My birth story took a long time for me to be comfortable with. I had nightmares about it for weeks? If you read this, please know this is worst case, not normal....
I was at 41 weeks and being induced so my husband, whose ship was leaving the following week, could be here with me for the birth of our first son. We had been trying for 5 years, and gone through every fertility treatment imaginable, and on out second round of IVF we got lucky!
We went to the hospital at 3pm on Thursday August 16th, I was not dilated or effaced or anything despite a membrane sweet a week prior. They got us in a room and placed my IV real fast, then they inserted the cervadil and I was off! I had a slight headache and they checked my BP which was only slightly elevated to 145/90, so they took a urine sample and found protein in my urine, they took another and found more, and diagnosed me with Pre-E. And they began the magnesium drip. They told me it would make me hot, and my baby drowsy for 24 hours after birth. I could not drink anything, or eat anything, and I was so parched!
4 hours later I was 3cm and feeling the contraction but nothing I could not breathe through. They inserted the Foley bulb and that made my contractions worse, so I asked for an epidural, before things got too bad, which they came in to insert very quickly (slow day on the maternity ward), and as I waited for it to take effect the nurse would come tug on the Foley to help things along. Well about 2 hours later I was in pain, I was 5cm, and the bulb had come out, but still no relief with the eppi. So they gave me a shot of IV meds, started my Pitocin and re-did my eppi? We gave that another few hours and still no effect from the eppi; my contractions were very intense and I was maxing out the dose of Pitocin at 30 units. I could not have any more IV meds for another 2 hours and I was still at 5 cm. I could feel everything! The anesthesiologist said he had never seen someone the eppi did not affect even a little, but I was not numb at all! So they called in the supervising physician and he re-inserted my eppi a 3rd time. Again we waited and nothing happened, at this point they told me I was immune and would be doing this all natural. I could not even have any more IV meds, because they gave me so much in the eppi thinking I just needed more. I am a 5?6? tall, 140 lbs woman they were giving me enough meds for a 6?4? 250lbs man! I was not happy and it was hurting so much and my breathing was not working. My hubby was rubbing my back and helping all he could, but it was not getting any better.
At 6pm on August 17th the dr came in to check me, I was at 6cm, and not progressing at all. He told me the baby had flipped sunny side up and this was going to be hard, but if I was not pushing by 10pm then I would be having a C-section, he told me I was fighting the contractions too much and it was stalling my labor, well those were the magic words, and by 10pm I was ready to push! So I pushed! I pushed, and pushed and pushed! It was not working, so I rolled side to side, crouched, they even put up a bar over me to put my feet on and used a sheet like a rope to pull myself up in to a ball, and nothing happened. For 2 hours I pushed, and the pain was so bad that I was passing out between contractions, as soon as the contraction dipped down my husband told me I would fall back and look like I was sleeping and as soon as the contraction started up again I would shoot up and push! Still nothing was working, the dr told me it was the position of the baby and my tilted pelvis, he could not fit the way he was, he needed to be turned? So she tried to turn him internally. I thought I was going to die, I had never felt anything like that pain in my life, it did not work, he was wedged in, so she got another dr to try, again it was a fail, and then they got the senior physician on staff to try, this time while she was trying to turn my baby I screamed at her to stop, I could not take it anymore, it was too painful, even my husband who up to this point had been my rock was cracking. Then the worst thing I could ever imagine, my babies heart rate dropped, and they rushed me in to the OR for an emergency C-section at 1am. I was terrified! I did not want to lose my baby, and I had been working so hard! They nurses and doctors all told me that I was dealing with the pain like a pro! They said most women would have folded and begged for the C-section hours ago! They told me not to worry; they would do everything they could! And then they were literally running down the halls to the OR.
Only one problem for me once we got there, the eppi did not work, and I had been given so much pain medication at this point they did not know how I would react to anymore, so they game me what my husband calls ?I Don?t Care? medication, which makes you not care about anything? Well while they did my surgery I could feel it all! I kept telling the doctors I could feel it and I still cared, it was so terrible, but the anesthesiologist just kept pushing the meds, and then I heard my son scream! 1:17am August 18th, (7lbs, 1oz, 21 ? inches long) he cried and cried and cried! And then it all went black.
My husband later told me that they rushed him and our son out of the OR; I almost bled out on the table. I began to hemorrhage; they could not get the bleeding to stop. I almost ended up with a hysterectomy. Finally they got the bleed under control, and got me sewed up and a blood transfusion. They wheeled me to recovery where my husband and baby were waiting, and my husband was fighting off the nurse trying to feed our baby a formula bottle, he was still crying and had not stopped. The nurse with me told me if I did not wake up and feed this baby they were going to have to give him formula. And I shot up and as soon as my baby was placed in my arms, he quieted, looked at me, and we just watched each other for a few min, and then I offered him my breast and he latched on and ate like a pro! Perfect latch and perfect first time feeding! I could not have been happier! I was in heaven! This was how it should have felt! It should have been like this after I pushed him out! My poor guy had severe bruising and some cuts on his head from my pushing him against my pubic bone. Later that day at 10pm the Pedi came in and told us he had jaundice and had to sit under the billy lights for 12 hours. He also was losing too much weight, he had already lost 1 lb., and he was having trouble passing the magnesium through his system, he was too sleepy. This was where I lost it again! Still recovering from surgery, coming down off the meds, traumatic birth, and now my baby was sitting next to me screaming his head off under the lights and the staff was telling me I was not feeding him enough to counter his weight loss.
My baby had to sit under the lights in our room and I was not allowed to touch him or hold him except to feed him every 2 hours and he could only be out of the lights for 20 mins at a time. I had not slept since Wednesday night before we came in Thursday for my induction, and I was a mess! But after he came out of the lights they had a lactation consultant come talk with me, and she told me I was doing great, and he was eating very well, and not to worry he would make up what he lost in no time! I spent 5 days in the hospital with my baby and when we got home it was the best feeling ever! I was relaxed and calm and we napped together and it was amazing!
Every day I look at my little guy and think it was all worth it! 100% worth it! But I had nightmares about it for a while, I could not forget, and now he is almost 4 months old, and its finally starting to fade some, I don?t shutter when I think about it, I am even willing to consider doing it all over again for another baby someday. I am sure there are people who have gone through more than I did, but this was major for me, it was hard to do and hard to recover. So whenever I need a reminder of why I just hold my little guy and love him so much more! )
I know this was long! Thank you for reading if you make it this far! )