I am curious if I am the only one feeling this way.
My first loss was my first pregnancy. When I found out i was KU I was so excited! I would talk to my stomach, think about the weeks to come, talk names with dh, nurseries, cribs, clothes etc. I felt this unspoken bond with my soon to be baby. I was ecstatic.
When I had my loss, i felt broken. i was devistated. I had grown so attached and now it was gone.
This pregnancy, I feel like emotionally i cannot get attached. I barely acknowledge its there. I guess i am scared of going through that again. It's like a but an mental and emotion space there so I wont get too attached and heartbroken again.
I feel a bit cheated that I cant have the joyous excited first trimester that as a first time mom I should be entitled to.
I am just wondering if I am alone on this.
Re: pgAL come in
You are definitely not alone. I feel the same way. Its going to take a while for me to get emotionally attached and excited.
I will probably relax a little after our first u/s on 12/20 (assuming everything goes well).
I thought that too! Thankfully there was a heartbeat at 6ws. I thought then I would be ok. Still has not sunk in. I am constantly nervous and scared. I hate this!
You are so not alone. When my husband and I got pregnant last year we were so very excited, it was our first pregnancy, first baby, we've been together 8 years, married for 3 and were TTC for 6 months. We starting buying baby stuff, told our family, I would fall asleep at night with my hands over my belly dreaming about the days and weeks to come.
At my first ultrasound at 11 weeks, turns out I had an arrested (missed) miscarriage and the baby had stopped developing at week 6 and my body just wouldn't pass it. For 5 weeks I dreamed about our child, decorated the nursery, bought clothes etc. all the while the baby was not alive So devastating. I had to get a D&C and deal with telling everyone the horrible news.
So after another YEAR of trying, we are pregnant again and all I can do is worry. Is everything going ok? Is baby progressing? Am I going to lose this one again? Have I had another arrested miscarriage again and won't know for weeks and weeks??
I can't get excited, just worrying all the time. I truely can't help it.
We haven't shared the news with anyone yet and I'm 9 weeks, and have seen the heartbeat, but still don't feel in the clear at all ...
I'm feeling the same way. I am hoping I feel better if things go well at my first u/s on Friday, but I also think I won't be able to settle into it and really get excited until after the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage has mostly passed.
Although today when I was feeling sick, I blurted out "hey, do you want some toast?" to the baby, so maybe I am getting more attached already.
~ BFP #2: 11/13/12. EDD 7/25/13. ~
~ It's a BOY! Grow little guy, grow! ~
This! me too. I gave my angel baby so much love and "emotions" and this one none. I wish I can have that first time mom experience. I feel like I've depriving my child of any emotional connection.
It's terrible, isn't it?
Last week, on the way to my NT scan, which is when we found out we lost our first, I found myself talking to baby. Imagine how bad I felt when I realized it was the first time I had even talked to shim. It really hurt, because I talked to our first all the time, even apologizing when I would say bad words in traffic. Ha. (All the while knowing it would be a while before baby could hear, much less years before it understood the words coming out of my mouth.)
It's tough. Every day is full of fear. I have an appointment tonight with my OB, and as I hugged my partner goodbye this morning, my mind wandered to if that would be the last time we embraced knowing I'm pregnant and everything is going well with baby.
It took me a long time to recover from our loss in January, and I spent a long time trying not to get attached to our little Otter, for fear of it happening again. But after seeing baby bouncing around on our ultrasound last week, I knew I could no longer pretend that it wasn't happening, and I could no longer pretend I didn't love shim.
You are not alone, and I hate it for every one of us.
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
I have been thinking this exact same thing. The whole time TTC, I just wanted that BFP. After having a loss, you realize that BFP = potential baby, and only if you can navigate the 1000 landmines ahead of you. Ugh.
~ BFP #2: 11/13/12. EDD 7/25/13. ~
~ It's a BOY! Grow little guy, grow! ~
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16