Lately I've been feeling like I'm doing a pretty shiity job at this whole mom thing.
She'll fall asleep in my arms and I'll try to put her down either in her swing or on the boppy or in her bassinet or even just lay her down on my chest so I can lay down and sleep and she'll wake up and start screaming in 5 minutes. She is constantly overtired but I can't get her to sleep and stay asleep. She loves to comfort suck but won't take a paci from me. I feel like the only thing that will keep her quiet is to pop her on the breast, which gets to be pretty painful, especially when it's just for comfort. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I'll yell, which I immediately feel horrible about, and it usually ends with me crying.
I stay at home with her so it's just me and her all day. Some days I can't put her down and I'm lucky if she will sleep for 20 minutes so I can get something to eat. My DH works days, so he'll usually take her for a bit in the afternoon when he gets home, and I take her on weeknights so he can sleep. We try to split weekends pretty evenly so we both have some down time.
I looked down at my DD this morning and a thought popped into my head that maybe I don't smile at her enough. I feel like I'm always frowning or just neutral faced towards her. Which is stupid because I know on my good days pretty much all I do is smile at her.
I don't feel like this all the time. I do have good days. I don't know if it's because I've been not feeling well the past few days, or money-worries, or family worries (very sick grandfather in law), or holiday travel stress. Or a fantastical combination of all of the above.
I've talked to my DH about this, and he doesn't think it's ppd, just that I'm stressed and overtired and still adjusting to DD and all that comes with her. However he's not a big believer in depression as a thing anyway and doesn't believe it needs medication for treatment. I just don't know.
So I guess my question is are these feelings normal? I know my hormones are all out of whack and leveling off, but I'm not sure how much actually IS just me adjusting and coping or if it could be something more. Should I talk to my doctor?