March 2013 Moms

so scared to give birth..

I don't know why this just hit me all of the sudden, but I'm terrified to give birth! I've been watching a baby story all morning and it seems like the women are in so much pain, even when they have had an epidural! I have a low pain tolerance and I think just the thought of having no idea what it's going to feel like scares the pants off of me! Anyone else? Or am I being a big baby. 
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Re: so scared to give birth..

  • If you are being a big baby....well...I am right there with you!  I was reading the Birth Stories on this website and it scared the crap out of me!

    I have no advice....just wanted to let ya know you are NOT alone!

  • You should probably try reading/watching something empowering.  The media these days makes birth seem like worse that torture, but that is just because it's more sensational.

    Try reading some of the natural birth stories on the Bump, or read Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth.  It has 100 pages of stories of real women who gave birth without drugs, and not only survived, but some of them even had orgasmic births.  If women can do it without drugs, then you can certainly do it with or without drugs too!

    If you think of this as something that your body is MADE FOR, instead of something that is painful, you will have a better experience.  I am feeling very calm about the whole thing, and I think that's partially due to the reading I've done, and partially due to realizing that what you see in a movie is not the same as what happens in real life.  Besides, even if there is a little pain, isn't the reward totally worth it?

    Something else to keep in mind: the human mind is not capable of remembering the feeling of pain.  So while you might experience some pain for a few days, you will forget it. 

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  • I'm not reading or watching anything about it. Only read positive stories if you do read! That's what I'm doing anyway ;
  • They would never put a "boring" birth on TV, because no one would want to watch it. Don't judge how birth is going to go based on what you see on the internet or TV. My labor was so boring, I slept for a couple of hours (once I had an epidural). Talk to your mom, friends, or anyone else who's had a baby before. Tell them you're nervous and want to know what to expect. If they start giving you horror stories, they're drama llamas and want to scare you for fun. It's not always bad--I promise.
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  • the only "easy" birth I've seen on TV was when Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to Mason, and pulled him out herself.  She seemed so calm during the whole thing, I hope my birth goes that smoothly! 
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  • Oh I am so there with you!!  I am terrified at the unknown.  I mean you can ask people all you want, but every woman is different so you never know what is coming.  AHHH!  It's scary to think about!  
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  • I fully planned on the epidural with DS. It didn't work because as soon as they gave it to me his heart rate started dropping and I had to lay on my left side to keep his HR up. It was pretty painful, but not something I couldn't handle.

    The only regret I have it not researching any other pain management techniques because I planned on the epidural. When it didn't work I was all worked up for a few minutes, thinking how am I going to do this, etc. I had an amazing labor nurse who never left my side, helped me breathe through contractions, put hot/cold packs on my back and fed me ice chips. She got me through it. This time I might opt do go without the epidural, since I did it last time, even though it wasn't my plan.

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  • As a point of refernce, I have given birth and those stories/books scare me.  I didn't read anything the first time around but this time, I have been and I couldn't beleive how scary they make it.  It really isn't as awful as it seems.  I would read good stories about babies and jsut understand the labour principles but turn off the tv :)

     

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  • I had my mom with me for my first. It really helped seeing how she went through it six times. You just need to relax and not be so worried. It's not going to help you when labor starts.
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  • 1.  Stop watching those terrible birth shows.  They are not reality.

    2.  Read some natural birth books.

    3.  Don't listen to horror stories on here or in person.

    4.  Read some natural birth books.

    5.  Educate yourself about birth.  As a PP said, my epi did not work, so you really need to be educated on other ways to cope.

     6.  Repeat #2&4 until you feel empowered, not scared. 


  • I don't think you're being  a baby lol When I had dd, I was young, only 20 and had not even thought about the whole labor and delivery process. And when it was time, it actually wasn't too bad. Yes, the contractions are not fun and hurt like a mother, but you really forget all about it once you're holding you're LO. Of course, not every delivery is the same, but I think instincts kick in. Don't worry I'm sure you will do great :)
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  • I remember being scared my first time. Nervous my second, and I'm still a nervous going into my third.

    What I remember most, though is this: Once you're in the moment, you're in the moment, and you'll amaze yourself with what you're capable of. Kind of how most of life's "scary moments" go, right?

    ETA: In my experience, it wasn't even half as scary as I had it built up in my head to be.

    DD- 11/17/08, DD- 11/16/09, DS- 3/20/13 
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  • image sdemilio1231:
    I don't know why this just hit me all of the sudden, but I'm terrified to give birth! I've been watching a baby story all morning and it seems like the women are in so much pain, even when they have had an epidural! I have a low pain tolerance and I think just the thought of having no idea what it's going to feel like scares the pants off of me! Anyone else? Or am I being a big baby. 

    I am the biggest baby and I was terrified of giving birth. I had even told my DH that we were adopting because I had not interest in giving birth. DH wasn't on board with that ;) In my case giving birth really wasn't what I was expecting.  I told DH right after giving birth to DS that "I could do that again, why does everyone make it sound so scary?" And DH replied, "because women hate each other." That really made me laugh.

    My two boys are getting a surprise May 2015!

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  • I was scared with my first.  This is my 4th and I am looking forward to it.  I watched a baby story the first time I was pg and I am sure that didn't help.

  • I agree with PP's that they pick the interesting ones to put on TV.  From the beginning of their screening process, they'll pick high-energy, high-drama people since it makes for better TV.  So don't worry about the shows (which I too watch almost every morning!).

    I've decided to not sweat it.  Ultimately, it's just one day out of my life that will suck in SOME form (not going to be all smiles, I'm sure), but it's just one day.  I'm going to do what I can to learn about pain management, but it's just one day that I'll never have to experience again, and the prize at the end is the important thing.  

    TTC #1 since April 2010
    BFP 4/18/12, M/C 4/27/12 at 6w6d
    BFP 7/1/12 - Counting down to our little girl, EDD 3/8/13
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  • I share your fear! I too have a low pain tolerance and am terrified, but I've written my birth plan which has helped. Even though I know things don't always go as planned it just helps me focus. Second, I can't read those stories or watch because I have an anxiety disorder to begin with. Without it I'd be a nervous wreck so having it my doctor cautions me to not borrow trouble. Finally, I am just trying so hard to have faith that God and the people who love me will help me get thru it.
    I found it a little comforting when I had a kidney stone a few weeks ago and the dr said if I could get thru that child birth would be a piece of cake.
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  • I find watching "I didn't know I was pregnant" right after the baby story helps...  there was one today where she pushed like once!

    I will confess I'm also scared, but I do have a lot of uncertainty around my delivery; hope to have some of these questions figured out in the next month. 

    *** DS born February 21, 2013 - Toronto, Canada  ***
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  • I am scared as well...

     I found this article, and, while it isn't about childbirth, it seemed to help me a bit. It's about how pain happens with a purpose. In this case, a REALLY GOOD purpose.

     http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2012/11/28/what-can-learn-from-pain/

    I hope this helps!

  • I suggest not watching things like that. Try watching The Business of Being Born. Amazing movie and I found it completely inspiring and empowering! Also, I found the book Hypnobirthing really calmed any fears I had. Remember, women have been doing this for thousands of years and giving birth is something our bodies were designed to do.  

    Also, most of the women on shows like that and they pump them full of piticon. It makes labor SO much worse. 

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  • I agree about reading/watching things that are empowering! 

    Also, from someone who has delivered twice before, you will be fine!  It is normal to be scared - I remember before giving birth the first time, when I would get like that I would just remind myself HOW MANY women have done it, lol.  

    I got an epidural both times, no regrets.  Piece of cake, actually!  lol... (would not have done it w/o the epidural though!)  

    Now, as for my thoughts on having a c/s.... whole other story!  (terrified if I had to have one!)

     

     

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  • I was like you the first time around.  This time, it's what I'm most excited for.  Is it all fun?  No.  I had a great epi and there were of course moments that stunk pain-wise, but overall it was by far the most amazing experience of my life.  The pain was managable but not fun, the epi mostly helped, recovery wasn't horrible and finally holding your baby is really indescribable.  I remember hearing all the women in my faculty room talk about their birthing experiences and I'd be thinking "what is their obsession with birthing?!".  Once you go through it you realize what a crazy and amazing experience it is.  I'm now one of those women that I thought were so weird prior to having DS.

    I would just try to stay relaxed about it and take it as it comes. 

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  • Yes to The Business of Being Born.  And, search on YouTube for Hypnobirthing/Hypnobabies videos of labor.  The whole concept behind Hypnobabies is that our mindset makes labor into this very scary, awful thing, when, in fact, this is what our bodies are meant to do.  The two people who have helped influence that mindset the most are my mom and my mother-in-law who both had natural births and they said to me, "You can absolutely do this."  

    I'm taking the Hypnobabies course now and one of the major things it tackles is getting rid of the fear associated with labor, created largely in part by shows like The Baby Story.  Think about the labor/delivery on The Baby Story in the same way as you'd think about the marriages you know versus the ones depicted on reality TV shows.  I have never met a single couple who has as insane of a marriage as any of the reality TV couples and I think that probably is the same with labor/delivery.

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  • I want to add that of course you are feeling nervous now, but something amazing happens physically, emotionally, and mentally when you are 40 weeks along, as big as a whale, super uncomfortable, and eager to meet your baby. YOU BECOME READY! I am serious. I ended up 11 days late with my 1st, and I was so big and uncomfortable that I could not wait to get labor started even though I was generally freaked out about childbirth up until then.

    I would also add that you should trust your body, it knows what to do, and when the time comes you will be able to handle it.


  • As someone who is also terrified of childbirth, I have to say the advice given here already is really encouraging!

    You can't generally change how this baby is coming out of you (babies have the worst exit strategy EVER, don't they?),  and its not worth allowing your fear to define your whole pregnancy (or life, for that matter).  Yes, it's one day that'll really suck, but we'll all get through it (again, you don't have much of a choice!) and we'll soon forget about the unpleasantness once we are holding our babies for the first time!  (Plus, you could probably have given birth several times over in the amount of time you've likely spent worrying about giving birth ;) That always helps me put my worrying in perspective.)

    Oh, and +1 on not listening to horror stories or watching A Baby Story on tv.  Not everyone can handle that kind of graphic footage.  I'm also strongly in agreement with the comment that once a woman gets to 40 weeks, she's probably so uncomfortable and ready to be done with pregnancy that she's looking forward to labour.   I'm already starting to feel a bit whale-like (not even that big, yet!) so I can only imagine how fed-up I'm going to be in another 3 mos time.

    Stay positive and try and have a sense of humour about it all...  You'll get through it and will likely surprise yourself in the process! 

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  • Maybe don't watch that show. I have seen it a couple times (not prego at the time) and it made me not want to have kids. But it is TV it needs to be entertaining otherwise no one would watch it. Get some books on childbirth if you want to look into it, also take a class or something. But as for that show turn it off it will just freak you out :)
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  • image shibby00:

    1.  Stop watching those terrible birth shows.  They are not reality.

    2.  Read some natural birth books.

    3.  Don't listen to horror stories on here or in person.

    4.  Read some natural birth books.

    5.  Educate yourself about birth.  As a PP said, my epi did not work, so you really need to be educated on other ways to cope.

     6.  Repeat #2&4 until you feel empowered, not scared. 

     

    Well said!!!!

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  • I have to say I am so glad I am not alone ladies! I am a FTM and I always kid around with DH that I would just adopt because I didn't want to mess up my lady parts hahaha :) 

    I have always had a high tolerance for pain so I am just curious how I will make out. 

  • You mean they dont wave a magic wand and she will appear, painlessly, in my arms?

    I am right there with you. Completely petrified. Have no idea what to expect or how I will handle it.....

    TTC #1 with PCOS since 1/10

    6/10-10/10 Clomid 100&150mg~ cancelled,no response,Provera

    11/10 Gonal F+Lupron trigger- OHSS,coast,trigger,no O,Provera

    Lap 12/28/10- Polyps and Endo removed

    April 11 IVF #1~ <3twins<3= m/c 5w3d D&C 5/20 <br>
    June 11 IVF #2~ m/c 6w1d D&C 9/1

    2 copies of MTHFR found: C677T & A1298C

    Jan 12- 2000mgs Metformin

    May 12 IVF #3- Lupron 5/29,Stims 6/8,ER 6/17-25R, 20M, 16F w/ICSI,3 snowbabies, ET 6/22 of one 5AA blast, Beta #1- 62, Beta #2- 98.6, Beta #3- 196. Please let this be our sticky take home baby

    **Praying 3rd time's the charm!!**



    ~*All Are Welcome*~

    .:Impatience is not a fertility issue:.


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  • i hate a baby story....its always the same thing.....scared momma in pain stuck in bed....leads to epi and cant move around to labor....on back while pushing...crazy doctor yelling to push while yanking on baby. Uses tools or the baby will distress... yea that show makes me anxious.....look on different forums, talk to friends, go to birthwithoutfear.com (its my favorite website).... research different pain management besides just an epi and research what an epi consists with as well. im only nervous that i might end up with a csection but ive been doing research to help try and keep that from happening... but you got this and it is perfectly ok to be scared! :)
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