And no this is not a CD 1 woe is me post. Even though my stress is making my cramps horrible.
Long story short my sister is bi-polar. She's been up and down for awhile and refusing any treatment. She lives about an hour away from my mom, an hour and a half from me and three hours away from my dad. There is no reason for her to live out there, she's 30 minutes west of her job so she COULD move a little farther east and be closer to everyone. She compalins that we are so far away but I've been in my house for almost 5 years, my mom at hers for 7 and my dad at his for 10! We have not moved SHE did.
So anyway she's on a major manic state right now. She cannot tell the difference between reality, other peoples memories and then just flat out lies she's convinced herself of being true. Anyone that is associated with someone who is bi polar, then you know about the ups and downs. Getting angry easy, impulsive actions, constant lies, and trouble knowing what is real and what isn't.
And to make everyone worse, I KNOW that my parents are having a hard time. I'm just glad that they are at a good point in their lives that they can talk to each other like adults and not like ex-spouses. But at the same time I just feel like I am being pulled in all these directions. I have my dad venting to me and my mom doing the same. I want to be there for them but i just don't know what to do or say. I want to make it better and I just can't.
I feel terrible for them. Especially my mother. I mean that is her first born child that is having so much trouble in life. She is just terrified that she will just kill herself. And as bad as this sounds...I just wish my sister would threaten suicide so that we could force her to go to the hospital and get treatment at the stress center. And I feel terrible at myself for saying and thinking that, but she won't go on her own and we can't FORCE her unless she threatens to kill herself.
I'm not really looking for answers here. I just needed a vent and a little support. Thank you ladies.
My sister and I talked for about an hour yesterday. She was out of her manic state. She is going to move in with my mom and step dad. She was being really hard on herself and calling herself an "a 31 year old loser" and I said that if she had cancer and needed chemo and care, would she feel like a loser then if she needed her mothers care? She said "No...you're right"
So we shall see what happens in the next few months.