April 2011 Moms

Help!!!!!

I need someone who is not family to help me figure what to do. My nephew is 18 months old and we are worried for him. His mother left him in our care when she left to supposedly go get her life straight. Yet she has been there 1 week and has already proven all she wants is to be laid. We are worried that she has sexually abused him as he is acting very strangely. He will not allow anyone to change his diaper at anytime and if you mention changing it he will run screaming from the room or into someone elses arms such as myself my father in law or my fiance. I gave him a bath earlier tonight and when I went to wash his genitals he started freaking out closed his legs and almost started crying. I stopped swiftly and he hugged me and calmed down slowly. His mother used to take showers with him and we would hear him crying and whining. We brushed it off as maybe he was just ready to get out and she wasnt. But at night they would be in their bedroom and we would hear him screaming at the top of his lungs for hours on end. Now that she is gone he seems happier most of the time but when we go to put him down for a nap or bed he starts screaming and throwing a fit like he does not want to go anywhere near that room. He's fine with the bathroom and our room and the laundry room just not that one. His mother used to make sexual comments when he was little about his penis becoming slightly erect whenever she changed his diaper, we all were furious and she stopped making those comments but I fear that she has done something to him. Please help with any advice you can give and please do not cuss me out I'm just looking for advice about what to do about the situation.

Re: Help!!!!!

  • I literally want to cry reading this.;( Poor little guy;( Thank God he is safe for now with you. PLease contact CPS...the police....  Make sure this is fully investigated so she cannot just show up and take him back.  He has no choice in the matter but you do!  Please call asap.  Even if on the off chance nothing happened you know you did what was right.  Thank you for taking such good care of him.
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  • Do you have the power to seek medical treatment for him? If so, I would definitely talk to a doctor about your concerns and they should be able to figure out what's at the route of his behavior. If its abuse, they will contact the authorities, and maybe you can get custody if you don't already have it, and they can help you figure out treatment. It's also possible that he just has a diaper rash or something similar. When DS does, even if its not very bad, he screams about diaper changes and baths. If you don't have the power to seek medical treatment, I guess you will have to go straight to the authorities, but if it is just a diaper rash, that would ruin your relationship with the mother. You know the situation best! I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

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  • I think what pp said about talking to a doctor you really trust first may be the best option.  Make sure you tell her the whole situation to see what she thinks you should do next.  However, if you are confident it is abuse I would just go straight to the authorities. To me it sounds like more than a diaper rash but you probably want to be sure it is not something health related first if you are having doubts. Whatever you do I would do it as quickly as possible.   Good luck.
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  • image TriciaChick:
    I literally want to cry reading this.;( Poor little guy;( Thank God he is safe for now with you. PLease contact CPS...the police....  Make sure this is fully investigated so she cannot just show up and take him back.  He has no choice in the matter but you do!  Please call asap.  Even if on the off chance nothing happened you know you did what was right.  Thank you for taking such good care of him.

    THIS!! CALL ASAP!

    you have the moral/ethical obligation to call CPS and the police. what you are describing is not right and an 18 month old should NOT be that scared of getting his diaper changed or a bath. DS doesn't like when i try cleaning his penis when i change his poopy diapers or washing it in the tub really...but he doesn't scream, he just kinda pushes my hand away which i totally respect and don't push it on him.

    please call   

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  • image 2u2wow:

    image TriciaChick:
    I literally want to cry reading this.;( Poor little guy;( Thank God he is safe for now with you. PLease contact CPS...the police....  Make sure this is fully investigated so she cannot just show up and take him back.  He has no choice in the matter but you do!  Please call asap.  Even if on the off chance nothing happened you know you did what was right.  Thank you for taking such good care of him.

    THIS!! CALL ASAP!

    you have the moral/ethical obligation to call CPS and the police. what you are describing is not right and an 18 month old should NOT be that scared of getting his diaper changed or a bath. DS doesn't like when i try cleaning his penis when i change his poopy diapers or washing it in the tub really...but he doesn't scream, he just kinda pushes my hand away which i totally respect and don't push it on him.

    please call   

    All of this. Please call. DS doesn't enjoy getting his diaper changed, and will run away, and hates when I clean his penis, but not to the extent of screaming. Something is definitely going on, and it's not good.  

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    Proud mama to a little boy with Horner's Syndrome and milk protein sensitivity, and a little girl with multiple food allergies. 
  • That is not normal in any way.  Take him to your pediatrician, tell them what you suspect and the reasons why and the pediatrician will have to report it to CPS in your state as a required reporter.  Be prepared to provide whatever contact information you have for "mom" to the pedi at the appointment and any law enforcement agencies that contact you.  This gives you a little cover from any fall out within the family -- I'm assuming you may be concerned about that given that your first line mentions seeking advice from outside the family.

    Did "mom" give you any formal paperwork establishing your custody while she's getting her life straight? At a minimum you should have something which authorizes you to seek medical care on his behalf and a copy of his health insurance card, immunization records, contact info for regular pedi... My gut says you don't want to take him to his pedi and its better to go to one you know & trust -- its possible he hasn't even been regularly to the pedi so "mom" could hide what was going on.

    I'm so very sorry for him and your family.  Please make an appointment immediately with pedi to investigate possible abuse, a child mental health professional to help your nephew, and a very good family lawyer to initiate emergency custody proceedings.

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  • Please please please contact CPS or the police. As someone who was sexually assaulted as a child this just makes me completely sick inside, and I'm aware of the long term damage it can have.  I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by being gentle and caring. It's certainly what he needs right now. Hopefully if you can stop it right away he will be too young to have any lasting damage.

     

    This makes my heart hurt...



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  • image MrsBabySmith:

    That is not normal in any way.  Take him to your pediatrician, tell them what you suspect and the reasons why and the pediatrician will have to report it to CPS in your state as a required reporter.  Be prepared to provide whatever contact information you have for "mom" to the pedi at the appointment and any law enforcement agencies that contact you.  This gives you a little cover from any fall out within the family -- I'm assuming you may be concerned about that given that your first line mentions seeking advice from outside the family.

    Did "mom" give you any formal paperwork establishing your custody while she's getting her life straight? At a minimum you should have something which authorizes you to seek medical care on his behalf and a copy of his health insurance card, immunization records, contact info for regular pedi... My gut says you don't want to take him to his pedi and its better to go to one you know & trust -- its possible he hasn't even been regularly to the pedi so "mom" could hide what was going on.

    I'm so very sorry for him and your family.  Please make an appointment immediately with pedi to investigate possible abuse, a child mental health professional to help your nephew, and a very good family lawyer to initiate emergency custody proceedings.

    All of this. Your pedi is required to report any suspicions you mentioned whether he/she found evidence to the state. Most likely, the pedi will send you to a specialist for tests. I'm glad he is in your care and hopefully he will feel safe soon. GL! 

    Mommy of two girls: DD1 4/14/9 DD2 4/15/11
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  • please keep us posted! T&P coming your way!
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  • We took him to a dr but my father in law did not want to point out what we were worried about because of past incidents with his daughter and wifes family. He never did anything but he did get accused of it. But he wanted the dr to try and figure out what was causing it by himself. I still worry but he is getting better now. He doesnt scream as much about it. I still worry but theres no way to try and at least get a lie detector test on the mother without causing essentially a world war 2 in the family.
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