Attachment Parenting

Bedsharing/nursing toddler help

I've posted here before but that was months ago and I chickened out of any sleep training. Now I have a strongwilled toddler that is set in her ways. Hopefully someone can help me devise a plan because i am in need.

Another board recommended extinction. I'm just not sure I could ever do that. So, here is my story.

I know tl;dr but I would appreciate it if you did.

We have been bedsharing since day one. I stay with her for her nap around 2 hours! and bed time. I've tried leaving at different times in her sleep cycle to no avail. She always wakes up. I want her to get her sleep so I have been putting off "sleep training" and now it's getting down to the wire and it needs to be done.

I am returning to work in January and will be working evenings. My husband will have to put our 17 month old daughter 18 months then to sleep by herself. So we kind of have to get her in her own bed She will also have a sitter one night a week, so again, needs to be in her bed for that reason. And after 17 months of absolutely no me time, that might be a little nice too : Being in bed at 7pm isn't fun.

I nurse to sleep and back to sleep, she rolls over frequently during the night but at this point it is purely comfort nursing so I really need to figure out how to stop that as well and get her sleeping in her own bed. We converted her crib to a day bed. She hates being confined and is used to sleeping on a bed.

She has no idea how to soothe herself to sleep. And I even have trouble calming her at night if she gets worked up without the boob.

I'm not sure which program to try. We tried baby whisperer back in May. I lasted one day, she never slept at all and her crying never calmed down, only escalated. She might not have been ready then. She's strong willed.

I'm confused as to what order would work better as well. Cut out nursing to sleep and put her in her bed in one fell swoop? Stop nursing to sleep, then work on her bed? Nurse to sleep and put in her own bed then wean later?

And I have less than a month...am I s.o.l or do we have a chance?

Any tips or personal accounts you could give me, would be appreciated.

Thanks so much for all your help.
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Re: Bedsharing/nursing toddler help

  • OMG this is so me too. My toddler just turned 2 on Dec.6th. Exactly a week before that I was tandem nursing (her and my newborn) and I still co-sleep with BOTH and OH!!!!!! which means in the end mama gets no slep and the sleep I do get I am in weird shapes and wake up just as tired. . .

    I was on the verge of going insane so I stopped nursing cold turkey my older one. She had a hard time but not as bad as I thought, she can now put herself to sleep as before she had to nurse to sleep and nap and during the night. It was non stop. She was even cutting back on eating actual meals cause she wanted to strictly eat from the boob, which is also why I just had to stop. I am not stressed as much at all and am much happier when I run errands I dont have to nurse both in one sitting. She is also very strong willed and demanding and starting to throw fits. And boy is she loud. Anywho I finally weaned her as I have been wanting to do for like a year but like you, I get scared or felt bad and backed out. Now I am still stuck w/ her waking at night. She can sleep but she will wake up fully charged at like 2 & 4am and want to sleep all day. My 2nd thing is to get her to sleep in her own bed but idk how it'll wk cause she wakes up so much during the night.

    I will say even still I am tempted at giving her the boob so she doesnt throw such an intense fit during the night. Goodluck, I doubt this is even really an answer but I would try conquering one thing at a time.

  • Here's a link to Jay Gordon's method of night weaning. http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html It comes highly recommended around here.

    I'll be honest, I am in pain a lot lately because of my bed sharing toddler leaving me cramped/crooked. We are getting him a twin and setting up the bed in his room. Probably over the New Year break when I have a few days off work JIC things don't go wel. I plan to keep nursing him at night but I truly think at this point I am waking him up at night. We shall see.

    We are in a slightly different boat because LO sleeps fine without me there. Naps 2-3hrs alone after nursing to sleep and sleeps 3+ hrs at night before the first waking. 



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  • image Anxiousmami:
    OMG this is so me too. My toddler just turned 2 on Dec.6th. Exactly a week before that I was tandem nursing her and my newborn and I still cosleep with BOTH and OH!!!!!! which means in the end mama gets no slep and the sleep I do get I am in weird shapes and wake up just as tired. . .
    I was on the verge of going insane so I stopped nursing cold turkey my older one. She had a hard time but not as bad as I thought, she can now put herself to sleep as before she had to nurse to sleep and nap and during the night. It was non stop. She was even cutting back on eating actual meals cause she wanted to strictly eat from the boob, which is also why I just had to stop. I am not stressed as much at all and am much happier when I run errands I dont have to nurse both in one sitting. She is also very strong willed and demanding and starting to throw fits. And boy is she loud. Anywho I finally weaned her as I have been wanting to do for like a year but like you, I get scared or felt bad and backed out. Now I am still stuck w/ her waking at night. She can sleep but she will wake up fully charged at like 2 amp; 4am and want to sleep all day. My 2nd thing is to get her to sleep in her own bed but idk how it'll wk cause she wakes up so much during the night.
    I will say even still I am tempted at giving her the boob so she doesnt throw such an intense fit during the night. Goodluck, I doubt this is even really an answer but I would try conquering one thing at a time.

    Thank you. How long did it take before your Lo accepted not nursing to sleep? Were there a lot of tears? Line was up 5 hours lastnight and I just did a small pull off one time. I fear this will be hell. Haha. Glad it worked out for you. And tandem nursing/bedsharing?! I thought I was cramped :
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  • image BoogerBear:
    Here's a link to Jay Gordon's method of night weaning. http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html It comes highly recommended around here. I'll be honest, I am in pain a lot lately because of my bed sharing toddler leaving me cramped/crooked. We are getting him a twin and setting up the bed in his room. Probably over the New Year break when I have a few days off work JIC things don't go wel. I plan to keep nursing him at night but I truly think at this point I am waking him up at night. We shall see.We are in a slightly different boat because LO sleeps fine without me there. Naps 23hrs alone after nursing to sleep and sleeps 3 hrs at night before the first waking.nbsp;

    Thanks for the link. It seemed like such a long process when I have little time but it might be worth it in the long run. I tried it a few nights and kept falling back to sleep while she nursed. Not helpful ha. Good luck, I hope it goes well. You're right, not many seem to be in my exact.position when not being able to leave. Makes it difficult. Thanks for your advice :
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