December 2012 Moms

Mother rant...very very very long

I want to start with the fact that I love my mother...she just makes me insane occasionally.

She is coming in the 15th and staying for a while, which is great, I'll have somebody here while DH works and she really loves to clean and take care of things. However...She is sneaky and has pissed me off...

I have had a few complications early in the 3rd trimester and my doctors are not sure that I will make it to my due date. I say doctors because I have my normal OB and then the high risk doctors...both of which have given me 2 different due dates. Both are within a few days of each other, and baby is measuring a week ahead, so who knows when I'll have this kid.

Anyway, because of this my mother has decided that I will be home for Christmas with the baby...and she is staying after the baby is born until I snap and kick her out. Again, I am thankful for the support and help she wants to give...or I was.

I learned from my younger sister that she (mother) has decided to cook Christmas dinner at my house...for around 13 people. NO, she did not run this by me AT ALL nor did she talk to my husband. In fact, I stated in MAY, that I would not have Christmas at my house this year, there would be no food, festivities or ANYTHING at my house this year, and she agreed with me!!  back to the rant...Counted within these 13 people are 5 children, all of which are 2 and under. BTW, my nephew and sister have had MULTIPLE staph infections this year. And my brother in law (DHs brother) and his family live in a home that takes the word 'filthy' to a whole new level. These people will be in my house with potentially a newborn or a woman who is 40weeks pregnant...doesn't that sound like fun?!?!!! (Not)

She's also mentioned, when she was here for Thanksgiving that I don't need to worry about cleaning or trying to set up the air mattress in the office, she'll "fix everything" when she gets here....now, when I was in college and she'd come to visit and "fix" anything, I would come home from class to a totally rearranged house...or on one occasion a semi-packed house as she had bought one (in MY name) that morning and I could go ahead get ready to move. I'm mildly terrified.

Oh there is more...mother has invited my little sister and her children to stay in my house after I get home from the hospital. First of all...I don't even have a spare bedroom for my mother to sleep in much less another adult and 2 small children. Second of all, she did not ask me if I wanted people over, she's just inviting people stay with me!! Third, this is same sister with the the staph infections, a suppressed immune system, spoiled rotten 2 year old and a 4 month old. The two year old does what he wants, and I get in trouble with my mother when I correct or stop him...and the 4 month old has her days and nights mixed up...and when baby is up so is the 2 yr old. Now, my sister did ask me if I wanted her to stay, and I said sorry, but no, I think that might be too stressful for me at first. She was good with that, but is now semi-annoyed that my older sister is coming in January. Now, my older sister has teenagers who are NOT coming...and she's coming the 12th of January, not on the day I have the baby.

As for me having the baby.... Don't get me started on my mothers attitude about how I do not want anyone but hospital personnel and my husband in the delivery room. She's been trying to work her way around that since she found out I was pregnant. I swear that's why she is coming in early, so that she can take me to the hospital if DH is at work.

There will be a minimum of 6 people, counting my little sisters 2 kids...at the hospital when I have the baby...presuming they can all make the 6 hour drive before he's born...depends on how fast he comes I guess. Anyway, I'm really hoping the nurses are mean enough to keep them in the waiting room. My mother tends to railroad people to get what she wants, and I may lose my mind if all those people walk in the room.

Yes, I have spoken to her...to which she ignores me and just says I need to relax everything will be fine. My mother is the Queen of not hearing anything but the answer she wants. Meaning, she won't hear the answer 'no' ever, she just hears you say, 'ok, fine'.  I know in her head her cleaning, cooking and taking care of everything is helpful to me...she doesn't see that it's stressful to me. She sees that my little sister has 2 children and that I may want her support after my son is born, she doesn't see that it would be overwhelming. When I have, over the years, stood by my wants and not let her take over...she kicks in to her other role, the Queen of Guilt Trips, and I just don't have the energy to fight her. 

No, I haven't explained all of this to my husband. He would flip out, worse that I am, and ban her from the house...which would start a whole other level of chaos. What I have explained has only pissed him off, and he informed me that if he sees me getting upset, he's telling everyone "to get the f*ck out." His words, not mine.

i feel much better after the ranting...if you made it through all this I am very impressed. Now, I'm going to find my Gatorade and convince myself that no, I really shouldn't have ice cream for breakfast. :) 

Anniversary

Re: Mother rant...very very very long

  • Hmm, thats crazy! I say stand your ground and tell her no, its your house and your newborn baby. I am going to go through the delivery room issue with my mom, so not looking forward to it!
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  • Im so sorry to hear about all the stress and bombs dropped on you! Maybe all our mom needs is your dh to stand up to her and shell back down.... good luck.

    And ps. It is definitely ok to have icecream for breakfast. I had chocolate cake and an egg mcmuffin.
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  • I'd be telling her AGAIN that Christmas will not be at your house.  I would also tell all the guests she invited the same thing.  She may not listen, but they should. 

     

     

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  • I'm so sorry you are going throw all this at any time, especially now.  I know you said that you've tried speaking w/your mother about the dinner party, do you think you can recruit your sisters into helping speak w/your mother about not holding this party or maybe going out to dinner instead? 

    Your little sis - How would your sister feel if you asked her stay at a hotel instead of your home. 

    This is too much for you just to handle and keep in.  I say speak w/your husband, tell him you don't want him to say anything, but you need him as a sounding board.  

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  • I love long mom rants, because I find them reassuming that I'm not the only one with a crazy mother.

    In my case, it's actually a combo of my mom and older sister.  She's 16 years older than I am, so she asks like she's also my mother.  Anyway, my mom keeps asking when she can visit after baby is born and my sister has already informed me that she has time off in late December to come stay with us.  In theory, the extra help will be nice. 

    In reality, it won't be.  Neither are the type that will come and pitch in to help -- My mom has a bad back/other medical issues, so she'll mostly sit on the couch and expect to be waited on; my sister likes to control things and won't do what you ask/need and instead will tell you why her way is better (I should mention that she doesn't have children, and her authority is based up on her friends having kids 15-20 years ago).  Also, they're both already telling me all the things that I can't do while they're there -- For example, my ex-SIL would visit with them, but go to either her room or the baby's when she wanted to breastfeed or to put baby down for a nap.  I can understand not wanting to breastfeed in front of your MIL - heck, she's my mother and I still would want privacy while figuring out how.  My mom is adament that it's the rudest thing ever and that it's not a big deal for her to watch... afterall, we all have those parts.  Yeah, my body/my baby -- If I want to breastfeed in private, that's what we're doing. 

    Oh, and I only have one guestroom - queen size bed in it.  They can't sleep together because my mom snores.  My sister's answer to this is that she can sleep with me in our room, and SO can sleep on the couch.  Um, H*LL NO!  It's his house, and I'm not asking him to move out of our room so that she can sleep in a bed.  We'll have a new baby in the house... we want to be near her, and I want him there to help.

    I finally was a bit of a b*tch about it, and said that they can stay at a hotel if they come... and that we're limiting visiting hours.  And, that nobody gets to be in the room for delivery.  So far, they seem to be catching on, but I'm waiting for the guilt trip about it.

    So, long response to tell you that others are in similar situations.  Hang in there. :)  And, if all else fails, let your husband kick everyone out. :):)

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  • I don't know about your's but at my hospital, you can tell the nurses that there are certain people you do not want to visit, and who you want/don't want in the delivery room. Let the nurses be the bad guys, they don't mind, I think. 
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  • No offense, but there is a very simple solution to all of these problems- tell her NO.

    She clearly doesn't respect your boundaries and you need to be firm. Restate what you want, and then say, "I'm sorry you don't agree with me, but these are dh and I's rules, and if you cannot comply with them, then you will have to leave." 

    Quit stressing about your mom. She either shapes up and listens or she needs to go (or just not come, in this case). You will have enough on your plate once the baby comes!

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  • I'm so sorry - is it ok that even though I'd be a raving lunatic in your shoes - this actually made me LOL? Go ahead and have some icecream for dinner if you don't have GD. Maybe lo will come a bit early and you can get some rest before your mother shows up with her plans and groupies. I'll be praying for your strength, tolerance, and boundary setting. 
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