this stircrazy during my 2WW. I hate that I am this anxious.Andplusalso, TB is driving me nuts with their changes that are making it hard for me to post, access my siggy and access my PMs.
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    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    No, I've taken huge steps back

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    Just to get through this month as quickly as possible

    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?

    Honestly, I've been avoiding everyone lately. I can't believe how insensitive the people who are supposed to care about me are..

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    My EDD is coming up in less than a week, and I'm heartbroken. I feel like I'm back in the first few weeks when my whole world came crashing down. I got a bfn today at 12DPO so I think that probably means I'm out for this month. I'm so upset about it cause it was the only thing that was keeping me hopeful...I just can't stop crying today. I'm angry cause my brother texted me the other day that his wife is 5 weeks pregnant...I'm pissed that he told me now and couldn't have waited until after the new year when their first appointment is. I can't believe they told me this week with my EDD coming up...:(

    Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
    I love you always, my beautiful girl.

    Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus

    My Ovulation Chart

    BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.

    6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!

    10/30/13-He's here!! Happy Birthday, Ryan! We love you so much! xo

    Lilypie - (Bfmg)

     

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No I'm still sliding back even faster now. 
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through Christmas so I can hopefully be outta this funk. I'm just so very, very, very depressed. Bri should be 11 months old and I should be getting excited for her first Christmas. I just don't know how much longer I can take this. I just want this yr to be done and hopefully a fresh start next yr.
    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?I don't get out much besides work and home and my sister kinda stopped saying stupid things for the time being. But if someone wanted to write of my DD I'd just show them a picture of her and ask how could someone take a picture of someone/something that doesn't exist?
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I wish I had Bri. It's unreasonable, I know, but that's the ONLY thing I want for Christmas. I want to have all of my kids with me and happy. That and how hellishly busy work has been. So crazy busy!
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Today will bring us more closure as its the burial. Everyday that passes is a step towards healing for us. I really heal from sharing and being immersed in a group like this that I can ask questions of and who unfortunately know the pain.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Getting through christmas is the next goal. We are going to get through it by knowing our limits and actually saying "no".
    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened? Luckily I have not encountered this, but its a difficult situation, depending on who it was I would probably just ignore it, some people have no idea what to say, or dont want to upset you further so they wont say anything
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm really struggling with getting over things "too quickly". I only cried once yesterday, and I am planning for the future and throwing myself into our move/new house. I think of them everyday but I feel like I shouldn't be as ok as I am.
    Lilypie - (5WpR)
    Me(26)PCOS, Hypothyroidism & Incompetent Cervix  DH(28)Azoospermia
    4/11 Off BCPs -- Cycle 1-3 (6months) - No ovulation, Provera
    Cycle 4-6 - Provera, Clomid 50mg, CD23BW - All BFN (HSG-all clear)
    Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
    TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
    IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
    IVF ICSI #2-  (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
    ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
    <312/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix <3
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
      LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term 
    IVF#3 - June 2013 -  canceled.
    IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
     ER 8/7 19R 9F 3dt of 2- 8BF embryos. (+HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1 - 82.8 Beta #2 - 821 Beta #3 - 7254
    9/11/13 - U/S shows 1 baby HR 135bpm! EDD: 4/30/13
    It's a BOY!!
    2/9/14 - DX Gestational Diabetes
    C-section scheduled for 4/7/14 (36w5d)
    Colin Joseph - 1:07pm 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
    Everyone Welcome!
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?*rainbow pregnancy mentioned*
    My DH really wanted my mom to take some maternity-type pictures of us in the leaves on Sunday. It was hard, but I made it through for my DH. I know it was important to him because he wants to make this pregnancy as different from Patricia's as possible. One of our props was a chalk board that said "Little Sister coming March 2013" and I drew a butterfly on it. It felt good to honor her like that. Also, I put on a full face of makeup for the first time since Patricia died.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Getting through the holidays! Thankfully, they should be really low-key and relaxed. We are not flying to visit extended family, so there will be no babies or children around.
    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?When I see people and they give the generic "Hi! How are you?!" I say "I'm okay, really missing my daughter." 
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Trying to be thankful for a job that I'm not particularly passionate about but that gives me two weeks off for the holidays (higher ed administration). 
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    No, nothing big. Still just trying to keep moving forward. Easier said than done some days.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    I'd like to work on Virginia's baby book over break. I work for the school system, so I have almost 3 weeks off for Christmas. I'm hoping to spend a big chunk of time to myself to getting more of her book done.

    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?

    I wear my memorial necklace, which says her name, and I also have her name tattooed on my wrist. If that's not enough, I make sure to bring her up in conversation. I don't necessarily shift the conversation to be about what happened to her, but I will say, "Before Virginia was born..." or, "While I was pregnant with Virginia...".

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    Today has been exactly 4 months since Virginia was born. Looking back at the first days and weeks, I have no idea how I've made it this far.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "...the lives of the noblest and strongest people prove that the endurance of hardship is the making of the person.  It is the factor that distinguishes between merely existing and living a vigorous life.  Hardship builds character."
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    Not really - it's all still so raw. If anything I feel like as time goes on it gets harder because it's more time between me and Zachary.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  

    I am going to go back to work next Friday for a 1/2 day. So incredibly nervous. I am lucky that I work in a supportive environment with an amazing and caring supervisor who doesn't expect much right now. 

    QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened? 

    I am still hibernating and only speaking to the people I choose. I haven't had this experience yet.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

     I recognize that I am in a very unhealthy place emotionally (I posted this earlier this week...) I don't want to eat or take care of myself physically. I think I am punishing myself, feeling like it was my fault that my body couldn't keep Zachary inside...or that it doesn't matter if I don't eat or if I exert myself physically because no one is depending on my body for life anymore. While I recognize it I have no desire to change it.

    We are also moving on Sunday. I am not sure if I am excited for a fresh start or sad to leave our current house. 

    DD 2.9.10 DS born sleeping 12.2.12
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I'm trying to think of myself as a whole,combine the picture before and after the loss.What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Not a particular goal, i will let my mind race until I get a little peace.QOTW: How do you get other people to acknowledge that you had a baby when they have been ignoring the fact like nothing happened?We moved recently and I do not know many people here, plus I work from home and I did not need to face this problem.Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I met a specialist and we talked of what might of happen to my daughter( I lost her at 36 weeks). The cord was 2 times wrapped around her neck. The doctor said that this is not a proofed cause of her death(30% of the babies are born with cord) I also had a flue vaccine few days before I lost her and had very bad reaction. There is some research that flue can cause miscarriage and stillbirth. The doctor was quite sure that this is not the cause. Autopsy was not done so we may have missed something. My daughter was slower with her kicks latter in the pregnancy and I thought that this is normal as she got cramped. I was wondering if this might have been a long running problem but most probably was not as she was big in size. In the end I do not have any explanation.
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