Baby Showers

What happend to the good old-fashioned thank you notes? (NBR)

Sorry this is long and not totally baby-related (although it does pertain to showers and gift-giving): 

In the past year, we've received three thank-you notes (out of five potential opportunities to be 'thanked') from weddings and showers. 

The first one was literally an index card with our address and stamp on the front, and just had the words 'thank you' handwritten on the back.  Took me a day to figure out who it was from.

The second one was a picture of the couple with the words 'thank you' written on the back and placed in an envelope.

Just opened the mail tonight to a whole new level of 'meh'-ness.  The envelope was mass-printed with our name and address.  Inside was a picture of a couple with the words 'thank you' typed out.  There was literally NOTHING personal or handwritten on it.  This is the same person who didn't send or say anything for her shower or bachelorette gifts.

Is this becoming the new norm?  Is this, along with Facebook wedding invites, the new standard with the young kids?  When I got married two and a half years ago, we hand-wrote personalized thank yous for every.single.person.  I thought that was standard etiquette?  It was then - what has happened since then?

Also, in the last three years we've given out ten graduation cards and gifts and received only one thank-you in return, which is why I think it might be an age/generation thing.

I don't want to say I expect a thank-you note and I don't hold it against them if I don't receive one.  I just find it weird because growing up, thank-you notes were driven into my brain.  I still send them out for things like letters, gifts, and holidays, as well as to people that let us stay at their place. 

I'm just confused when it changed?  Am I actually breaking etiquette by sending thank-you notes for gifts and kindness?  And, now that my friends and family are all pregnant and will be having showers soon, is this something I just have to accept as the new normal?  When I get lucky enough to be pregnant, will it be tacky to send out personal messages and thank-yous if I get cards or gifts?  Indifferent

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Re: What happend to the good old-fashioned thank you notes? (NBR)

  • I just got married, I bought blank thank you cards and spent the time to fill each and every one with a handwritten message, for the family who helped and the bridal party, I bought real thank you cards and filled them out fully as well listing examples and ways they helped save my sanity during that time lol.

     In my opinion, they took the time to pick out the present, take off a day of doing whatever they had to do to come celebrate something that doesn't affect them in their life, but me in mine. I am sure as hell going to take the 3 mins tops to fill out a good written thank you card which has some sort of personalized message to them!!

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  • Really how hard is it to think out a couple of sentences? "thank you for X, I'm sure it will come in handy when Y, also, thanks for attending Z Love, So-and-So"  I don't always do handwritten, because my handwriting is atrocious, and I'd like for people to be able to read my sentiments. Its also not hard to figure out how to put a blank card in a printer and keep the right margins in word. I do always sign my name. 

    So I'm with you.  

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  • Honestly, I think it's a result of bad parenting, which is also the reason everyone is so "me, me, me" nowadays. Your parents are supposed to teach you proper manners, that includes how and when to write a thank you note.

    I think we have seen many results of bad parenting here on this board...

    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.
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  • image Liz4444:

    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    I've wanted to do this before... but DH would kill me for not bringing gifts to the people who don't send one out... so we still do :-/

    I do think most of it has to do with a general laziness and entitlement meshed with technology. While I haven't gotten a wedding invitation by email (yet) I have gotten several birthday party, baby, and brial shower invites through FB. Some people say it's a budget thing-- I'm on a budget for LO's party but I still sent out invites! I just think it's so rude- come to a party where you are expected to give gifts but I won't bother spending a cent on inviting you.

    The only thank you notes I have received are for weddings... nothing for anything else. Obviously my LO (turned 1 today) won't be doing them himself this year.... but you can bet once he learns to write after he gets a gift he will be sitting down and writing a thank you note. If he gets an attitude then guess what? Gift goes "back" ( not to the gift giver b/c that would be rude, but to mommy's closet til he earns it back) and a thank you note would be sent by mommy.

  • I don't think is the new norm, I got a beautiful handwritte thank you card for going to their oot wedding and the gift spelled out, from the couple we went to their wedding three weeks ago. I was so surprised to ger a card this soon.
  • Honestly, I don't give a hoot about thank you's. They get thrown in the trash, whether they're handwritten and personal or typed and generic. I say save your stamp.

    I think people just love to b!tch.
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  • I'll be completely honest. I don't care if I don't receive a thank you note. Someone telling me thank you is plenty for me. When people send me or DD gifts, I call them and thank them profusely, but I only really send the note because society expects me to. I've already told you exactly what I'm going to put in the note, so to me it's redundant and an unnecessary tradition. If you never say thank you, though, I pretty much think you're a douche.
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  • I just got married in August and made sure to send a handwritten note mentioning the specific gift to each person who gave me something... Besides being traditional etiquette, I just think it's a nice thing to do. Sure, it will wind up in the trash, but the person will remember you sent it. 
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  • H's best friend got married a few years ago. I know his wife fairly well & used to work with her. We got a thank you card with this beautiful cursive writing thanking H for being in the wedding party & thanking us for the 'money' we gave them. Not only did we not give them money as their gift but it was neither of their writing (I know both of their writing). Then they had a baby and messed up our gift again and this time it was typed on a blank index card. Good grief. 
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  • image Andindria:

     In my opinion, they took the time to pick out the present, take off a day of doing whatever they had to do to come celebrate something that doesn't affect them in their life, but me in mine. I am sure as hell going to take the 3 mins tops to fill out a good written thank you card which has some sort of personalized message to them!!

    I agree completely. It's really not that difficult especially if you fill out 5-10 a night.

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  • People still send and receive thank you notes out here. In fact personal stationery, and sending notes of thanks, is a bit of an obsession my college graduate cousin is dying for a particular high end monogrammed card. I can assure you she will get it.
    When we were kids if thank you notes were not done 48 hours after getting them the gifts were taken away. It trained me to write notes super fast and on time for all kinds of things from dinner parties to wedding gifts.
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  • I think a lot of it has to do with kids not knowing how to appreciate things in todays society. Children grow up with the expectation that they will receive gifts for birthdays, Christmas, graduation, etc. so why should they have to thank you for something that is supposed to be done. Growing up I was grateful for everything that I ever received as a gift because that is what my parents taught me. I didn't live near family so on every holiday or birthday a phone call was made to the person that gave the gift to personally thank them. I still do that and I'm 26 years old! There has only been one time when I didn't receive a thank you after an event and I was slightly put off by it - I was maid of honor in a friends wedding and I never got a thank you for any of the showers or the wedding and at the time it upset me but I now know that some people don't appreciate the simple acts of saying thank you like others do. It's sad really that these are the people that will run our world some day Indifferent
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  • image Samiantha101:
    Honestly, I don't give a hoot about thank you's. They get thrown in the trash, whether they're handwritten and personal or typed and generic. I say save your stamp.

    I think people just love to b!tch.

    I think that's unfair.  There are situations where I don't care if I get a thank you.  If I've been thanked in person, even at a shower, it's not that big of a deal if I don't get one. 

    But there are plenty of situations where actually getting a thank you tells you that they GOT the gift!  If you send something, or if it's not opened in front of you at a shower, etc.  It's nice to know they actually got it and know it's from you.

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  • I recently got the same thing. I find it impersonal and tacky, as if writing a thank you note is so hard. To me it is something so small that has such big meaning. People are lazy and no offense but I don't want a picture of you. LOL
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  • Sadly I think it is more common but it absolutely not acceptable in my mind.  I don't necessarily agree that it is an age/generation thing.  I was raised to write a thank you note for everything, so I do.  My shower was on Sunday, on Monday I sat down and hand wrote and addressed each thank you note then mailed them yesterday.  SIL is 9 years older than me. DH and I mailed her kids birthday cards with cash in them and didn't get so much as a text saying they received them until over 3 weeks after they arrived (she casually said thanks in conversation).  Her kids are 7 and 9 so IMO it is her responsibility to make sure the kids sit down and write thank yous.    My kids would have had thank you notes in the mail before spending or depositing the cash. 
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  • image Liz4444:
    Honestly, I think it's a result of bad parenting, which is also the reason everyone is so "me, me, me" nowadays. Your parents are supposed to teach you proper manners, that includes how and when to write a thank you note. I think we have seen many results of bad parenting here on this board... Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    I completely agree.  DH was raised to only write thank yous for gifts he received in the mail (Even then his mom was super laid back about it actually happening) whereas I was raised to write one for every single gift before I used it.  We have had long discussions about this and have decided to raise our kids the same way I was raised. 

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  • image Liz4444:
    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    Also, funny you should mention this.  Every Thanksgiving my Grandpa gives all 11 grandkids a very generous check as a Christmas present.  Over the years, thank you notes have become less common.  My mom said that last year only 3 of us sent thank you notes.  This year none of us got checks (although my mom thinks he may mail them later for those who have thanked him). 

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  • The lack of a thank you note REALLY annoys me. It's just one of my "things" that I get very up in arms about. 

    My son recently had his 2nd birthday party and we wrote TY notes, not only for those who were generous enough with gifts for him, but we had asked for donations to the animal shelter instead of gifts and those people got a very heartfelt TY note as well.

    I can let a $10 birthday party TY note go, but a $50-$150 shower/wedding gift? I want a thank you note.  

  • image Allycat11:

    image Liz4444:
    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    Also, funny you should mention this.  Every Thanksgiving my Grandpa gives all 11 grandkids a very generous check as a Christmas present.  Over the years, thank you notes have become less common.  My mom said that last year only 3 of us sent thank you notes.  This year none of us got checks (although my mom thinks he may mail them later for those who have thanked him). 

    This is an interesting point.  What holidays/gatherings should you send TYs for?? I have never sent a TY for a Christmas gift; it has never occurred to me.  However, I always do for birthday/wedding/shower.  What prompted you to send one for Christmas? Is that the norm for you or was it b/c it was such a generous gift? Just curious :)

     
             Baby C - 08.23.13
  • image Liz4444:
    Honestly, I think it's a result of bad parenting, which is also the reason everyone is so "me, me, me" nowadays. Your parents are supposed to teach you proper manners, that includes how and when to write a thank you note. I think we have seen many results of bad parenting here on this board...

    All of this. When it's kids, I blame the parents.

    Of course, once they're adults they'll have a responsibility to overcome bad parenting by learning correct ways of doing things, so it doesn't excuse them forever.

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  • image MagPie 1986:
    image Allycat11:

    image Liz4444:
    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    Also, funny you should mention this.  Every Thanksgiving my Grandpa gives all 11 grandkids a very generous check as a Christmas present.  Over the years, thank you notes have become less common.  My mom said that last year only 3 of us sent thank you notes.  This year none of us got checks (although my mom thinks he may mail them later for those who have thanked him). 

    This is an interesting point.  What holidays/gatherings should you send TYs for?? I have never sent a TY for a Christmas gift; it has never occurred to me.  However, I always do for birthday/wedding/shower.  What prompted you to send one for Christmas? Is that the norm for you or was it b/c it was such a generous gift? Just curious :)

    We wrote TY notes for every holiday for which we got a gift-Easter, xmas, our birthdays. I think we even wrote notes for boxes of candy on Valentines Day. Our family is formal and it was absolutely expected. In our family, it is a tradition on both sides to give children their own personalized stationery as soon as they learn to write. We were also expected to write in cursive as soon as we learned how to do it. For us it was the norm. TY notes are to show appreciation and/or to let the gift giver know the gift was recieved.

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  • I am often Ok with an email, face-to-face or even a call for a thank you. I think pre-printed thank you notes are very lazy. It really doesn't take that much effort to offer thanks.
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  • I love writing thank you notes. I feel like if someone was considerate enough to gift us with something I'd like to take my time and let them know how much it was appreciated.
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  • This is a pet peeve of mine, and unfortunately I think it is generational. Two of the three baby showers I have gone to for girls my age, I never received a TY note. I was annoyed. I sent out TY notes to all of the people who attended my shower (even the two who didn't bring a gift), as well as people who sent us gifts. All were hand written and signed by my husband and I.

    I just don't get it. It doesn't take that much time, and it certainly doesn't take much effort.



  • image MagPie 1986:
    image Allycat11:

    image Liz4444:
    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    Also, funny you should mention this.  Every Thanksgiving my Grandpa gives all 11 grandkids a very generous check as a Christmas present.  Over the years, thank you notes have become less common.  My mom said that last year only 3 of us sent thank you notes.  This year none of us got checks (although my mom thinks he may mail them later for those who have thanked him). 

    This is an interesting point.  What holidays/gatherings should you send TYs for?? I have never sent a TY for a Christmas gift; it has never occurred to me.  However, I always do for birthday/wedding/shower.  What prompted you to send one for Christmas? Is that the norm for you or was it b/c it was such a generous gift? Just curious :)

     

    This. I always make sure to tell people thank you for any Christmas gift and my grandma always sends money for any holiday so I be sure to call her and thank her, however I also only send thank you's for birthday/wedding/shower gifts because these events are centered around me. I do get irritated when we don't get a thank you for things. I threw a baby shower for a friend and went all out. I love planning things so for me it was fun. I also got her a very generous gift. I didn't even get told thank you. Very irritating

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  • image MagPie 1986:
    image Allycat11:

    image Liz4444:
    Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    Also, funny you should mention this.  Every Thanksgiving my Grandpa gives all 11 grandkids a very generous check as a Christmas present.  Over the years, thank you notes have become less common.  My mom said that last year only 3 of us sent thank you notes.  This year none of us got checks (although my mom thinks he may mail them later for those who have thanked him). 

    This is an interesting point.  What holidays/gatherings should you send TYs for?? I have never sent a TY for a Christmas gift; it has never occurred to me.  However, I always do for birthday/wedding/shower.  What prompted you to send one for Christmas? Is that the norm for you or was it b/c it was such a generous gift? Just curious :)

    In my family it is expected that thank you notes are written for all gifts.  That is how we were raised. 

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  • image Liz4444:
    Honestly, I think it's a result of bad parenting, which is also the reason everyone is so "me, me, me" nowadays. Your parents are supposed to teach you proper manners, that includes how and when to write a thank you note. I think we have seen many results of bad parenting here on this board... Personally, when I don't receive a thank you note, the person no longer receives presents from me.

    I don't think it's bad parenting.  I have never recieved, nor given, a thank-you note for any gift other then wedding or baby/bridal shower gifts.  General birthday/graduation/anniversary/christmas gifts I have never recieved, given, or ever even heard of anyone else getting a written thank you note for.  Saying thank you to the gift giver is important yes, but not every gift/card needs a written thank you.  Sometimes a verbal thank you is perfectly fine and ok!

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  • I'm not sure if it's a generational thing. I'm 23 and working on my thank yous right now from my shower. We got some really thoughtful gifts so I personally would feel bad if I did not send a thank you (especially to people I couldn't thank in person). I also did send thank you cards for my graduation shower. I will be raising my child to write thank yous for birthday and Christmas gifts. 

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  • image Samiantha101:
    Honestly, I don't give a hoot about thank you's. They get thrown in the trash, whether they're handwritten and personal or typed and generic. I say save your stamp.

    I think people just love to b!tch.


    I think you might just be rude...
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  • Im a big advocate of thank you notes. My SIL always invites like 50 plus ppl to her kids bday parties..theyre very young. And never sends thank yous. Didnt for her wedding or baby showers either. I think thats rude. If they werent my nieces and nephews I probably wouldnt attend.
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