3rd Trimester

Being Sensitive Or Not Funny?

Comments made by grandpa to be, who is housing me till after the baby is born.

1st: I asked for a dollar for a vending machine after running errands on only oatmeal for breakfast and was getting a headache. First comment in need of judgement: " do you ever stop eating or should I just drop you off at the grocery store so you have your pick" ( I'm 30 wks, gained like 9lbs for the whole thing) and then when I didnt laugh " relax would you, you have to eat for two now I get it"  (these made in public, crowded lobby)

2nd: 4 hrs after the first, with a massive headache he offered to buy me lunch, and I was rather hungry so I ordered and extra burger (a small one) with my combo and he looked so mortified he asked if I would go sit down and he would bring the food over. And on the way home he looked to me " I thought I was going to have to take a second job trucking for wendy's to get them more food after you had been there" (thank god it was in private)

3rd: Im on bed rest, with restrictions on stairs and lifting mainly. So I asked if he would mind lifting the jug of water up to the counter since the other one was now empty and I headed to the bathroom he muttered " why don't you do it, its only 10 lbs" and when I tried to say thank you and explain why I couldn't, thinking maybe he didn't remember (he's bad for forgetting things when tired" he got pissed off " I was F**king joking,  or did you need a cookie to make you feel better or shut you up"

4th: an action, 4 different points when I have tried to talk to him about things going on with my belly or things I have noticed since he has said my mother didn't include him at all he goes" let me take care of it for you" and then pretends to punch me in the stomach, and despite letting it go the first 2 times and then telling him I didn't think it was appropriate or funny the 3rd I get told to relax and stop having hemroids (sp)

I will take brutal truth if people think im being overly sensitive, I just wanted to know if I was getting upset for no reason or if others would find these comments hurtful or at least inappropriate. 

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Re: Being Sensitive Or Not Funny?

  • Well. Sounds to me like 1. He's a jerk and 2. Maybe you're setting yourself up for failure by including him in any conversation about your pregnancy.

    And I don't consider restrictions on lifting and stairs bedrest, but I'm a FTM on bedrest and it was told to me that bed rest equals bed ridden.
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  • Not funny, but sounds exactly like my father. Honestly, roll your eyes at him and walk away, Dad's can be jerks sometimes. :/
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  • The only thing I might have found somewhat offensive is the whole punching you in the stomach thing. Otherwise it really doesn't seem like he's trying to hurt your feelings on purpose. My dad is always making jokes about my eating and my size (I'm ALL belly) or making judgement on what I should or shouldn't eat.  Yea it gets old and is annoying but maybe it's just his way of being involved. Dads are not going to be all sentimental and excited like moms will, at least not usually. And maybe he doesn't know how to respond to you sharing these things with him since you said your mom never included him. My dad was very involved in my mothers pregnancy and he still makes awkward jerk sounding comments I just roll my eyes laugh and remind him I'm overly sensitive so he better watch it or I might cry (he hates when I cry thinks he has to try and comfort me and stuff)...
  • Sounds like he's an ass whether he's meaning to be or not. Try talking to him or getting mom to say something. But I honestly wouldn't engage him in conversation more than necessary...

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  • My take on this is that maybe it's just some weird Grandpa thing...like generation gap. The first two points seem like he was joking around & you got upset, then the third seems like he is frustrated that you aren't getting his jokes, and the 4th is just straight up weird. I wouldn't be okay with fake tummy punches either. 

    It's hard to tell the tone and such of the conversation...but since I don't know him or you at all and he IS being nice enough to house you closer to the hospital you need to be near I'm assuming what he is saying and doing is meant well, but said poorly. 

    People, MOSTLY MEN...ESPECIALLY OLDER MEN, don't understand how sensitive pregnant women can be about weight gain & eating and all that. My Grandpa always used to say things about how big I was or how I must have gained weight because I looked stronger (this is when I was younger), but to the old fashioned mind that is a compliment, it was a show of strength or whatever...he wasn't trying to be rude by it you know? 

    Like I said...hard to tell the meaning without hearing the tone and knowing the individual. I hope he is just coming across wrong! :) 
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  • I'm glad you're not going to be living with this man for much longer. He sounds remarkably insensitive, to an amazing degree. :( You're not being sensitive. He's being a bit manipulative and trying to make you feel bad, in order to make himself feel better. Saying, "I'm joking" afterwards does not excuse it.
  • I think you are being sensitive and expecting a bit much from a man that probably hasn't dealt with this situation before. My dad gets super awkward when I talk about pregnancy related things. It is just not their thing. Uncomfortable situations make people say stupid sh!t. Sounds more like he is just saying dumb man brain stuff than being malicious.
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  • 1st: NBD.  Tiny bit insensitive, but whatever.

    2nd: Really, dude?

    3rd: Don't cuss at the pregnant woman when YOU'RE purposefully being a jackass!

    4th:  OK, WTF is wrong with this guy?  

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  • image Ladymouse:

    1st: NBD.  Tiny bit insensitive, but whatever.

    2nd: Really, dude?

    3rd: Don't cuss at the pregnant woman when YOU'RE purposefully being a jackass!

    4th:  OK, WTF is wrong with this guy?  

    Yeah... I agree with this assessment. Maybe just stop talking to him about the pregnancy stuff. Hopefully he lightens up :( 

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  • He sounds like a douche. Nothing like that would ever come out of my dad's mouth. I don't think he should get a pass because of his age. My mom's boyfriend knows only to tell me I look great and that I'm glowing and never makes comments about my weight or food. My grandpa doesn't say anything about it unless I bring it up, other than asking me how I feel. I would avoid talking to him unless necessary and if he makes a crappy comment give him the death stare.

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  • In regard to food comments, ignore him and eat what you want.  You know how hungry you are, how much weight you have gained, and any concerns in that regard are between you and your OB.

    In regard to anything else, just stop talking to him about your pregnancy altogether.  He is being a d!ckhead, and it's no wonder your mother didn't include him at all.

    If he continues to be an a$shat about it, I would tell him exactly that:  "if this is how you talked to mom about her pregnancy, no wonder she didn't include you in any of it."  If that doesn't get through and strike a chord, then nothing will.


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  • He's being a d!ck. However, are you paying rent or helping with food costs while you are staying with him? If you are staying there and eating there without helping with the costs or chores, it could be bugging him. Rather than man up and say, "hey I'm stressed out" he is being a jerk. Talk to him. Tell him how much this stuff hurts you. 

    Why are you staying with your father? Where is your significant other in all of this? 

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  • image velazquezk1:
    Well. Sounds to me like 1. He's a jerk and 2. Maybe you're setting yourself up for failure by including him in any conversation about your pregnancy. And I don't consider restrictions on lifting and stairs bedrest, but I'm a FTM on bedrest and it was told to me that bed rest equals bed ridden.


    I think it depends on the doctor. I know my friends doctor called it "bed rest" when it was basically just restrictions. She told me bed rest had levels. (I'll have to ask her about that again. She had a lot more complications with her pregnancy's) I had Pree and was on bed rest, which meant for me only getting up to use the bathroom for 2 weeks. I was induced at week 37.

    Some guys are just more jerks than others. I'd ignore him as best your situation allows you to. Behind all teasing is the truth of how people really feel. I'm sure he just doesn't know how to deal with what is really bothering him. My Dad can be like that, but not quite as mean as this man.
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  • I second all PPs who said to try to leave him out of all pregnancy conversations.

    Don't keep repeating the same behavior patterns: you say something expecting sensitivity, instead you get jocularity or rudeness, you react, he gets irritated... Break the cycle yourself, since you can't wait on him to do it. He might enjoy teasing you, so you can't rely on him to change.

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  • I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughts. I know sometimes especially since being pregnant I can be a little sensitive so I appreciated the range of opinions and suggestions, they are going to help a lot! 

    image PrimRoseMama:

    He's being a d!ck. However, are you paying rent or helping with food costs while you are staying with him? If you are staying there and eating there without helping with the costs or chores, it could be bugging him. Rather than man up and say, "hey I'm stressed out" he is being a jerk. Talk to him. Tell him how much this stuff hurts you. 

    Why are you staying with your father? Where is your significant other in all of this? 

    He's finishing an unpaid practicum that has him moving from 3 different cities every couple of months, and since its unpaid hes staying with family friend and on couches to finish. So if it we rent with my father in a big city it would be with his parents in a very small city that required driving 3+ hours just to get an ultrasound and check ups :S 

    (to the bedrest thing) I keep calling it light restrictions and my doctor keeps correcting me to bed rest so I will " get the serious" limitations my body has already shown to have during this pregnancy at least. I always assumed it meant on bed all the time kinda deal. But I got tired of being corrected, and the lecture that came with it XD

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  • Maybe this is his way of being excited, or nervous? Some people use humour, regardless if it's your taste of humour or not.
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