Who is it OK to accept the offer of a shower from?

cinderin · November 2012

I have read it is not OK for a relative to throw a shower for you. Mother, sister, etc.

I was wondering if that included MIL, SIL, etc. ? It seems to me like it would, sine the reason you don't have family member throw it is that it is "gift grabby".

https://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-on-throwing-a-baby-shower-for-mom-zilla

So is it just friends who should throw you a shower?

ungraceful13 · December 2012

My SIL's are throwing me a shower today. My SIL threw a shower for the other SIL when she was pregnant. Really as long as you don't throw one for yourself I feel like it is ok. My aunt threw my other one but if she hadn't volunteered my mom would have. We have a very small family and there aren't a lot of options for who could throw a shower. (Literally I have one aunt, my mom, 2 grandmas, and a 15 year old female cousin). Honestly if someone offers and you would like a shower from them I say accept.

EastCoastBride · December 2012

Family can throw it - including your mom or sister. The only people who should NOT are yourself or your DH.

jobiann · December 2012

EastCoastBride:
Family can throw it - including your mom or sister. The only people who should NOT are yourself or your DH.

This exactly!

mccall35 · December 2012

Like PP have said, anyone but you or your DH can throw the shower. My sisters are throwing one of my showers.

PrimRoseMama · December 2012

In my area it's considered bad form for any family member to throw a shower. However, the practice of female family members throwing showers is becoming more common and acceptable.

I have only had friends offer because its understood that family doesn't throw them here. I've been to one or two family hosted ones and its fine.

ordinary1 · December 2012

I agree with PPs. It is becoming more common and acceptable for family to throw showers. If my mom were here, she would throw mine and no one would side-eye it. In my area, it's pretty common. I think the only tacky showers are showers thrown by the MTB for herself or if her h throws it.

cmhicklin · December 2012

My 2 best friends are my cousin and my SIL, so if that was tacky I would just be a tacky person : )

lauraliz24 · December 2012

I had only heard that you couldn't throw your own until we were talking about it with MIL. She said when she grew up, it was considered rude to have mother/MIL throw the shower because they would be benefiting as well. Not really sure how, but that's what she said. My mom said she vaguely remembers this when she was younger as well, but doesn't abide by it.

Anyways, my SIL officially hosted at my MIL's house and my mother helped. So, those are all the "rules" I've heard.

rhubarb123 · December 2012

PrimRoseMama:
In my area it's considered bad form for any family member to throw a shower. However, the practice of female family members throwing showers is becoming more common and acceptable. I have only had friends offer because its understood that family doesn't throw them here. I've been to one or two family hosted ones and its fine.

This is true for me...although I've attend many that are thrown by the MIL, or MTB's mom or sister, etc. In my family (and I thought proper etiquette - according to my mom) is that no close family members (meaning mom, sisters or SIL, MIL) should host it. My second cousin hosted my bridal and baby shower. A coworker hosted another and a friend from church hosted the third one. Same with my bridal showers...I had 3 (second cousin, bridal attendants, and my DH's step-sisters).

wittyschaffy · December 2012

Most of the showers I've been to recently have been thrown by the Siblings or siblings in law of the Mom. To echo pps, I think most anything goes save for YOU throwing yourself a party.

notkateanymore · December 2012

I've always heard Mother/MIL can't host a wedding shower, but a baby shower is fine. The reasoning behind it is that the parents typically pay for the wedding, so it would be rude to ask for gifts for an event they're hosting.

ggatlanta · December 2012

lauraliz24:
She said when she grew up, it was considered rude to have mother/MIL throw the shower because they would be benefiting as well.

The idea was that since families should take care of their own, the mother throwing her daughter a shower was no different than the daughter doing it herself. (If the daughter couldn't afford it, the mother would have to help, so throwing a shower to "avoid" that obligation was rude.) Obviously this wouldn't apply to a cousin or a sister-in-law, since that relationship carries no dependency burden, so I wouldn't agree that showers wouldn't have been hosted by *any* family - just that they wouldn't have been hosted by family on which the MTB or FTB had ever been dependent.

Nowadays, with families more spread out and less reliant on one another, the no-mothers-hosting rule may be a little outdated. Still, my family is so close - physically, financially, emotionally - that I would be very uncomfortable having my mother host my shower. I know she wouldn't even consider doing so. My shower(s) have been / will be thrown by people like god-parents, old family friends, cousins, etc.