2nd Trimester

Who will be in the delivery room?

I have gone back and forth about this so many times! I am 23 weeks, so I know I have plenty of time to decide, but I am torn with who I want in the delivery room!

Of course my DH will be in the room with me and I want my mom to be in there as well, but I am torn with my sister.

I was there for both of her deliveries, so the other day when she asked me if she gets to be in the room when I have my LO I was put on the spot and just said yes. She would have been hurt and sad if I said no, but wouldn't have expressed it, so I felt bad!

I went home and talked about it with my DH, and he said its whatever I want, and my mom said I should just tell everyone that I will decide the day of and see how everything goes. I may or may not care on that day.

In addition, the days where I think I don't mind, I also want to tell her that I don't mind if niece and god daughter is in there, but other days I think to myself that I don't want her to be.

If she is I would put her in charge of pictures and such, so I don't feel like she is just starting at me, but at the same time I want it more intimate.

What do I do????
Who was in the room with you, if this is your second?
If its your first, like me, who are you asking to be?

Thanks!
*Alaina Nicole was born March 28th, 2013* -Siggy!
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Re: Who will be in the delivery room?

  • This is my first. I only want DH and the trained medical professionals in the delivery room with me.

    I'm also going to ask that we don't have any guests for at least two hours after the birth. I want time for us to bond (do the skin-to-skin contact with LO) and for me to breastfeed.

    Lilypie - (KNqh)
  • With my first- My BF and Mom
    With my second- My BF and 2 of my best friends (my mom was working, if not she would have come too)

    My 2 best friends asked to come, and after having my first I realized that I didn't care who was there. I was actually glad they came because they took pics after the baby was born. I blocked everyone out while I was in labor anyways, and I still had an intimate moment with my new baby right after she was born. 
  • My DH and SIL (if shes not working), I'd have my mom too but shes going through a lot of health problems and we mutually decided it was best if she comes up afterwords. She was there during my first delivery so she got to see 1 grandbaby born atleast
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  • My mom will be with me; and DH will be around as much as both of us can handle.  He has anxiety about hospitals, so it depends on how much he can handle and how much I want him to try (ie I don't want to be worried about him).
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  • definitely just my husband, eeeewww to other people watching me give birth that's just wrong

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  • Definitely just DH- I love my family dearly, but they do not need to see me in the birthing state.  I want the medical professionals to be focused and the more people present could be distracting and annoying (at least I would be in their shoes).  My family can come in once things have settled down a bit.

    I asked my mom about her experience and she said she felt the same way...she only wanted my dad there when my brother and I were born.    

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  • In the beginning of my pregnancy, I wanted my husband (of course), my mom, & mother in law. However, things have changed with how people are taking the news about where I'm having the baby, what kind of delivery I'm having, etc (everyone has their opinions, but I'm making them for the best interest of our baby & me). SO, I've decided that I'm going to say I only want my husband, but put clearance on whoever else I might want last minute. This way, there will be no feelings hurt Smile The last thing I need right now is more drama! lol
  • Only DH and medical staff.  I don't even want to call family until the baby is here.  Don't want to feel rushed by people waiting in hospital.  
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  • Only DH and medical staff. We live 8 hours from his family and 14 hours from mine, there's really no guarantee they'd be there if we wanted them in the room anyways...so this makes it easier. 
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  • This is my first and I'm just having DH in the room, I might make an exception to my mom but I'm not exactly sure yet.
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  • image RiverSong82:

    This is my first. I only want DH and the trained medical professionals in the delivery room with me.

    I'm also going to ask that we don't have any guests for at least two hours after the birth. I want time for us to bond (do the skin-to-skin contact with LO) and for me to breastfeed.

     

     

    This exactly.  



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  • image mccall35:
    image RiverSong82:

    This is my first. I only want DH and the trained medical professionals in the delivery room with me.

    I'm also going to ask that we don't have any guests for at least two hours after the birth. I want time for us to bond (do the skin-to-skin contact with LO) and for me to breastfeed.

     

     

    This exactly.  

     

    This! 

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  • image mcooper014:
    Only DH and medical staff.  I don't even want to call family until the baby is here.  Don't want to feel rushed by people waiting in hospital.  

    We did this exactly, both times (except of course the babysitter for DD#1 when #2 came).

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  • With my first- just DH.

    This time around it will be DH and possibly SIL.  She has had Csections with her 3 kids and would love to experience being in the room for a child's birth in a non-surgical setting.  She tried for a vbac with her most recent pregnancy but it didn't work out.  I offered and she's considering but didn't want to feel like she was invading a personal moment.  We're very close. 

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  • I'm sorry I don't have anything really helpful to say regarding your situation. It is a tough one, & if you decide you want an intimate experience, you may just have to accept that feelings are going to get hurt. Good luck to you on your decision.

    Aside from DH, I would really LOVE my twin sister to be in the room. She would be in charge of taking pictures, video, moral support, etc. However, I feel that if she is in the room, DH would insist a family member of his choice to be in the room as well. I know he would probably choose his mother, & I'm just not comfortable with the idea of her being there. But if I really wanted my sister there, I feel like I'd be forced to compromise. Which makes me want to just say "screw it!" & just have only DH & I to save the drama. ::sigh:: I guess we'll cross this bridge when we get there...as you should too. GL!

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  • We're doing the birth center thing this time so it'll be a midwife, a nurse, my husband, a photographer, and depending on the time of day our son and whatever family member or friend is watching him.
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  • I only want MH and I in the room.  That is all I had for DD's birth and that is how I liked it. :)

    I agree with your mom that you should just tell your sister that you will decide the day you go into labor. 

      
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  •  

    for DS1-hubby, sister and mom

    then for DS2 it was suppose to be hubby, sister, mom again BUT  my Mom left to go to the cafeteria and was gone for 30 min and missed the whole thing! My BFF from HS was visiting so she stayed in my Mom's place.

    For this pregnancy def. Hubby and sister we'll see if Mom gets to come back after her leaving at 8cm last time....

    I personally love having them there and couldn't see it any other way. they all stand by my head and are quiet and out of the way. I love there support and that they keep me company when getting sewed back up and hubby can stay with the baby and not feel guilty about leaving me alone :)

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  • Just my husband. I barely want him seeing me squeeze a baby out of my vagina. I can't even fathom having anyone else (and fwiw my mom was a L&D nurse)

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  • I know I am the huge minority but I had unique circumstances. My mom and sister flew out to be with me and I planned for them to be in the delivery room with DH and I. Sis was to take pics. My dad surprised me and flew out. I was beyond thrilled because I thought he was going to miss his first grandchild's birth. but I knew a ticket would be so costly.

    I thought I would have been more uptight and also would want things to be more intimate but everything about me surprised myself when it came to pregnancy and even parenthood. So I didn't mind that he was also in the birth room. I always thought, heck no!...until the time came and the circumstances were so unique. Of course, I asked him to stay up in the corner of the room to which he, of course, didn't mind. But it was SO cool for everyone to be in the room. They have all told me how much more connected they feel to Taryn. I had tunnel vision during most of the birthing process anyway so I didn't really even realize they were there! 

    I plan to do the very same this birth. And I am also actually inviting my mentor and MIL if they are comfortable and would want to be a part. I know this is a completely sensitive issue so it is really up to the mom-to-be. One thing I would advise against though, is no kids. I don't want them to get upset if I make any painful noises. If anything, you could just say you want to wait to see how you feel the day of. And  remember...you can always change your mind. You are in control because you are the one having the baby.  

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  • I was fine with people coming in and out throughout my induction. It helped keep my anxiety at bay (I had an epidural both times so wasn't in pain). But once I started pushing nobody but DH was allowed in the room. Our families all feel that the only people who should be in the room are those who were there when the baby was conceived (excepting medical personnel of course) so they are all happy to hang out in the waiting room. I prefer it that way.
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  • image RiverSong82:

    This is my first. I only want DH and the trained medical professionals in the delivery room with me.

    I'm also going to ask that we don't have any guests for at least two hours after the birth. I want time for us to bond (do the skin-to-skin contact with LO) and for me to breastfeed.

    I totally get the no visitors thing! DH and I have already discussed not having any family come to the hospital, except immediate family, for our entire stay. We want that time to be with baby, get use to each other, and rest.  

    *Alaina Nicole was born March 28th, 2013* -Siggy!
  • image mel1987:
    With my first- My BF and Mom
    With my second- My BF and 2 of my best friends (my mom was working, if not she would have come too)

    My 2 best friends asked to come, and after having my first I realized that I didn't care who was there. I was actually glad they came because they took pics after the baby was born. I blocked everyone out while I was in labor anyways, and I still had an intimate moment with my new baby right after she was born. 

     

    Thanks for sharing!  

    *Alaina Nicole was born March 28th, 2013* -Siggy!
  • image HoolahZinger:

    I know I am the huge minority but I had unique circumstances. My mom and sister flew out to be with me and I planned for them to be in the delivery room with DH and I. Sis was to take pics. My dad surprised me and flew out. I was beyond thrilled because I thought he was going to miss his first grandchild's birth. but I knew a ticket would be so costly.

    I thought I would have been more uptight and also would want things to be more intimate but everything about me surprised myself when it came to pregnancy and even parenthood. So I didn't mind that he was also in the birth room. I always thought, heck no!...until the time came and the circumstances were so unique. Of course, I asked him to stay up in the corner of the room to which he, of course, didn't mind. But it was SO cool for everyone to be in the room. They have all told me how much more connected they feel to Taryn. I had tunnel vision during most of the birthing process anyway so I didn't really even realize they were there! 

    I plan to do the very same this birth. And I am also actually inviting my mentor and MIL if they are comfortable and would want to be a part. I know this is a completely sensitive issue so it is really up to the mom-to-be. One thing I would advise against though, is no kids. I don't want them to get upset if I make any painful noises. If anything, you could just say you want to wait to see how you feel the day of. And  remember...you can always change your mind. You are in control because you are the one having the baby.  

     Thanks for sharing and the advice!  

    *Alaina Nicole was born March 28th, 2013* -Siggy!
  • Only my DH and my mom. This is our first and I told my mother I expected her to be there. DH wants his sister there and I keep telling this is not a sporting event. I like my SIL but not enough for her to watch me give birth. That's my line. Lol
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  • This is my second. With DS it was DH and my mom in the room with me. I didn't ask anybody else and nobody brought it up. I felt like it would just be awkward having anyone else in there. And I wanted my mom since it was my first.

    This time around it'll just be DH and I.

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  • image kmornelas29:
    image RiverSong82:

    This is my first. I only want DH and the trained medical professionals in the delivery room with me.

    I'm also going to ask that we don't have any guests for at least two hours after the birth. I want time for us to bond (do the skin-to-skin contact with LO) and for me to breastfeed.

    I totally get the no visitors thing! DH and I have already discussed not having any family come to the hospital, except immediate family, for our entire stay. We want that time to be with baby, get use to each other, and rest.  

    That was my thinking as well. Plus, at my hospital they move you out of the room you deliver in to another floor an hour or so later anyway, so we just figured this would be easier.

    Lilypie - (KNqh)
  • With DD I was induced and then got an epi so I never felt much pain until it got time to push they let the epi wear off so I could push effectively. I had family and BFFs coming in and out all day visiting with me. But when it was time to push, everyone but DH got the eff out. Just ask yourself how many more people you want to see you possibly poop on a table...
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  • it's up to you - just because she had you in her delivery room doesnt mean that you have to have her. do what makes you comfortable. 

    since i am having a c-section i wont be having anyone but DH. i had a scheduled c-section with DD and didnt have to worry about it. before we knew it was going to be scheduled my MIL got really PO'd when she mentioned being in the delivery room with us and i told her it wasn't happening. she was horrified and didnt understand. i kept explaining that we just wanted it to be us and the doctors and that even MY mother wasnt coming in. she still didnt get it. so i told her that she was there for the conception so she wouldnt be there for the birth. LOL.

    once they scheduledt he c-section i didnt have to worry about listening to her anymore. the day of delivery she didnt even show up to see us/baby until hours and hours later LOL 


  • I wont mind some family coming in to visit during the earlier parts of labor, but for the delivery it will only be DH.   I know everyone is different, but I honestly cant understand allowing several people in to watch.   It's the most intimate and scary thing a woman can do, and I dont think it's a spectator sport.  I want to experience it with my husband, and those first few moments between us, not with my mom and sisters and friends crowding around wanting a look at the new baby.  And that's if things go well.  I think it would be worse to have people in the room that have to be rushed out if something goes wrong.  I definitely dont want pictures taken of the process either, not until we are cleaned up and resting.  But that's just me. 

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