1st Trimester

pgAL come in

I am curious if I am the only one feeling this way. 

My first loss was my first pregnancy. When I found out i was KU I was so excited! I would talk to my stomach, think about the weeks to come, talk names with dh, nurseries, cribs, clothes etc. I felt this unspoken bond with my soon to be baby. I was ecstatic.  

When I had my loss, i felt broken. i was devistated. I had grown so attached and now it was gone.

 This pregnancy, I feel like emotionally i cannot get attached. I barely acknowledge its there. I guess i am scared of going through that again. It's like a but an mental and emotion space there so I wont get too attached and heartbroken again. 

I feel a bit cheated that I cant have the joyous excited first trimester that as a first time mom I should be entitled to.  Sad 

I am just wondering if I am alone on this. 

imageimagephoto proudEPer2.gif
      BFP #1: 7/18/12, M/C 8/6/12 @6weeks  Missing our April Angel
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Re: pgAL come in

  • You are definitely not alone.  I feel the same way.  Its going to take a while for me to get emotionally attached and excited. 

    I will probably relax a little after our first u/s on 12/20 (assuming everything goes well).

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    BFP # 2: 9/6/12 - M/C 9/25/12
  • image shelbell1028:

    You are definitely not alone.  I feel the same way.  Its going to take a while for me to get emotionally attached and excited. 

    I will probably relax a little after our first u/s on 12/20 (assuming everything goes well).

    I thought that too! Thankfully there was a heartbeat at 6ws. I thought then I would be ok. Still has not sunk in. I am constantly nervous and scared. I hate this! 

    imageimagephoto proudEPer2.gif
          BFP #1: 7/18/12, M/C 8/6/12 @6weeks  Missing our April Angel
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  • You are not alone! I know exactly how you feel. I'm doing the same thing. I had a missed m/c at 9 weeks in sept. It was discovered at my 1st appt. With that pregnancy we already started talking about what room would be the new LO's and what names we liked. Even when my DH starts talking about next summer and how we will have a newborn I say let's not talk that far in advance yet. It's like I can't get excited or tell anyone until I go to my 1st appt which isnt for another 2 1/2 weeks. I analyze every little thing and feel like every time I wipe I'm just waiting to see blood. It sucks
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  • You are so not alone. When my husband and I got pregnant last year we were so very excited, it was our first pregnancy, first baby, we've been together 8 years, married for 3 and were TTC for 6 months. We starting buying baby stuff, told our family, I would fall asleep at night with my hands over my belly dreaming about the days and weeks to come.

    At my first ultrasound at 11 weeks, turns out I had an arrested (missed) miscarriage and the baby had stopped developing at week 6 and my body just wouldn't pass it. For 5 weeks I dreamed about our child, decorated the nursery, bought clothes etc. all the while the baby was not alive :( So devastating. I had to get a D&C and deal with telling everyone the horrible news.

    So after another YEAR of trying, we are pregnant again and all I can do is worry. Is everything going ok? Is baby progressing? Am I going to lose this one again? Have I had another arrested miscarriage again and won't know for weeks and weeks??

    I can't get excited, just worrying all the time. I truely can't help it.

    We haven't shared the news with anyone yet and I'm 9 weeks, and have seen the heartbeat, but still don't feel in the clear at all ... 

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  • I was crazy excited to get pregnant after I lose my first one a few years ago...but once I got pregnant and still now I feel numb. I don't have any crazy over emotional feelings...I feel like im a horrible mom already but I guess itll just take time.
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  • I'm feeling the same way.  I am hoping I feel better if things go well at my first u/s on Friday, but I also think I won't be able to settle into it and really get excited until after the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage has mostly passed. 

    Although today when I was feeling sick, I blurted out "hey, do you want some toast?" to the baby, so maybe I am getting more attached already.  =) 

    ~ BFP #1: 10/6/12, CP 10/18/12 @ 5w0d. ~
    ~ BFP #2: 11/13/12. EDD 7/25/13. ~
    ~ It's a BOY! Grow little guy, grow! ~ BabyFruit Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image brittnicole2011:
    I feel like im a horrible mom already but I guess itll just take time.

    This! me too. I gave my angel baby so much love and "emotions" and this one none. I wish I can have that first time mom experience. I feel like I've depriving my child of any emotional connection.

    imageimagephoto proudEPer2.gif
          BFP #1: 7/18/12, M/C 8/6/12 @6weeks  Missing our April Angel
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  • You're absolutely not alone and it's very normal. I also was so thrilled the first time because pregnancy = baby. Now this time I can't help but feel that pregnancy = pregnancy but not necessarily = baby. I'm thrilled to be pregnant, but it's not the same this time around.
    BFP#1: 7/19/12 EDD: 03/15/2012 M/C: 7/28/12 - I love you always, Lily!
    BFP #2: 10/28/12 EDD: 07/09/13 

    My beautiful little rainbow baby girl born July 16th, 2013.
  • You are definitely not alone. I didn't start feeling excited until after I passed my loss milestone at 9w, and I have only really been getting very excited in the past week or so.
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  • It's terrible, isn't it?

    Last week, on the way to my NT scan, which is when we found out we lost our first, I found myself talking to baby. Imagine how bad I felt when I realized it was the first time I had even talked to shim. It really hurt, because I talked to our first all the time, even apologizing when I would say bad words in traffic. Ha. (All the while knowing it would be a while before baby could hear, much less years before it understood the words coming out of my mouth.)

    It's tough. Every day is full of fear. I have an appointment tonight with my OB, and as I hugged my partner goodbye this morning, my mind wandered to if that would be the last time we embraced knowing I'm pregnant and everything is going well with baby.

    It took me a long time to recover from our loss in January, and I spent a long time trying not to get attached to our little Otter, for fear of it happening again. But after seeing baby bouncing around on our ultrasound last week, I knew I could no longer pretend that it wasn't happening, and I could no longer pretend I didn't love shim.

    You are not alone, and I hate it for every one of us. 

    photo AlbumsWideColorBump_zps1797df63.jpg

    We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.

    “So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
  • I feel the same way- I'm scared to get too excited.  I'm creeping up on my week to get past (9 weeks) soon.  So until I can get through even that week or the week after and everything is fine- maybe then I'll feel better.  We were talking names the other night- and I want to do that bc it's fun but I dont want to have another loss.  So I'm there with you!  Hang in there- soon we'll be in the 2nd trimester and hopefully we'll be able to relax a little bit more.

     

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  • I feel the exact same way.  I almost feel robbed to be honest.  I was so excited the first time around, and admittedly got carried away with buying a few things and talking names.  This time, I don't even want to think of the end result until we see a heartbeat.  I am hopping I will start to feel excited then.
    TTC#1 Me-31 low AMH (0.37) DH-32 perfect

    BFP 10/19/2011 missed MC D&C 11/22/11

    1. Femara (7.5 mg) only - BFN

    2. Femara + Ovidrel+ TI - 2-3 follies- BFN

    3. canceled cycle due to cysts

    4. Femara + Ovidrel + IUI - 2 follies and 38mil post wash sperm - BFP!

    7/27/2012 our precious baby boy was welcomed into the world via c-section.


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  • You are definitely not alone. I'm trying hard to relax about everything but I'm definitely not as excited as I was with my previous pregnancies. I'm hoping more excitement will come as I begin to show and feel kicks.

    Married to the love of my life 8/14/09
    Our sweet little Easton was born at home 3/15/12
    Suprise BFP! 09/20/12 natural m/c 10/09/12
    Baby Heidi was born at home (picture perfect homebirth!) 7/28/13
     imageimage

  • image mystererae:
    You're absolutely not alone and it's very normal. I also was so thrilled the first time because pregnancy = baby. Now this time I can't help but feel that pregnancy = pregnancy but not necessarily = baby. I'm thrilled to be pregnant, but it's not the same this time around.

    I have been thinking this exact same thing.  The whole time TTC, I just wanted that BFP.  After having a loss, you realize that BFP = potential baby, and only if you can navigate the 1000 landmines ahead of you.  Ugh.

    ~ BFP #1: 10/6/12, CP 10/18/12 @ 5w0d. ~
    ~ BFP #2: 11/13/12. EDD 7/25/13. ~
    ~ It's a BOY! Grow little guy, grow! ~ BabyFruit Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image mystererae:
    You're absolutely not alone and it's very normal. I also was so thrilled the first time because pregnancy = baby. Now this time I can't help but feel that pregnancy = pregnancy but not necessarily = baby. I'm thrilled to be pregnant, but it's not the same this time around.
    This resonates with me too.  You're not alone, peanut!  But I'm really glad to see you on first tri!  :) 
  • Not alone. I'm 17 weeks now, and I still am not all babycrazy yet. I hope that I'll start to feel something more after my a/s on Christmas Eve. But really I just busted into this thread to say you need to get your purple butt over to PgAL board. We're nice, although we really never do bite, even maybe sometimes when we should. ;) Anyway, I was thinking about you, and came over here to stalk you, and here you are. Hope you are not too sick. Enjoy your cruise.
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    BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
    BFP#3 "Pineapple" 8/30/12 ~ EDD 5/15/12 ~ Stick, baby, stick! Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I feel like it's normal to feel that way. After our first ultrasound I started to get excited and I feel like after my 12 week appointment when my OB will use the doppler to listen for the heartbeat I'll relax even more.

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  • A PGAL brain is never the same. Even now, I have loss thoughts. It gets easier the further you get but never goes away fully. You will find ways to enjoy pregnancy as you progress!
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